Thanksgiving. A day when we come together with our loved ones for a grand feast, to celebrate when America was founded by the pilgrims in the 16-somethings. It is a time of delicious food and family.
Few people in the public domain of the United States recall the Thanksgiving holiday of 1997, however. Why? If you asked, people would find that they simply couldn’t think of a reason. They just couldn’t remember.
In November 2008, several videotapes from cameras, traffic cams, security cams, and news footage were uncovered by a group of teenagers in Concord, New Hampshire, hidden underground in a bunker.
The teens responsibly turned the tapes in to the local authorities, who, upon viewing the tapes, were shocked speechless; the tapes all detailed the events that had occurred on November, 1997, from all over America, it seemed.
Something happened, Thanksgiving, 1997…
In mid October, 1997, a series of grisly murders in rural and suburban Massachusetts came to public attention; 15 bodies were found on the edges of local farms by the property owners, who quickly called the police. The farmers explained that they had not seen anyone leaving the scene beforehand, nor had any idea who would murder a person in such a horrid fashion; upon observation, each of the bodies were found to be covered in various cuts and lacerations all over, including some with their throats torn, but no evidence of stabbing or strangulation. The examiners deduced that the victims had died of blood loss, yet they still had no lead as to who was the culprit.
After interviewing several friends and relatives of the victims, it was revealed, oddly enough, that each of the victims would typically eat turkey sandwiches for lunch at work every day. This information was discarded as useless, of course, and still no other leads or possible culprits were found. The disappearance of several dozen turkeys from local farms was also mentioned, but was also deemed useless information.
After a short time, the killings arose again, every victim sporting similar scratches and slash marks all over their bodies, as well as major bruising, suggesting the victims were beaten to death. But the shape and arrangement of the wounds and bruises fit no traditional murder weapon accurately.
Soon, it was discovered that these killings were no isolated event; all over rural and suburban MA, murder victims were reported to have been killed in the same way: numerous lacerations, bruises, and in some cases, flesh torn off the body in chunks, almost as if bitten off. Curiously, all bodies were discovered near and around farms adjacent to woodland.
In an effort to catch the criminals responsible, Massachusetts police set up several hidden cameras in several areas. For a while, nothing happened, and the murders continued. On October 28th, however, one infrared traffic cam in suburban Boston captured a shocking video feed.
The video was recorded at 12:37 AM, and the scene it revealed was disturbing, to say the least; starting at 3 minutes and 12 seconds, the video showed a man running down the sidewalk, clearly in a panic, his clothes partially torn and bleeding from his right leg. The man stopped to catch his breath, but then his attackers caught up to him; a gang of six turkeys.
The turkeys charged the man, who flailed his arms in a pathetic attempt to defend himself, and then the turkeys jumped onto the man and pulled him down, where they savagely pecked the man, beat him with their wings, and slashed his flesh with their leg spurs and talons, eventually killing the man. It was after he was dead, that the turkeys began tearing off the man’s clothes and digging their beaks into his body, tearing off pieces of flesh and consuming them. The turkeys were eating him.
Understandably, this video was met with reactions of horror and disgust, as well as a significant drop in the turkey meat industry branch in the area. The local police and animal control immediately went into action, eventually catching the six turkeys identified, two of which were observed to be wild turkeys and the rest feral domesticated birds, in the middle of another killing. The six turkeys were killed, and everyone thought the whole thing was over.
But they were wrong…
Only weeks after the first six turkeys were killed, more of the same killings occurred, this time in states adjacent to Massachusetts. The same culprits; small flocks of escaped domesticated turkeys, with at least two wild turkeys, always toms, leading them. Similar actions were taken to eliminate the threat again, including game hunters paid to shoot any turkeys seen in the area. This time, however, the attacks did stop, but the mysterious turkey packs disappeared, with no record of them being killed.
Again the public thought the attacks were over, but they quickly resurfaced again; this time all the way in eastern Texas!
According to the local news and an eyewitness account, a group of 12 wild turkeys sneaked onto a ranch at night, burst in through the windows of the rancher’s’ house, and slaughtered every person inside. After killing the ranchers, the wild turkeys were then observed to remove the latch from the ranch’s turkey pen and free the birds inside, who followed the murderous wild turkeys into the night.
Events matching this one soon began popping up in several different counties all over the US with no explanation whatsoever, and it became evident that the turkeys were now attacking in bigger and bigger groups.
On November 5th, a pack of turkeys attacked people at a bus station in broad daylight. One tom turkey appeared to be giving actual commands to the others, including ordering them to chase down a woman who tried running. The police soon arrived on the scene, shooting several turkeys and startling the others into a retreat. Upon an autopsy of the bodies, the leader tom was discovered to be a hybrid of a domestic and wild turkey. The turkeys were interbreeding, and it seemed to produce bigger, smarter, and stronger birds who were smart enough to actively give orders.
More of these same cases came up all over, with hybrid turkeys leading large packs of both wild and feral turkeys in savage attacks on civilians, and the attacks appeared to be in a pattern of some kind; the turkeys were organizing themselves.
Despite the authorities’ best efforts, more attacks prevailed, and, hauntingly, turkeys were observed preemptively breaking into police stations at night and destroying all the guns and ammunition inside. They knew how to disarm us.
More and more attacks sprang up everywhere, even in the fairly large section of the US where wild turkeys were not native, but where there was a surplus of farm turkeys, who were escaping en masse.
Nobody could offer any worthwhile explanation of why the turkeys were organizing themselves and attacking, except for one man, a Hopi named Robert Lacapa. Lacapa tried to explain that for thousands of years, the Native Americans had hunted wild turkeys only in moderation, as they did other animals. But, ever since the settlers arrived and colonized America, turkeys were domesticated and slaughtered in the millions.
