Chapter 1
Whether it is the sea of desires or rainwater, I have nothing to do with it. Samia, please do not come to me as his lawyer. His best friend and the dirty sister in Shiraz’s love, Samia came again today with her only brother’s relationship and it was like a test on her. He was determined to get her, he was not giving any importance to her refusal, he said that Sabine was in love with him during the university days and her love could never end... neither Sabine’s. Love was so fleeting that the slightest misbehavior would destroy it. Despite Sabin’s refusal every time, Samia kept going on the bhai’s insistence and the same happened today.
″Tell your brother that the love he is hoping for is buried somewhere, please don’t come to talk about it again, this is my request to you.″ Sabine’s tone was very tired. Samia understood her condition but was forced to face her brother’s stubbornness.
″I know my words cause pain to him but I don’t love him anymore…″ she says in yellow tone she turns away.
″Sabin, please think, maybe there will be a chance because it is a question of life for both of you.″
Samia made her last attempt. ″Capacity? A space can be made to save a relationship, but after the end of love, a space cannot be made, and when the space was made, Samia, your brother turned away at that time, his love was proved to be temporary, then he did not see my tears, my pain. Aya, now you say that I should make room, it is not possible, love is no longer in my heart, the passion that used to make me powerless is no longer in me,″she said softly. Samia felt lost in another world.
Samia looked at her annoyed and stood up. A new wave of agony crept into her heart. Shiraz was the one she had longed for—the one who had been her first and last prayer—he had ignored her and now he was the one who desperately wanted her. He longed for it and wanted to adopt it in a dignified manner and it was no longer possible for him. Now when you are asking for my love, my heart is silent, no passion rises in my heart, no desire, no dream is connected with you, then why should I look at you? You, who were once the first desire of the heart, are now a stranger to it, and it is not proper for me to look in the direction of a stranger, nor has it been among my principles to gratify the feelings of a stranger. Sabin was standing in front of the mirror thinking after Samia left, but the flaw of first love is that it doesn’t fade from the heart, even if you want a million separation, but its cry always rises from a corner of your heart. . The colors of the desire of first love do not come off, but she did not know these things or perhaps did not want to know. She lay down on the bed tiredly and closed her eyes, the past came to her closed eyes and made her think a lot.
It was the period of university, that is, the period of her love when she was completely immersed in Shiraz’s love, but there was no such feeling as love for her in Shiraz’s heart. Unrecognized, he was one of those people who likes to go where he wants, to be in the eye of the crowd, his first wish, he had a good and witty personality, he was the talk of the whole university. She didn’t even get addicted to Shiraz that her love was like worship but the first time she went through the cracks was when she saw Shiraz chatting with the final girl in the college canteen and then he was her. She started to look busy, she kept watching the castle of her dreams crumble and Shiraz’s laughter kept insulting her dreams. These days, this pair was known as the hot couple in the university and Sabine was bleeding tears in her heart, she only had love for Shiraz, but Shiraz probably didn’t understand it. Insulting herself was not acceptable at all - remained silent and kept far away from Shiraz and Shiraz returned to her after a few days.
″What happened, where is that girl today?″ She came to Sabine, Sabine asked unknowingly while she didn’t mean to, she didn’t want to reveal her feelings to him.
″I am bored, my friend.″ Shiraz’s tone was disgusted, and he was deeply saddened.
″How can you do that Shiraz? There is no fighting game that you will ever get bored playing.″ He had said it very sadly and Shiraz smiled at him seriously.
″Look, all the girls here are also mean-spirited, if you keep up with their fashions, then they go with you, otherwise they start traveling in new directions - even for the boys, they are no more than a cigarette, as long as their taste is in their mouths. They continue to drink and when they finish, they throw it away. Now every girl is not like you or like the target. To whom you can come whenever you want to when you are exhausted, it is only your trust.″
Shiraz was looking into her eyes and saying, she laughed at his manner. ″Shiraz Is a relationship made only by a girl, the man should not have a hand in it?″ She wanted to explain something to him in signs but he was in no mood to understand at the moment.
″Leave... I will marry you and I know you will always take care of me.″ He had spoken mischievously with one eye closed and Sabine’s soul had calmed down and then he could not remember anything.
She was a foolish woman, she was such that if Shiraz had made a mistake and apologized and told her the importance of it, she would have melted immediately, the flame of love in her heart would have started burning in a moment. Like every woman, she wants not to let the man she loves go anywhere, and if he does, it will be her biggest defeat. Shiraz made many promises of love to her and she forgot everything in his love, including all her mistakes and gave Shiraz the status of a god. When he was away, Shiraz used to take the bus by force, and he would do everything in the name of love, he would give everything, because Shiraz liked to show him the right. For some time, Sarka and Shiraz were affected by some other girl’s slurs, while Sabine tried everything possible to get Shiraz to her direction, but he continued to act like an unruly horse and ignored her. She was hurt by Shiraz’s behavior and that night she cried for a long time remembering his words. After performing the Fajr prayer, she began to pray in front of Allah, when warm fluid flowed uncontrollably from her eyes. Does my Lord not know that I have no power left? A girl can love only once, you know that, right? Then why am I constantly kept in torment, how can someone make my life an exam, I accept Allah that I made a mistake, but I don’t want to repeat that mistake now. Please Allah take Shiraz away from me - I used to pray for him, today I am praying for distance from him, Allah please take me out of this agony. please god While crying, her hiccups stopped and then Sabine was relieved and she continued to cry for a long time.
