Sonder
The bus driver is half awake but nobody seems to care . He is a chubby short man with a lot of body hair and he smells like cigarettes . Though he smells like cigarettes I'm convinced he smells better than me . I have neither showered nor eaten in days . I'm pretty sure you can hear my bones rattle as I move and you can smell me from miles away .
Vicky doesn't seem to mind . She isn't like anybody else from that horrible place . She is nice and actually cares . Maybe it's just because she's a child . I miss having that child like innocence . I used to be the most happy and loving person . That of course was until my parents threw me in a mental hospital .
I don't blame them though, I blame Thomas , I blame Jake , I blame myself ,if only I didn't....
" Elly ? " Vicky says with a shaky voice and concern in her eyes .
I woke her . That means I must be shaking again , I'm at the verge of having a panic attack. Thirty years in that horrible place and I still can't control it . The fear , the anxiousness , the horrible storm that swells up in my throat when I think about that day . When I think about him .
" I'm okay " I say while kissing her forehead . I don't like to make her worry , I can't stand doing that to her.
" Rob says you just need to see Jake again then puff Thomas will be gone !" She says with an enthusiastic smile on her face . " He says it's uhmm closer or something like that " .
" Closure? " I question and she makes a silly face which lights up my heart a little .
"Rob says he died in this same bus " she says with a curious look on her face .
I give her a half smile not sure what to say to that . Rob . The voices . The reason she was in that place . She insisted to come with me but I'm not sure if it was such a good idea . Keeping her there wouldn't have help her , that I'm sure of . It would have messed her up , she would lose her child like innocence and she wouldn't be Vicky anymore . She would be sad and depressed , constantly fighting the urge to end it all.....she would be me .
Vicky falls asleep and I let my mind wonder . I look around the bus and notice many people . I haven't seen this many people in years . I notice a teenage girl with red hair who looks worried and horrified. I wonder what's going on in her life ?. Then it hits me this unusual feeling ' she has a life ' . A life that's maybe more complex and vivid than mine . A life that could make for an interesting story . ' everybody has a life ' .
