TICK TOCK An Awareness of Satanic Ritual Abuse

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Chapter 4: For what did you birth me?

“Obviously I bordered on insanity before I even came into being,

(Chose to be a warrior),

Everyday I wake and feel more hopeless that before,

(Chose to be a warrior),

Nothing in this life is in anyway what it seems,

Yet I chose to be a warrior.

He must be more than I remember, the One that I adore.

This constant battle for a life that contains no meaning to me,

(Chose to be a warrior),

A life where I do not belong, what did I come here for?

(Chose to be a warrior),

Surrounded by the constant onslaught of pain and fear,

Yet I chose to a warrior.

He must be more than I remember, the One that I adore.

I see the actions of His creation,

(Chose to be a warrior),

Hopeless and lost, blinded by their lust for more,

(Chose to be a warrior),

A world controlled by manipulation,

Yet I chose to be a warrior.

He must be more than I remember, the One that I adore.

How is it possible to love so much when love I do not know?

(Chose to be a warrior),

To be willing to give my life for the life of another,

(Chose to be a warrior),

Where angels fear to tread, I still go,

Yet I chose to be a warrior.

He must be more than I remember, the One that I adore.

I see the picture and it makes no sense,

(Chose to be a warrior),

I don’t see His logic, this world rotten to the core,

(Chose to be a warrior),

But for this thing called love we fight to cleanse,

Yet I chose to be a warrior.

He must be more than I remember, the One that I adore.”

Casey Winterburn 2011

I remember.

Way back, before all of this. Before all the pain. Before the darkness and despair. Before.

The BlueWhite. Home. Where one is safe. Protected. Cared for. Yes, even loved. That word. Loved.

Do you think for one moment that because we never experienced what it was to have a parent love us that we would not realise something was amiss? Did you really believe that something unknown could not be missed? Perhaps. Except, there is one thing that is known by all regardless. And that is love. That word. That I struggle to expel from my lips, or allow to flitter off my fingertips. Because before we are birthed, we are one with Yahweh, one with the BlueWhite, one with Love. And when you come from Love, there is nothing in this world or outside of it that can make you forget the existence of that feeling of being loved.

And you my parent. You. You did not give me love. Birthed me you did. But birthed me out of love you did not. You birthed me for you own agenda.

BUT.

Always a BUT.

There is nothing that can convince me, that you yourself did not know Love. That you yourself did not know the absence of Love. NOR that YOU YOURSELF did not have a CHOICE to abandon love. And abandon love you did. You abandoned the first estate held. And you birthed me as your payment to get “there”.

There. Yes. There. For there is where you are headed. “There” is where you know you are headed yet “there” is where you choose to go. I choose it not. Your choice is yours. I abide no longer by your choices, your rules, your authority.

So many variants of emotion that flare up from within at the thought of YOU. YOU. I was your child. My RIGHT was to be loved. You forsook me my birthright. You took it from me and in exchange you gave me an inheritance that I chose not.

But it failed you.

It failed you.

FOR I AM NOT LIKE YOU.

And the inheritance will die with me I so do pray it true.

Unless, unless that nagging thought that gnaws from within, 18 years old watching you leaving with my child. The child I have no current memory of birthing. Unless it could be that the very tragedy that I believe never occurred did in fact occur. Unless... unless.

We push it to the back where we do not think, know, feel it.

Push it away, back, down, under, where all the pain hides, and tuck it neatly away out of sight and hope we stumble not upon it again. For such is such that we cannot.

YOU. I know not where to even begin. You stole from me. Everything that is anything. You stole the beginning. You stole my beginning. But not my end. Not my end.

Everyday I shall fight you. Everyday I shall fight to win. To find my life, the one YOU stole so that I may too know what it is to live LIFE. I shall fight you everyday for my right to my life that YOU stole.

Thief.

Murderer.

Bigot.

Liar.

Whore.

Pedophile.

Rapist.

Torturer.

Master of the Occult.

No Father of mine.

No Mother of my own.

No Brother not one.

I am my own. I am alone. I AM NOT LIKE YOU.

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