It started off as a fantasy. A ‘what if’. What if I ended up with Daniel? What if I had a ‘happily ever after’ with my best friend, Mason? What if Jason was as into me as I was?
Fortunately, when the letters were intentionally leaked, the message spread like plague. Jeremiah came out as bisexual, Gabriel too. Elijah, who was always out and proud, started being confident in his sexuality.
On the other hand, there were dark days. Days when I was found bleeding, naked in the school’s restrooms. The day I became complicit to murder. The day I lost my friend, Daniel, because of a manipulative bully who wanted power and glory in his hands while protecting his reputation, regardless of who got hurt. Days when some friends became closer, some became hypocritical.
But those dark days taught me resilience. They taught me that life was not all peaches and thyme. But superficially, it taught me that a single letter can change an entire narrative about someone life, whether or not they want that narrative to change. Because, as they say, change is inevitable.
We are forced to adapt in a world ignorant to the everyday social issues occurring. The killings, the discrimination, the fear of the unknown.
One of them was mental illness. After my diagnosis from Dr Wells, a family psychologist, there was absolutely no help I could get other than medication. As you can tell from the habitual scratching of my arms, as you probably know about me by now, nothing worked.
But then again, medication wasn’t supposed to be a cure to a mentally fragile boy. It was supposed to be my vindictive mother, my selfish father. My supportive friends. All I’ve had were people watch me walk on broken glass, ridiculously hoping I wouldn’t hurt myself. But I did. I hurt myself by being a danger to those I love. I hurt those who genuinely cared about my mental condition. People who wanted to be there, support me…they all died trying to tell me that I was gradually becoming a danger to myself.
Summer vacation’s over. And the school had never felt so tense. Everyone had heard about Craig. How he was attacked at the Blue Sun club and I was found passed out right next to him, waking up in a cold hospital bed three days later after a gruesome coma.
But here’s the thing: even though it was said that the attacker was unknown, EVERYONE knew.
It was awkward walking through the corridors and everyone would be silent, even my friends…well they used to be.
At the Blue Sun club in the restrooms, with my hands drenched in guilt yet gratification at the same time while my boyfriend, Craig Fernandez, was on the floor unconscious and as my head span to the hallucinogenic effects of Acid, I decided to at least move the body out of the restrooms.
No, I couldn’t do this on my own.
But who could I trust?
Who, after this tragic incident, would look at me the same?
Why are you moving the body? Call the cops, Adrian! Do something right for a damn change.
Who could I call?
Surely, it has to be someone I would be okay losing a connection with. Someone objective enough to listen to my side of the story.
“Adrian!” Someone yelled.
My body instantly jumped. The restroom door was open with a set of eyes looking at me, terrified.
“I…Alejandro.” My eyes began weeping, but I couldn’t feel the tears streaming down my face, only trails of blood drops falling from my eyes.
Alejandro closed the door. “Shit! Adrian…what the fuck happened?” He yelled.
“Sssh!” I hissed, looking around. “He cheated on me, Alejandro! With a bitch…”
“What bitch, Adrian?” His voice squeaked. I could see the sheer terror in his eyes. He walked around the body, assessing whether or not Craig was still alive. “You can’t keep doing such shit and expect people to cover up for you. If anyone walks in here…”
“Like who, Alejandro? Like Abel, his whore?” My voice roared.
“Abel?” He walked towards me with widened eyes. “Abel…he had a black shirt with skinny pants?”
My eyes widened. How did he know him? “Yes. Why are you even concerned about that homewrecker?”
“THAT WAS A FUCKING DEALER, ADRIAN!” Alejandro yelled furiously. “He was selling steroids to Craig!”
I paused. Eyes widened.
Craig never told me about steroids!
Wait…why was he dealing?
It doesn’t matter now. You killed him.
I looked at Craig’s body with widened eyes and I could feel my heart violently beating in my chest, begging to be let out.
It wasn’t the foreseen imagery of myself wearing an orange suit that scared me, but the fact that I had potentially killed an innocent man. A man I personally knew and was beginning to love.
“Okay…Adrian I need you to trust me!” Alejandro walked to me and gave me a tight hug. I just couldn’t respond to it.
“I trust you…at this point!” My hands were quivering!
He took out a gun which made me fear for my life, but somehow glad that he was giving me the easier way out. He, unanticipatedly, hit me with the back of the gun so forcefully, I could feel a slight vibration on my skull before the rest of my body lost all coordination. My limbs weakened as my body fell on the floor and my eyes shut.
“SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE!!!” A voice yelled in an earsore manner.
And that was the last thing I remember.