'Kitten, look at me' He whispered into her as he tried to clutch her in his arms, however, she was gone way beyond return and he couldn't bring her back to him.
Waking up screaming from a dream that had haunted her, Lana couldn't look at the man who was trying to ease down her misery. She'd watched him kill someone, someone innocent, some who died.. because of her. The more she thought about it, the more her lungs clogged up, suffocating her, choking her.
'I need you to calm down.' He grabbed a tight hold of her head, making sure she was looking right into the brown in his orbs. Making sure he had her attention as he tried to wake her up from the shock she was in. His attempts were failing him and he sure as hell didn't tolerate failure.
'Come on baby, work with me.' He pulled her into his arms but she pulled away, her eyes reeking of hate as she stared him down. She wanted him to stop touching her. To stop looking at her.
'I hate you.' Her voice was weak but he heard her loud and clear, her words cutting him like knife.
'You're like a swamp, sucking me into the deep end. Sucking everyone around you down into your miserable life.'
'First Jessie, you turned her crazy you did what you're doing to my head, to her head.'
'And now an innocent man.'
'You're a fucking swamp! You're a big black hole that just sucks in everyone around you! And you know why? Because you're miserable! You're sick in the head and you want everyone else to join you in your pathetic life!'
'I fucking hate you!'
And with that, all he saw was red as the palm of his hand collided with her cheek, she fell back into the bed, clutching her face in her hand, her skin stinging, her eyes shedding the tears that never seemed to stop flowing.
Taking a fistful of her hair, he dragged her off the bed and threw her on the floor, against the wall, never thinking twice as he pulled the gun from the back of his waistband out and held it straight to her head. Holding it right against her skull.
'You're right, maybe I am a swamp. Maybe I do suck everyone around me in.' He closed his eyes for a brief moment, his heart thudding in his bones as his fingertips played with the trigger.
'Maybe I am sick in the end.'
'In fact, I'm completely twisted.'
'But you're no better than me. Living out your days with your mummy and daddy issues, being sad over the fact that you didn't get to see your parents for a day. Your biggest problem, being them not giving you enough attention.'
'And then you can sit here and call me shit like you know me.'
'I bet you don't know how it feels to watch your parents get killed right before your eyes huh? I bet you don't know how it feels to wake up everyday knowing the only people who loved you are no longer there to love you anymore.'
'Yeah I'm guessing you don't know how it feels to go into a family that forgets you once they come across something better, someone better. Of course you don't know that feeling because that 'someone better', was you.'
'And no doubt that you don't know just how crazy you can feel when there's nobody there but you. Yeah you don't know any of that because you didn't have to watch your parents get murdered.'
'You, you just have daddy issues.'
'Yeah I'm a swamp kitten, the first two people I pulled into that swamp, was my parents.'
'But if you can't love me, then I won't let you love anybody else.'
And with that, her heart no longer co-operated with her, because it ached for the man before her. It ached so much that she couldn't handle it hurting anymore. She couldn't handle feeling sorry for him. She didn't want to go through any of this. She had hurt him and she could see that now, but it was all too late, because she had already chosen her path, she had chosen her fate as her fingers clutched onto his hand that was wrapped around the gun.
She whispered, closing her eyes, waiting for him to end it all because if he didn't, she wasn't sure what she was going to do with the beating heart in her chest that ached to hold him, that ached to tell him that she was sorry, that she understood now, why he was so crazy. Although it didn't justify what he had done, it didn't matter because a traumatised person didn't need any justification for their outrageous behaviour. To her, it didn't matter anymore. She just wanted to die now.
But as Blade stared down at his frightened kitten and took in her distraught appearance, he couldn't pull the trigger on her, he couldn't take away her life because he wanted that life, he wanted her to give him her life, to let him take care of her, why couldn't she just do that? Why couldn't she let him look after her?
Pulling the gun away from her head, he pulled her up, wanting to hold her, to kiss her better but he didn't. She had said she hated him. Them three words hadn't sunk in quite yet and he just needed space, just some time to breathe. Because just as she suffocated with him, he suffocated without her.
'Kitten open this god damn door or I'm breaking it down.' He panicked, she'd went to take a bath, a bath that had lasted way longer than it should have and the more she stayed silent, ignoring his yelling, the more his body shook with the need to get to her, because deep down, he had a bad feeling that his kitten had done something he didn't approve of.
'Don't stand behind the door, I'm coming in.' No longer waiting around for her to answer him and let him in, he kicked into the door with everything he had in him and watched the door break down.
And he broke down with it.
As his eyes fell onto his little kitten, laying unconscious in a tub full of blood.
'No!' He yelled, rushing towards her, grabbing her limp body and pulling her out of the tub.
'No kitten, what have you done?!' He pulled her face into his chest, squeezing her lifeless body in his arms.
'You can't leave me.' He kissed her cold lips before he ripped off his shirt and wrapped it around the blood that was oozing out of her wrist.
His heart was breaking and he didn't know how to stop it as he watched his kitten,