TICK TOCK An Awareness of Satanic Ritual Abuse

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Chapter 31: Systems

There are two systems that I am aware of. One is the inner world where there is a castle and dungeons etc which the majority of sra surivors that I know have built into them. And the other is cubes which is what my system is and I know of only one other who has the same. In the inner world there will be other identities created in all victims that have specific roles in the “kingdoms”. For example there will be doorkeepers and protectors and elves etc. Each role has a specific function, a job. These roles will be standard across the globe, they might have varying imagery and overlays of naming but the basic concept will be the same. The system will be built to work against the self by programming identities to for example be cued when a survivor attempts to start therapy that will then punish or report the survivor by causing self-harm or contacting the survivors family to report on therapy. If need be the survivor will be taken by the cult and punished/reprogrammed if the internal system is not sufficiently able to keep control of the survivor. In cubes, there are merely different groupings of identities in different cubes for example the sexual identities are in a certain coloured cube, the spiritual taught identities in another etc. Each cube is under a main “fronting alter” and the parts in the cube are like off-shoots of the fronting alter. This is basically the programmers mapping of the brain. The assigning of key words, trigger words to specific identities and the programming of identities to guard over other identities.

Each of the cubes in our system was 10 x 10 x 10. I know that standard is supposed to be 13 x 13 x 13. But for some reason I know ours in 10 x 10 x 10. I do not know why either but it has to do with kabbalah. I have been asked by my therapist to identify the protector parts. This is a standard “job” assigned to parts. But I cannot identify anyone as a protector specifically. There is no such thing as someone to protect you, you have to protect yourself. I think its a case of me having a large number of protectors. A protector part is a part that will come up in any given situation that requires protecting the system. It might be to protect against the system questioning, when for example amnesia is starting to break down, or the person is confronted with a different alternative to something they have been taught, like someone finding value in them for example. The protector does what is necessary to protect the system against conflict internally. A protector would not for example start physically defending themselves when in a traumatic situation. They have not been taught to do that. They don’t have a sense of self value only self preservation. In a traumatising situation the protector will become whoever the person needs to be to survive the situation with the least amount of trauma. This could be physical or emotional.

Part of therapy as a standard practice is to create a safe place inside where parts can be safe. I have been unable to do that. I have been taught no place is safe, not even an imaginary place. There is no place that is safe. So that is something that my therapist is going to need to figure out.

But from what I understand and I am not entirely sure how I know it either just that I know it, each cube is divided into 10 x 10 x 10. Each block of the cube contains a specific occurrence of event within that cube, for example my father sexually abusing me while my mother watched would be in one block. In that block is a cube 10 x 10 x 10 which is filled up with those instances each one in its own block sorted by for example age. Within each of those blocks is its own cube 10 x 10 x 10 each with its own instance of occurrence at the applicable age. And it is an infinite process that will keep creating as needed. There is no protector guarding in the true sense of a protector. Only that there is groupings within grouping and that each block of each cube is in itself separate from the whole and has amnesic barriers that thin out as the cubes form within a cube. The deeper it goes the thinner the barriers between the instances in the cube.

I once tried hypnotherapy, not to remember but to more to forget. I thought if I could just be hypnotised I could “send the parts away” without having to deal with their trauma. Logic said no parts, no traumatic memories to process. Right? Wrong. But a group of parts were moved in a hypnotherapy session and I have not heard them speak in my head since. It left a big gap inside when that happened. It was also the first time I realised that the “parts” I hated actually did play a significant part in my life. But it almost feels like they never existed in a strange kind of way. Or perhaps its more a case of we no longer notice their voices missing anymore. Or prehaps we just don’t recognise them anymore amongst the many remaining voices. I am honestly not sure what happened. But it does leave me with a certain degree of guilt at being so calous, at thinking I could just “make them disappear”. I kinda of feel like I am no better than “them” who just kill off those who are no longer of use. I feel like I killed off those that I didn’t want to know of. Anyway. I remember too hearing a conversation once where they spoke of moving between the cubes. But that was a long time ago now. It feels like they belonged to someone else entirely. After they disappeared we stopped any talk of them or thoughts of them. It was easier for the emptiness to be forgotten if we never acknowledged their existence. Thinking back on it now, it does seem like that was a completely different existence. A lot has changed since then. I cannot exactly describe what though, except that life was different when the blue cube was in control. Perhaps that was their function. Perhaps they were the controlling cube and now we have system with no control in place. I cannot say, they feel like they belonged in another lifetime altogether. My “system” which I prefer to just refer to as my head, comprises of six cube. Four stacked one on top of the other. And the last two inside the fourth cube, three cubes in one cube. Their colours are from the top, blue, green, yellow, black, red, black.

My system has a lot of kabbalah in it. But I do not really want to get into that right now, perhaps later in this book.

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