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The Twitch Twats: The case of the deceased dumbass

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A short story written about my friends.

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Chapter 1

It was a regular Monday night and the twats were getting ready to play. “I’m just going to take a smoke break before we start” said Dragoneseplaying. Their regular start time rolled around and Dragonese hadn’t yet joined them. They waited a few more minutes but still no sign of him. “Prepare the ritual shouted” the cursed titan as he proceeded to ping Dragonese multiple times. The other 2 joined in but still no reaction. “He’s dead again” proclaimed Cursed, “Let’s just start without him”. “No” Said Azura. “He’s missed the last few we need him and he’ll join even if I have to go over there and force him” said Azura. “And how do you plan to do that?” replied Cursed. “I’ll take the Twatmobile” which was just a golf cart made of hard butter. After a long journey he finally arrived at Dragonese’s apartment building. To his surprise Tai and Cursed were there waiting. Butter carts were not at all an effective means of transport.

Which one’s his they all pondered. “let’s ask a local” suggested Tai. “they probably speak better English than we do”. They flagged down the first person they saw and asked “Excuse me sir. Do you happen to know where a Sven Toblerone lives?” “which one?” he replied “That’s a very common name. There are at least 5 of them in this building alone”. They should have expected this. They tried to Describe him using words like Mafia and asleep until they released they could probably find a picture or failing that the art done of them. With this the man gave them an apartment number. Did he really know or was he just trying to get rid of them? They did not know but it was their only lead. They ventured up to the apartment to find the door was unlocked. This was convenient but did not bode well. “Let’s split up” said Tai. “Cursed and I will take the bedroom. You can look in the kitchen Azura”. Clues will surely be in the fridge thought Azura. “I am not sure about this” he said as he came to the realization the only food in Sven’s fridge was half eaten sachets of mayonnaise and Swedish meatballs. “Quick Azura get in here” shouted Cursed followed immediately by Tai saying “yes come play with us in the bedroom”. Azura ran into the bedroom to find the two of them riffling through a set of drawers. “Guess what we found” said Tai gleefully. “Do I want to know?” said Azura. As he began to shake his head Tai pulled a number of fake IDs out all with different names on. “I also found this” said Tai brandishing a card for a gentleman’s club with a strange phrase written on it. “Guess we know where Dragonese is” laughed Tai. The three men wiped their fingerprints off of everything thinking it would help and left for the club. After arriving at the club the three went their separate ways. Azura tried to order a drink and stood awkwardly by the buffet. As Tai admired the dancers Cursed found a way into the backroom and beckoned the others. They cautiously made their way into a secluded room where they found a pair of mafia stereotypes. “Yous ain’t the boss” one of the men said. “We’re looking for Sven Toblerone” Tai said. He should be hear any minute. We’ve got a meeting with him” Said the second man. A door creaked open behind them and in walked Sven. “Right on time” said the first man.

“Wait a second” Proclaimed Azura. “That’s not Sven. Sven would never be on time” “curses” exclaimed the mystery doppleganger. “My bigger strength is his biggest weakest. Punctuality”. It was Sven’s evil twin Nevs Enorelbot. “What have you done with Sven” the men questioned. “I’ve done away with him so I can take his place as crime lord.

“That’s diabolical” gasped Azura. “You may have found me out but you’ll never stop me” Shouted Nevs as he ran away dropping various things out his pockets. The trio searched the dropped items for loot finding some coins, one of those pens with a naked lady on it and a key that said storage room. In the storage room the guys found a key to Sven’s apartment. “Well I guess we should go back there” Cursed said. Back at the apartment the trio was exhausted, Azura decided he would take a nap in the bed. He got under the cover, rolled over and found himself now cuddling a sleeping Dragonese. “for fucks sake” shouted azura storming back into the other room. “He was asleep the whole time. Why didn’t we realise? I’ll see you guys next week, with or without dragonese”

The End

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