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“Sir, you cannot come onto the premises.”

“I called ahead, I talked to the secretary here, I’m filming a documentary-”

“I know who you are, sir, and you were told you cannot come onto the premises.”

“I’m going to film right here, then, standing on the sidewalk. You can’t police the sidewalk, can you, rent-a-cop?”

“No, sir.”

“Tough life, huh? Okay, Joe, make sure you’re standing so you have the logo on the building in the frame. Got it? Okay. I’m standing outside of Alba-Ferrier Studios, the studio that picked up Joy DeVries at four years old after her debut in the Choco-Cinna-Bun Cereal commercial. They cast her on Bonky Wonky for four years, under Director Mark Albatross. He’s one of the executives here, and has refused to talk to me. I called multiple times, was relegated to different secretaries and told I’d be called for consultation appointments, that someone would call me back, and nobody ever called. I finally managed to get the direct line for Albatross’ secretary, finally an in, but she informed me that he was unavailable. When I asked when he would become available, she was very short and rude in informing me that he would never be available for an interview. In fact, I wasn’t even allowed to set foot on the grounds. Do you know how insane that is? What the hell am I gonna do? Piss in the begonias? Come on. And do you know the quickest way to get a journalist to want to dig even deeper? Tell them you’re mysteriously unavailable.”


“So Mark Albatross has a restraining order against me, now. And the police seized a bunch of my footage. They promised they’ll release anything back to me that doesn’t incriminate Albatross. This guy’s got his hands in a lot of pies, it seems. All I did was follow the dude home and try to yell a few questions from the sidewalk. He lives behind a gate, I wasn’t even trespassing! Anyway they’ll probably keep the footage of that. All this is making me wonder is why he doesn’t want to talk to me. I told the Studio that I was filming a documentary about Joy Daisy, and wanted to talk to Mark about his time directing Bonky Wonky. To react like this? Is he just an extremely private person? Or is he hiding something about that four years that little Joy was on the show?”

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