PAROXYSMS (What is on my mind?)

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Chapter 19


April was asleep when I woke up. The fairy lights in the room were still on. Twelve hours earlier she had texted me when I told her we were headed off to New York. I told her I wanted to stay and then she asked what was stopping me. I was the one stopping myself and I have been doing it ever since. Not regarding to my thoughts, bottling it all up inside till my heart ached and I could not breathe. All I wrote was if she could come pick me up and help me flee and she was there in a jiffy. I look at her sleeping face, I was grateful.

I get up from the floor making as little movement as possible not wanting to wake her up. I make my way out the door to the drawing room. I see the yellow walls wishing Logan’s voice would screech out from the other end. I had so much to tell him before I was pulled back to the other end. I wish he could hear me and I wish I could hear him.


I look back at April standing.

“What are you doing here?” Her voice snapped.

“I could not sleep.”

“Are you alright?” She placed her hand on my forehead, then on my arms.

“You are cold Peel!”

She walked me towards the sofa sitting beside me, rubbing my arms. “You scared me Peel!”

“I am sorry.”

I embraced her tilting my head, resting it on her shoulder. “It just gets lonely sometimes April” I whisper as my voice breaks. Tears stream down my face. I do not know for how long I have denied my own emotions, my own paroxysms. April gently strokes my back as I weep with my arms across her. She lowers down her head and brushes her lips with mine. I look up, she wipes my tears as she comes closer pressing her lips on mine. She faces me pulling me close on her lap. She takes out her top and her breasts pop out. She holds my face in-between her hands pulling it close to her bare chest. She slides in her nipple in my mouth as I slowly begin to suck it. She gently strokes my hair. Her breasts were big, pink, soft and chubby with the left one sagging slightly more than the right one. She took out her vape and smoked as my tongue swirled around encircling her areola. Her nipple grew hard in my mouth and I began to nibble on it. She pulled out my mouth from her breasts placing her lips on mine, parting them apart exhaling out smoke. An ecstatic frenzy of erotic desire and passion surrounded us. She pulled out my top as my breasts slumped down. She stuck out her tongue rolling it across my nipples, moistening it. She brought her chest closed to mine as she rubbed our nipples together. My nipples hardened, I moaned in pleasure. She pulled out my pants inserting her fingers inside me. The ground below us sank down as we seeped in it. I was leaning against a wall as Logan whispered “I have been waiting for you.”

It was 6 AM in the morning. April was seated on the floor resting her head on the bedroom wall as I sat beside her staring. Everything I was contemplating felt so real as if it were all truly happening. The fairy lights were still on. I look at her face with guilt. This had to stop!

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