Start writing here…I’m grieving the loss of a child.
I haven’t lost a child but, I’m grieving that loss of a child (and children) I have never bore.
It seems to me, I’ve missed from my life what so many women I know have.
It would seem miraculous to me, feeling another heart beat inside of me.
The joy I would feel having a baby grow in my own body.
I would have loved to go through the joy of painful childbirth.
When my friends and other woman I know boast about their children and grandchildren, I just quiver.
I know I don’t have anything as wonderful or amazing as their children to talk about
I then ask myself (as I have asked myself zillions of times):
“Why didn’t I have children when I could?”
Then blame and anger, anger at myself, set in.
It feels worse for me seeing pictures of babies.
At these times, I fix my eyes to the heavens as if I’ve come to the face of God and cry out, “Why God?”
“What purpose was there to make me childless when you “know” my deep love for children?”
“Was it in your plan for me to suffer so, being deprived of what would’ve made my life complete?”
“Why God, why?”
Then I sob, like as a river never ends.
Maybe I’ll go through life, not ever knowing the reason why I didn’t have a child.
I do know, I grieve.
How can I experience grief, grief for a child (and children) I never had?
Is this possible?
Evelyn M. Pinto
March 9, 2014
March 27, 2017 (edited)Grief