Sabin Bukhari - Then what have you thought, will you give me a chance so that I can bring happiness in your life and smile on your face? Hamza is the high-ranking educated son of Mamma’s cousin who fell in love with Sabin’s melancholy appearance, but Sabin no longer needed his love. He found Hamza believable, very detached from the world. There was a strange glint in his eyes, due to which the lens could not see in his eyes for a long time. Instead of seriousness, there was mischief on his face. She quietly moved away from him. He did not know how long he stayed in the house and what he talked about with Mama Baba, but this is how they make themselves innocent by fighting and laying a trap. I will base it - Sabine thought he was innocent, but she didn’t want to give him a single chance, she used to hide in her room when he came home, she didn’t want to talk to him - that he was in a bad mood. He also used to get spoiled by talking to strangers. As long as Shiraz was with her, she was the funnest of all, but after that her heart was broken by everything, and she was not so carefree that anyone else would ask permission to try to keep her happy. She wanted to open up to someone layer by layer - when did she want to advertise her sorrows but she was helpless - whatever happened was very good, the disbelief and indifference that you get in response to intense love. The poison was poisoned, selfishness becomes your favorite game again - but she wasn’t hurting herself for them, but it wasn’t like she was smiling openly either. After Hamza left, Mamma came to her room and she was half lying on the bed. Mamma had mentioned her marriage to Hamza, she remained silent. Hamza knew everything but he understood that one should not judge someone’s future by looking at their past. There will be glimpses of the past, certainly not in the near future. Also, he knew that when the scattered people come to wind up, where the sorrows of the whole wind up - he himself was afraid of being scattered. I didn’t give it - Today, again, Mom invited Pran’s family for dinner, so he also came along. Seeing everyone gathered together, Sabine went to her room. At Mamma’s signal, Hamza followed him.
″Hamza, I don’t want to make your life difficult, isn’t it better that you live a peaceful life?″ he asked helplessly. Hamza shook her head in the negative and made an innocent expression on her face, she shook her head.
″So I guess yes?″ Hamza was smiling with raised eyebrows; she shook her neck in the negative. Hamza looked at Sabine and went back that night. Then she stood there for a long time and traveled from the past to the present. But now Hamza was in her thoughts for whom there was no place in her heart. She liked him but not like Hamza liked him, there was no one else in his heart except Shiraz even after he left.
″I can’t meet.″ She briefly wanted to turn off the phone, but Shiraz humbly said immediately.
″Please take the last barrel I won’t bother you at all after that I swear, Sabin.″ And she had melted, she was so hard-hearted, Shiraz knew that she was stupid, he would be in front of her, so she did not have the courage to refuse.
″Okay, I’m coming tomorrow.″
She knew where she had to go, so she didn’t ask for the place. Sabine was terrified at the thought of meeting him, she knew she would be weak but she didn’t want to give him another chance. But what if it is resolved? If he sits in front of you with folded hands, then you will be able to find ways to escape? He had always done this and this time he did it again. Someone asked him a question. Love is that emotion which, even after the passing of age, if called, the heart starts to tempt to turn towards it. Then that was my love - but I have to keep my courage until the end, I can’t bend, I can’t turn back. She was cross-examining herself, preparing her own answers. She came out of the house knocking momma. They didn’t ask any questions because they had complete trust in Sabin.
On the way, a thousand fears kept sheltering in her heart, she ignored them all and finally reached the cafe. She had just opened the car door when Shiraz came to her smiling. She couldn’t even smile while keeping quiet, while Shiraz was very excited compared to Sabin, seeing him in front of him, Shiraz was holding his hand and was moving towards the cafe. Sabin didn’t feel the cold outside. There was no stirring in his heart. He reached a table and pulled a chair and signaled her to sit, she sat quietly and he also sat in front of her.
″You cannot imagine how happy I am to see you here with me - I have never been so happy before.″ He paused for a moment. ″There is magic in you when you forget the world when you are together.″ When he said that she smiled, under what spirit she did not know, but Shiraz was completely relieved. ″Your smile is still the same to make a contestant lick their cheeks, this attraction is in very special girls and I know my sabi is very special.″
He wanted to put his heart and soul on the palm of his hand. A man is ready to annihilate himself before a woman, when she is deeply entangled in his affections, and when he has obtained her he turns away recklessly. Also, Shiraz’s words appeared on the screen of Sabin’s mind, then a sarcastic smile appeared on his face. Nothing had happened as she had come here thinking that love would take a new turn. He looked at it carefully.
