When something bugs one all ones life as if a song in a melody one does not know or the rhythm one cannot capture because the dance is out of jink. One cannot be that girl or woman or wife and mother because one knows inadequate half formed half baked because something someone had done something wrong to the worst possible of man.
It is nothing new that a child explores that the child loves to explore then the crime happened the exploring child left the premises in its place the frightened child. The unhappy child the child who became the mad child because it had seen something it was not meant to. Explorers beware what happened to that child? Why what went wrong?
The happy children who got away with murder were told their inheritance was not huge that the beastly man had given it to the second wife.
"But we are many they are few."
"His favourite wife."
The girls and guys fell down to earth from wanting their dad dead and gone they had now fallen into disgrace. The dead body early in the morning did recover that much they knew. They would be discovered put in jail and jailed or hanged. Their mother the ever helpful did what she had to.
Did the children murder their dad?
"How does one feel when the tragedy is not explained."
"But one of the sons shot himself the girls had breakdowns and were treated as whores and the other son became a clerk. In a humble capacity at the railways"
Tensions ran high the girls survival meant they had to marry well. But they were against marriage to begin with they had to change their surnames and the easiest thing was that they marry.
The boys went to the deed polls and changed it that way. In fact their name was mud.
Their ma was a pillar which would never go away.
It is called motherly love she said and she meant every word. The things which one did for the children and they brought shame and disgrace to their house. What had she done why did it happen they brought her shame.
All or nothing was in their eyes and they got nothing. They were bad kids they brought the world into the life inside her body. That was emptiness. There was this strange smell as if the stench would never leave them.
She gazed love in her eyes.
Blood shot already looking mad she was now the embarrassment which should be shelved diverted and made off somewhere out of sight out of mind. She the embarrassment not them.
She went in obligingly. She had nothing more to give them. They had taken everything.
She gazed insanity out and the entire world the place in her sides. She turned to stone.
Her manners changed as she was carried into the van the police van the cage already closed in her head bowed in shame.
Her husband's body soon was there in the ambulance while her body was in the police van. She would never speak again she died just about then.
He brought her shame but in a different way. It was a life full of hardship and now they became the criminals who had been and done it.
Their father had been about to sacked from his job as he now no longer able to contain his self and his wandering hands. Mess had made a complaint and the other women did too. So his days had been numbered as a Mosque assistant. The children would have lost their home and their family dignity. The pension lot too? Everything.
So they sent the old man to his death?
"They killed him."
The policeman said as the woman nodded her head she was guilty. But there was not much effort in her denial. She was covering them up as usual protecting them. They blamed me for some reason.
If I had not woken up if I had not stepped into the skull's puddle. If I kept my mouth shut. If I had not screamed and screamed again. If the nightmares had not happened. The thing was scared of sleeping on my own.
Had to touch the head of Gold make sure it was there. Made sure then slept and then made sure everything was there still. To live one has to depend on the very things which would bring disaster to one. This would not have happen they would have been able to live on the pension and the house.
"The window seal the window cage us in."
"They might come and collect the heads there is only the heads here."
"Me they are coming for me."
"The child is not herself."
"They will come for me."
"She has to remain quiet."
"I am not going to remain quiet."
"Just a touch of this?"
"Now behave. I am sleeping now like a good girl. I am a child who sleeps throughout I sleep like a dog or a kitten. Mother they are here."
"No one here."
"No heads or tails?"
Madness lasts only a certain time. The mad foolish things one seeks and finds and then the thoughts became fuzzy.
"She has become a shadow she has been like this for six weeks."
"She eats a lot of soup."
"She has to snap out of it."
"You listening were you?"
"Well listen to this if you do not get up I am going to kill you myself.!"
I had a troubled frown on my face did not believe her then they placed the bed outside and all the neighbours came to see me. There was no need I got off the bed.
Due to the dramatic nature of the cure there was endless nonsense that rough cures the sick more than soft.