I am a hillbilly, or I should say, I izz a hillbilly! I grew up mostly in north Georgia, leastwise most of my childhood anyways. Right about where Tennessee, North Carolina and Georgia all meet, when they’re not wandering around lost in them hills blind drunk on moonshine anyways. Well this story aint about me or those hills, it’s about some of my daddy’s kinfolk. Now my daddy is from south Georgia originally, afore he climbed uphill to catch my momma. He was from Coffee county Georgia to be precise.
Now my daddys kin were what my mommas people called ridge runners, they made and ran moonshine in those pine flats and swamps down there in south Georgia. My daddy had an uncle and an aunt, my great uncle Reason and his wife, My great aunt Agnes. Well my great uncle Reason, was the most soft spoken, polite and purely gentle as a lamb man I have ever met seen or heard of. This story is about how he got that aways.
Now I've been told that when uncle reason was a young man he was pure wild. My Granny used to say that folks thought Reason was a gonna bust hell wide open when he died, and that it’d be a couple years afore reason would sober up enuff to even know he was dead let alone where he was. I find that hard to believe, cause like I said, uncle Reason was the most pure polite and gentle as a lamb man I have ever seen. and uncle Reason absolutely adored aunt Agnes.
Now I don’t like tellin tales, but I coulda believed aunt agnes woulda busted hell wide open coz she was just plumb scary mean! One time she chased me down and switched me with a lemon tree switch, I tried climbin a tree to get aways from her, but she ran me down and climbed right up after me just a switchin away!! She was kinda old then too ya know!
Anyways, like I said, uncle Reason was supposed to be wild in his younger days. Drinkin Shine and a runnin shine in a souped up dodge, and I’m told he was plumb crazy mean when he was liquored up. I am sure glad I never see’d that! Coz uncle reason was at least 6′7" when he was an old man! Well the story goes, that one night aunt Agnes had had enuff and she told uncle Reason to settle down and sober up or to get his drunk self outta the house for good! Yessiree she threatened him with a deevorce!
Uncle Reason didn’t like that none at all, and bein drunk and crazy mean he hauled off and smacked her down. Then he went and passed out in the bed. Now aunt Agnes didn’t like that none at all, and she decided to even things up and reason with uncle Reason. Aunt Agnes was tiny lil thing, so she evened up the odds. She took her needle and thread and sewed the sheets together with uncle reason in between.
Then she went out to the shed and got herself a hickory hoe handle and proceeded to reason with uncle Reason. She beat him from head to toe with that hoe handle, and after she had got his attention by breakin durned near every bone in his body ceptin his fool neck and hard head. She explained to him just exactly how things were a gonna be.
Uncle Reason wasn’t ever gonna touch alcohol ever again and he was a gonna settle down and be respectable. And most especially he wasn’t ever gonna lay a hand on her again and start a treatin her right. Then aunt Agnes , she nursed him back to health. After all his broken bones all healed, uncle Reason was the most pure polite, soft spoken and tee-totaling man you ever have seen!
That there is the story, the whole truth and nothin but the tee-total truth. That's why I went and wrote this here country song. Every good country song is supposed to be about real life, the whole truth of life. I figure that makes this just about the perfect country song then, It’s got drinkin and fighting and done wrong and she got her man.
Reason had his reasons,
For the way that he lived,
For moonshine and whiskey,
Oh the things that he did,
Now Reason had a temper,
He would lose all control
Till Agnes sewed him in the sheets,
And beat him with a hoe,
Then Reason had a reason,
When she broke all of his bones,
Stopped him from drinkin,
And made her happy home,
Agnes gave Reason,
A reason to be sweet,
With a little time between the sheets,
And a little elbow grease,
Yes Reason has his reasons,
For the way that he lived,
Agnes has her hoe,
To make sure that he did!
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