No Suicide

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I met my guru Sharavana Baba, and I took his advice to be a better human being! I also talk about my battle with my depression by being positive! The rule is: Spot what is pawsitive! Sharavana Baba is a guru I met, and there were some few minor miracles since meeting him. However, what changed my life is his wise words. He taught the importance to especially be a good daughter to my parents. For someone who hated life and battled many negative thoughts, I learned to fight by being pawsitive! I say postive pawsitive, because my dog was one of the positive factors in my life. I hope people learn how they can be positive by pinpointing how I try my best to be positive throughout the book while mentioning all my problems too. The book is titled "No Suicide," because this book shows how my life changes just by trying to be positive for the most part! I strongly believe even the pathways in your brain changes when you switch your mind to be positive! I talk about the different incidents in my life being a Tamil Canadian and how I learned to be content near the end. I found that I started making more friends and had more blessings to count near the end of the book too! Hopefully it will help you too! So, Take a look! As my guru said, I feel all religion is one, and I show how spirituality helps me. Let's battle depression and live life with peace of mind!

Other / Drama
4.3 23 reviews
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Chapter 1- I met my guru and my letter to him

Dear God—Sharavana Baba,

Today I want to thank you for all the beauties of the world. Thanks for the pink roses my uncles used to buy me as a child. Thank you for the everlasting love for pink roses. Thank you for my cute Yorkshire terrier dog, Royal. He is so cute. Whenever he looks at me, I feel like an angel is looking at me. I pet him, and I thank you for every ligament you have sent him. I feel every joint, every bone, every muscle, as I adore your creation. I am unemployed, so all my working friends are too busy for me. I was sad. I hated life at some points. I told myself “no, I will not lose.” I will work my dream job one day, but for now, I will work as a writer to God.

Oh yes, Royal. I flex his feet, thinking “flexor. God has given us a flexor. Why? That too is because he loves us.” His fur; I love it when mom washes his fur. The scent of his soap is citric sandalwood. Oh what a smell! My most favorite smell. I loved that sandalwood smell as soon as my mom used the “Rani” tamil soap on me as a child. Now, I smell it again with a hint of citrus in it, on my baby—my dog. I remember. Oh, I remember so well, being ecstatic smelling the bottle. Squeezing the bottle to sniff each puff of the smell. I can smell it on my dog, and I feel blissful. I am obsessed. I am obsessed with Yorkshire Terrier, toy breed dogs, and animals in general. Why? This obsession feels like a gift with a tinge of curse in it. Gift. Why is it a gift you ask? Well, I finished University and I was unemployed. I once again, like many times, had friends leaving me. People leave you when they feel you aren’t sky rocketing at times. Thankfully, You God and Dad have bought me Royal. My life turned around immediately. I didn’t care of those who left me. My toy breed was that loving, loyal, cute, handsome, soft, and just so soothing. If I can write this whole book about him I would.

I am overweight. I was overweight since I was a child. So many days I was bullied. So many days I felt isolated by my peers because of my weight. Like I said, I am still overweight. This time it is because of the medication I take. However, I am not sad anymore. You were the miracle Sharavana Baba that gave me another miracle, Royal. I have wanted to die before. Not today, though. Not today and not ever. Why? Because I have a furry cute angel and you, the miracle we all want. I still have a career dream. My dream does not have to come true now. I am twenty eight years old. As long as I get the job by the age thirty one, I am fine. Please God will you give it? I trust you will. Or, I will hire myself. Isn’t that splendid? Where there is a will there is a way with you. Isn’t that true God?

My dream keeps changing, but today, I am thinking of having a veterinary diagnostic clinic like how they have it in America…I can do genetic test on dogs to certify breeders’ dogs that they do not have the genetic disorder hip dysplasia.

