Planning to go to university.
Live at home with two proud parents that want well for me.
I have a lot of things that are going right for me at the moment and you must have though I have all of the privileges and all of the well being that has been going on in my life.
No. It has been a rough few years.
And by a few I mean 13 years.
Yeah. That long.
For the first five years, I had a normal childhood and by normal I mean holidays to places that are far away from the UK, going to Australia, Italy and America where we had some family that we would meet once or twice a year either in their home towns and city or they would fly over to the UK.
One problem, I was colour blind from a illness that happened when I was 5. I was sent to a special school but I managed to pull through my school years that was hell on earth and got into a good college. I didn’t have a friends so I spent most of my time alone and got a degree in robotics and art. Never ending nights in my room, not being and not living because of the lack of colour. Treatments that were needed to help save what eye sight I had but now, I'm seeing black, white and grey.
None of our family came to visit as they thought that it would cause me harm until they done research and found out that I'll be fine if they keep germs at bay and make sure that they gives me food that is actually cooked all the way through instead of being half cooked since my aunt can't cook. The only one who can make food poisoning a family thing and some how not kill someone. I have a thing that I dealt with so I was aloud to miss eating her food.
I got a place with an technology university at 18 years old and it was exciting. But I was scared. Scared of being on my own, and trying to find my way through a new environment. I lived two hours away so I thought it would be best to live at the dorms during university. It would also help me get use to living on my own when I move out after university. And it would cost less to run my beat up, second hand, scratched to demons hell, dented hood and one crack in the side mirror.
I really need a new car, maybe the Chevy '67 Impala. But maybe after Uni.
Since I was an only child, my parents would do anything with me, to stop me from feeling so sad and alone. They even mortgaged the house to pay for private treatment. They brought me anything that I wanted but half the time, they would cause me harm then good. I asked for a skateboard but knowing me, I'll break a bone and I really don't that. The same with roller blades but I got them and almost spent a month in hospital, that's normal in my house hold.
How will I act? Being on my own for the first time? What will everyone think of me? Will I find a crack of colour in this bleak, grey world?
To answer them questions, I hope so. I just want to be me, not how people see me. Shy, hardly speak because no one would listen to me unless they were a doctor and they were paid to hear my problems of not seeing colours and because of that, I wasn't able to make friends because I though it would be best to keep myself from everyone just in case I lose my life and I thought it would be OK for everyone else that they wouldn't get close to me.
I put everyone before me and I get used by everyone so half the time, I am OK with not talking to anyone but the truth is that I don't want to be that one person that's on their own without friends. I really need to get over the hurdle of letting my feeling be hurt and having other decide if they want to get hurt.
I know how to make cosplay items out of charity items and modify them into each character, sometime have to make them into new things that would help me. I love painting, more on walls them on canvas. It gives the wall heart and soul. What people should be. Not break peoples heart and leave them out on their own. That hurts a lot but its a barrier that people can get through.
Or push yourself through. Like Kryten From Red Dwarf. Or when you need to kick the door in because you lose your keys.