My life as being transgender

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How I Felt When I Was Depressed

I know I was never really to great at expressing how I feel. I cared more about others than I did myself. That's probably why it took me awhile to come out to my family about the change. When bad things started happening one by one, I felt scared. Sometimes I would have a panic attack at school, during a class. I never wanted my friends to see me like that, so I pushed them away. I stopped hanging out with them before school,I started eating lunch alone by the lockers,I stopped returning their calls and texts,and I even would run away if they found me. I was basically non-existent for about 3 weeks. I just wanted to be alone. I only have classes with 2 people I considered friends, but I steered clear from them to. One of my friends thought it was a good idea to tell their counselor that something was up. That didn't help, I was PISSED! I got a slip during forensic science to go see my counselor. When I got there I pretended everything was just fine. I could tell she was trying to see if i needed grief counseling. About 3 weeks after the depression started I started thinking about suicide,and nearly slit my wrists when everyone at my house was sleeping. That moment I knew I needed help. I never went to a counselor about my depression. For me it's kinda hard to tell a counselor how I really feel. Because of how I pushed certain people away they didn't care anymore, they probably wished I would kill myself. When I started talking to people again, I told them everything. Well... almost everything, I kept the suicidal thing to myself. It was hard enough telling them why I felt so depressed. When I was depressed I felt like I was numb and that this wasn't reality, that it was just a night mare that I could wake up from at any second.

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