Now I am in England and there the visit did happen .Mother did return. When the day of reckoning did happen because they had heard that I had been knifed. I had no idea I thought that news travels that far.
"You see." She hissed," she is insensitive."
I felt for some reason most superior.
Narrow escapes did happen but that was even more narrow than usual. He being a kindly man came over to see what he could do.
"But why man?" She kept on repeating why indeed I thought.
The step dad now concerned came over to see how I was. I was bloody nearing forty that was how I was. She did not want to be where she was saying it was too risky; that I was untamed and wild.
But I scarcely knew her she was now old. I was uneducated and there was nothing in common. We sat down very edgily. I was in some uncontrolled mood. I got up went to the phone and tried to dial a number. The posh house the clean carpet all got to me. The clean surfaces I asked who was doing the house work.
"My husband when he got attacked does all the cleaning in the house and I go out to work." Said my auntie or sister I had no idea who she was. But I had known about her she had influenced my life and had set me on causes which were not to my liking.
Now I felt out of place where I was and strangely at home. There was something so diabolical between us as if we understood the danger even the narrow escape.
There was a understanding for a better word as if we did not have to speak we knew what the other had done and been. There was this thing which is a bond. I had never felt this way with anyone else.
"Man if you go there you will die."
"I am going." Her husband said in a note of finality.
I did not want him to do it too. Let me live as I was and death would come but he did nothing but put the whole family picture in his mind. The heroic death and then the saving of a disaster.
Her husband who took so much from me just said he had to give his life for me so that I might have a life of my own. I just did not know what he had done or said. She just kept on repeating,
Step dad seemed to sense something inside the inn of his heart was not as bitter as mother's. She had sold both of us into slavery both of the daughters in order to pay for the things which are necessary. The law degree of the half brothers and the degree of the other staff.
It was a open marriage there was nothing else in it but openness step dad was gay.
The half brothers I did not even want to know have never seen them they were coming over to London when they got into a party and have not appeared sober since.
They have wives and children now protected and maybe the protector of the mafia? Get lost there it was the unnecessary thoughts add to failed attempts.
I needed this old man to do such a thing because I was nearing my time. My liver was drying and there was nowhere else to go but bottom. The thing was because I could not live with my family as the doctor with the doctrine said so.
Whose life is it anyway? I did not want anyone to die. I was making necessary wise steps of dying when a old man came and said he would do it for me. I am not a fool if he wants to then so be it.
His sons should defend him.
No they do not.
I do not make the world right for the people. A polished desk a office a official capacity. They took us away made us the meals and the ticketed out sister who had to live with her own father as a trophy wife. My half sister who was the good wife of the millionaire who lived in Grosvenor square and then wept. Filial duty sis carried to extremity.
Duty done white washed their incest and then swept off with the cash.
Well there mother there it is you stripped naked and now old and with the best will in the world why did we all do it? Money and more money.
"Would that make you a hero? Man do not do it." she begged her husband that day. His mind was made up I was a good enough girl.
Life is about making sacrifices in order to do well it has nothing to do with anything less. We all made such a huge sacrifice that a aging man over eighty died because of me and there it is. I the sweet girl the woman have become bitter now because it came to him when he no longer could live and his wife of many years was a bore and it meant less to live than to die. We must all live as heroes sometimes we think we believe we are. But nothing of the sort we would not get out and lend a hand if it did not mean a profit.
He now buried in Cyprus as the means to an end. Why is it the old die of heart attacks?
His wife in some golden cage looked after by her good daughter Mess and that makes her remarkable and good. She has millions swindled her husband probably killed him. There are so many murderers and murders that I can go on indefinitely all perfect and the balance of minds go.
Her husband father fell down the stairs and he only about sixty. He broke his neck when he fell. He had been carrying something heavy. No more deaths in this wayward life?
He had in his earlier days been in Australia and had stayed in there with his family. He had become attached and brought something to make his life more pleasant. His daughter and his only love.
"But he was not supposed to die?" raged dad.
"They were married."
"Are you insane his mum went insane when she saw them together in there in the same house as man and wife."
Rushing round saying land and jam and what not.
That irritated me who was supposed to die than? Are we Gods that we know? Grosvenor square 22 and there is his address the heart went out of the weddings that he had made. He a bold man who had riches and many many relatives.
"He has died and you not going to his funeral the poor bastard asked you to marry him endlessly and what did you do?"
"Refused and refusal means what?"
"Being singled out."
"In the end he could not breath."
He was such a bastard I thought.
Nil by mouth we do not know who is giving food anymore. Empty hands and there it was emptiness which brought us to our knees.