″How long have I been talking to you too - I have longed to hear you, man, this love is a bad call.″ Saying that, he laughed to himself - Sabin looked inquisitively at Shiraz and placed the mug of coffee on the table and interlaced the fingers of both hands.
″I thought that if I meet you, the noise of my emotions will disturb the peace inside me, but Shiraz, the peace of death is still here, you know that? Love still does not have the heart to favor you.″ She spoke very quietly looking out through the dark glass.
″I have asked for forgiveness for my mistakes so that I am ready to make amends, God will never make a mistake again.″ He was looking for a positive answer in her eyes and she was silent, took the last sip of coffee from the mug to her lips and placed the mug on the table as if looking at him.
″Some mistakes cannot be undone, Shiraz, time heals them, but these relationships cannot be restored because the relationships of the heart are only based on trust and confidence.″ When Sabin spoke carefully looking into Shiraz’s eyes, he got excited and immediately held Sabin’s hands and held them tightly.
″Believe me, your love is reaching extremes now - you can see in my eyes, I have become a magician, I have started to write poetry, my friend, please come back to me once - I will remove everything.″
When he said that, Sen started to feel nervous, she didn’t want to hear all this. The person who hated to see tears in my eyes, who was ready to give me every freedom to live, who left me helpless despite my thousand promises, how can I believe now that this person I have fallen in love with him, he has started to write poetry for me too? How can I believe Shiraz and even if I do believe, what will I get? I just don’t have to love you anymore. At the end of everything, Udir Bani would just say that love is no more and Shiraz felt the bitterness of her tone and was once again disappointed but he didn’t want to lose yet, she kept looking around carefully. It was only then that he saw the wanted person, so he pointed his hand - Shiraz was shocked to see him pointing, he was a handsome young man, he was coming towards him smiling.
″Shiraz meet them it’s Hamza - we have an engagement next week and Hamza you know them.″
Sabine smiled and set the stage for introductions. Who does not know him - he is very famous, Masha Allah, Shiraz was a gold medalist of this university - Hamza also knew him in this regard. Hamza went forward to greet him and he smiled. Sabine noticed that Hamza’s tone was very soft, he was not at all unusual seeing him with Shiraz, she was surprised that this was his way of testing Hamza and he had succeeded. After one love, she is trying on another love, but this time she will be successful. Shiraz threw a burning sentence towards him and he laughed. This was his reality. She was smiling and saying to Hamza - Hamza was silent now. Sabine was again sitting at the table and ordering coffee. Hamza was also sitting with him.
″What do you think Sabin- does it happen as Shiraz said?″
Hamza’s face was still serious. ″A failed first love is no guarantee of a successful second love because love changes its ways every time, it keeps a new list with a new person. I asked that if you have any problem now or later, you will be responsible for it. I don’t care about anything now, but maybe your honor will teach me to love you too, but I am not making any promises - yours and mama. For I am doing so much that I want to get out of my past and start a new life, you know how far behind Shiraz is, but I am not reversing its direction, while now it can be a good experience.″
She kept talking till the coffee came and Hamza was listening to her while picking up his mug.
″Sabin, why didn’t you accept Shiraz’s words just for the sake of ego?″ he asked and Sabine looked into his eyes.
″His love has been hollowed out and somehow can no longer flourish inside me - a woman can never love again even after forgetting her love and the extreme denigration of herself, then a compromise is made while I have a better option. Why would I compromise? And Hamzah says that if a man wants to turn back, he can be stopped by holding his hand. But if a woman wants to turn back, she cannot be stopped, she is already gone before she turns back, so this is 100% true ''
Sabin said something carelessly and something seriously, then he smiled at N’s childhood saying.
''When aunty told me that Sabin called you, good news, she has agreed to get engaged next week, and now she has to go shopping and pick you up from a cafe, so believe me, I was shocked. I couldn’t figure out whether what you wear on your feet is called a shoe or a sock, what you use to make your hair a brush or polish - Mamma suspected that I was on the verge of going mad with joy.'' He changed the subject and started humming in the desire to see Krase smile. Sabine had smiled for the first time today.
''Why didn’t you react when you saw me with Shiraz?'' Not knowing what she wanted to know, Hamza smiled.
''When you introduced me to him, all doubts were washed away. He paused for a few moments and then he was gone. And I was sure that if you moved towards me, you must have left the past behind.'' She always had a smile on her lips, she smiled at the boy’s confidence.
''I am sure that my love will cause new and stronger buds to sprout in the wilting plant of love within you,'' Hamza said while looking into her black lake-like eyes, she laughed mischievously.
And as surely as you are saying, I am sure that you are telling the truth,''she said seriously, forcing Hamza to hum. You are my beloved, why should I not love you? She sat in the car with a smile on her lips