PAROXYSMS (What is on my mind?)

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Chapter 23

PEEL

Mig was seated in the living room when I walked in. I could tell by her face that she had been worried and scared. She yelled as I limped in with my head down. I was desperate for some answers and I had completely forgotten she was supposed to pick me up after the session and I had not informed before leaving all alone by myself.

“You could have called Peel!” her voice exploded over the place.

I stood there as she rebuked.

“Do you have any idea how much worried I have been? And where the hell were you?”

Mig sat down watching as she continued yelling.

“I do not want you to be doing that ever again Peel!”

“Stop it April!” my voice so sharp and strong it baffled her as I continued,

“Stop treating me like I am a suicidal lunatic, I am doing the best I can for myself and I will not kill myself!”

“Yeah! Like you had not tried doing that before?” her words were like a sharp knife shredding my heart into pieces. She was the last one I wanted to have an argument with. The one I needed the most beside me. She was upset and I was the one that upset her. I fell on my knees bursting out in tears. I had never cried like that in my entire life. I was tired of being alone. I had seen things change, people change even when I stayed the same and I was just tired of it!

“Peel!” they both called out kneeling down before me. April threw her arms around me apologizing as Mig gently patted on my shoulders. She did not have to apologize, I knew she was concerned because she cared. I embraced her tightly staggering out my apology. They lifted me up off the floor seating me down on the sofa. April ran to get me a glass of water as Mig knelt down squeezing my hand. They stayed till my body gave up and I had no tears left to cry before slumber took over and I felt a weight being lifted off my chest.

*****

I liked scribbling and I liked to draw. I always found papers on the shelves behind the black door. I wanted to draw the tree, the sky, the road and everything nice. I open the door and I see Nanny Karen inside, bending down over the table with her pants down. Daddy was standing behind her with his pants down too. He pushing her with his legs as she screamed. I pushed open the door. They quickly wore their pants moving away from each other. Daddy never spoke looking at me ever again.

*****

When I woke up my head felt heavy. April had fallen asleep on the sofa working on her recent piece. One day perhaps she will be a great mother. I remember my mother being an elegant, sophisticated lady who devoured in her work. I do not have much memories of her. I tell myself she was a very busy woman and time was her valuable asset. She did not like spending it much with me.

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