Lacapa’s reasoning was simple; the turkeys had had enough.
The attacks continued, soon evolving into full-scale turkey riots in the streets. Thousands of turkeys stormed towns and cities, viciously killing every human they encountered, but by far the most terrifying part was when a turkey attacked a cameraman, knocked him over, killed him with a spur to the throat, and then stared into the camera, and from its beak came something terrifying;
“GOBBLE GOBBLE, MOTHERF*CKER.”
The turkeys could mimic human speech. Even phrases they’d never heard, but formulated on their own. In no time at all, nearly every person attacked was met with a cackle of ‘gobble gobble, motherf*cker’ in his/her ears.
On November 16th, an urgent press conference was held at Washington, D.C., where President Clinton explained that numerous efforts were being made to stop the rampant turkey attacks. Not five minutes later in his speech, a pair of hybrid toms charged through the crowd and leaped onto the stage, jabbing the president hard with their beaks. The turkeys were quickly shot by secret service agents, but then a massive flock of feral turkeys burst from hiding and attacked the crowd of people, with numerous wild turkeys flying in from above and dive-bombing the civilians.
Now feeling not even the nation’s capitol was safe, mass hysteria broke out, and this only helped the turkeys in their vengeance.
The attacks got more organized; first, huge squadrons of wild turkeys would fly in and cause panic, and they were even observed dropping rocks, small animals, and their own fecal material on citizens. Then, the ground troops would charge in, consisting of feral turkeys and led by hybrids. The ground troops would burst into homes and chase the residents out into the streets, gathering them in a single place to all be killed at once, to the horrid cackling of ‘gobble gobble, mother*cker!’
These tactics were soon reported to be occurring in every single state, with hundreds of people dying every day at the claws of the mad turkeys bent on revenge.
No one had any idea how to defeat the turkey menace, other than a military strike. These had been attempted before, of course, with infantrymen in helicopters gunning down turkeys in the woods, but several turkeys would go on suicide attacks on the helicopters, flying into the rotors and causing them to crash.
The US military did all they could outside of missile strikes, but the turkeys were too strong in numbers for them.
On November 23rd, Lacapa announced to America on national television that he had spoken with the spirit of the turkey. Willing to believe pretty much anything at this point, the congress and senate listened to him. Lacapa stated that he had asked the turkey spirit why his people were going on a rampage, and the turkey spirit answered with the same reason Lacapa had initially given; his people would take being mere food no more.
Lacapa said he had pleaded with the turkey spirit to end the mass killing, and, eventually, the turkey spirit agreed, on one condition;
Lacapa quoted the turkey spirit: “Mankind had brought the wrath of my people upon themselves, and they must pay for their misdeeds. However, we turkeys are birds of honor, so I am willing to settle on an agreement; your white-skinned ancestors are responsible for turning our noble race into mere food animals, but those in the modern world must pay for their foolishness. I will call my people off their attacks, everything shall return to normal, ONLY if you do what I say now: for my people to be appeased, you must locate all living, pure-blooded descendants of the white men who first settled on this continent, and you must do to them the same that was done unto my people by their forefathers. Then, leave them as offerings at Plymouth rock, where it all began, so that my people may take their vengeance. If you do not follow this request, my people will continue to rebel, and the revolution will spread across the world, wherever turkeys are persecuted.”
Lacapa insisted that this was the only way the turkeys could be stopped, and, after a particularly long and grueling debate, it was decided by a ¾ vote that the pure-blooded descendants of the original american settlers be taken into custody and offered to the turkeys.
Understandably, the public view of this decision was completely negative. The people were outraged that the government had chosen to do this, but Lacapa claimed that there was no other way. Thus the descendents of the original pilgrims were located, via Ancestry.com, and there were quite of few thousand of them. It took three days and maximum government effort to round them all up, and, by the turkey spirit’s orders, these people were fattened up with various vegetables and stuffing, had their limbs bound, and were roasted over a fire on a spit like human turkeys.
On November 26th, the night of Thanksgiving, the human turkeys, still partially alive, were taken to the outskirts of Plymouth county and set on giant serving dishes by torchlight, by the turkey spirit’s demands. Also by the turkey spirit’s demands, the event was to be viewed nationally by every person in America.
At 10:00 PM, the turkeys came. Not a few turkeys, not a hundred turkeys, but all of the turkeys. Every single turkey in the United States.
President Clinton was among those at the scene that night, and as the turkeys gathered, their apparent leader, a hybrid turkey the size of a full-grown man, came up to him and stared the president in the eye.
The leader turkey then gobbled to the millions of others, and the turkeys all leaped upon the offerings, tearing into their breaded skin and feasting on them in a horrifying reversal of the normal Thanksgiving dinner. Every single turkey got to feast, even the little poults, and not a speck was spared. The turkeys even broke open the bones with rocks to feed on the marrow.
When it was all over, the turkeys, their long-desired revenge fulfilled, strutted off peacefully into the night.
No more attacks or killings were recorded in the following days, and many farmers were even treated to the surprise of their turkeys returning and locking themselves back in their pens.
The turkeys were certainly content with themselves, but this event, later known among the public as “Thankskilling”, scarred the nation. As such and to avoid any further outrage by the populace, the United States government had every single person who survived the massacre questioned and had their memories of the events permanently removed for cautionary purposes.
Life then continued as it always had, for both man and turkey. The turkeys still allowed themselves to be farmed as food, but now they were satisfied, having gotten retribution after hundreds of years.
The final tape was a farmer’s security camera, focused on a turkey pen late at night on July 3rd, 1996. The video clearly showed, at the 10 minute mark, a large, wild tom turkey fluttering into the pen, courting a domestic hen, and the two mating.
“Gobble gobble….motherf*cker…” The tom cackled.