The days we spent laying beside one another are but a memory now as I feel the emptiness of the space next to me. The endless chats of the past, present and future we had as we laughed and cried together are only a lingering resonance. My heart yearns for what was and not what is; my eyes hungrily devour your photos that are special to me. A precious life was taken far too early and I am lost in a dark world without your light to guide my way. Stumbling and falling to my knees, I call your name over and over just to hear your voice once more. The ache in my soul will never ease with the passage of time; that saying is just a lie. I feel your absence more and more each day but I try to carve my way through this life, hoping I can see you again in the next one. Just don’t leave me behind, I promise to not cry anymore. Another day, another survival; without you there is no living; there is no life in me. You were my life and now it’s gone and I’m a shell of who I was. I only look towards the day I can lay next to you; to follow you in the new journey that you started alone. I can’t be in this world much longer, I don’t know how to live life without you; I don’t remember how to smile or to laugh. What do I have to give to others if I don’t have you to encourage me to break through the pain?
This suffering is eternal; eating me from the inside out. There is no cure, no returning to the past. The regrets and the promises are my burdens to bear; the words I left unspoken are ringing like a bell within my head. Your scent is fading and my memories are blurring. Little by little I’m losing more of you and I wish I could take it all back with my hands. There was so much more I wanted to say to you, to do with you and now the opportunity is gone. I only hope that you wait for me and let me start over. Let me be your first again, let me carry you like you carried me. Let me be the one to show you what real love is. I want to be your miracle, your savior and support you through it all. The good, the bad and the happiness; we had it all. We placed our fears, hopes, and our dreams into each other… How am I supposed to continue on with them if I can’t share the success with you? I am only half of a person, living half of a life. The “what-if” plagues my mind every waking moment and the memories haunt my dreams; making me believe that you are still here next to me. The sensations of your arms wrapped around me, your feather light kisses grazing my face teasingly and being warmed by your love. I wake each morning missing you more than yesterday.
It’s hard to live without you, but I am doing it; are you proud of me? Are you smiling at me with that warm, loving smile you always sent my way? Would you kiss me with congratulations and praise my small step of success? Would you encourage me to keep it up and tell me to not give up? Are you happy I am trying in your memory? I still want to be next to you and the ache is still as piercing as it was in the beginning but I’m learning to live again. My true love will always be you but… I can sort of love someone else; right? Are you okay with me being with someone else? Am I making you unhappy or happy? Are you hoping that I wouldn’t be alone anymore? You are always on my mind even when you aren’t here anymore and I can’t help but wonder what it would have been like to have you by my side forever.