Oh why God. Why disease? My dog is healthy with your blessings. However, he is only turning three. His full life span is till age fourteen. I want him to live long till he is fourteen. This toy breed dog has given me dog therapy and therefore, for my friends who are sad, I wish dogs live to their full life spans for themselves and us. So precious are Royal’s eyes, when they look up to me. So precious are his eyes, when he jumps up on the edge of the couch to grasp my attention. So precious are his eyes, when he jumps up to me to give me high five. So precious are his ears when he hops when he runs. So precious are his ears when they flop like a bunny rabbit’s as he plays with the kibbles thrown at him. So precious are his ears that listen to me and moves them in question. So precious is his innocence when he tilts his head not knowing what I tell him. So precious is his innocence when he welcomes us home after we leave him home for a long time. So precious is his innocence when he takes initiative to come on our lap or tilt his head on our laps. His loyalty is full of glory just like your loyalty my God Sharavana Baba. The person reading this does not have to feel the need to pray to you to get the help from this book. They can speak like this to the God of their choice.

I became so obsessed my lord. I was mesmerized with the colour of his fur. How did you make such pigmentation my lord? I became so obsessed that my scientific side wanted to cut a fur and analyze it under a microscope. A crazy scientist with an obsession for animals I am indeed. I was looking for all the research out there that was related to animals. Why? This is because your creation is that precious and beautiful.

I must be positive. Being positive does not mean forgetting there is bad. It is being the best you can be and give the burden of injustice to you my lord. Us humans are superheroes in movies, but the real superhero is God. So, we can fight injustice the best we can and leave the rest to God…that is you my lord Sharavana Baba.

Purpose. A friend of mine said she got depressed because she couldn’t pin point her purpose. I, staying home, was depressed because of unemployment. However, writing and Royal pin pointed my purpose. Me petting Royal, serves the purpose of animal love, self-care, and child care (yes he is my child). My writing serves the purpose of showing the need for animal therapy and the need for hope. I want to tell everyone not to think of committing suicide. If you have no job, utilize your talent. Mine is writing, or so I would like to believe; so, thank you God.

I wouldn’t be able to show my love in writing if you did not give me that great guru in Grade seven. I was in Special Education in Grade Seven. My guru or teacher was Ms. Kear. We were in a small class and she loved me the most because I was the quiet one. I would go often to her to ask questions about my work. She stayed after class and taught me how to write well. She taught me the importance of vocabulary in writing as well. This motivated me to stay home during the summer breaks and look up unknown words from books such as Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings. I did not get passed three chapters of Lord of the Rings though. No, I did not. However, I got through the first six books of Harry Potter. I did not touch the last book though. Why? Simply because I heard my favourite character, I think it was Fred (one of the twin), who died. I might just stifle up my distaste and still read the book one day. One day, not now.

There, my Royal heard someone coming to the door and started barking. To protect us. We can ignore him the whole day but he would still bark to guard us. Then as soon as he realize it is my dad he goes to welcomes him. I am so jealous. Sometimes I feel he loves my dad more. He just might know that dad works day and night for us, and thus gives him more love. Royal comes on my lap and then leaves. However, when it comes to my Dad, he silently lies his head on his knee for a long time. Without leaving, just lying his head there-- this he hasn’t done to me thus far. I must avert my topic, for it would be a hard book to write if it was only about my dog. However, I will write mostly about Royal, because that is how deep is my love for him.

Oh Sharavana Baba, let me list everything I love. I love, not dark Pink, but the other shades of pink in roses. I love the rich colour. I love the queen of flowers. How the petals are assorted is the queen of art, and you sculpted it for us God. You did it.

In life, I am also achieving. I am living. I have not ended anything. I love my life. I love it especially for my parents who take care of me, and for Royal who is my best buddy.

Am I loner God? Let me count my friends. Mom, Dad, You, and Royal. Four. I have four friends, and that’s more than enough for me. I am also in love. Does it make it five? He has only tapped in my phone and said some sweet nonsense of love here and there. Now it stopped though because it might have been reported. However, I heard him say his last words to me. “If only I can talk.” We don’t talk for some mysterious reason, but we are still in love. He will be my fifth mysterious friend. So, five friends. I am not a loner.

There are a people with their ‘gangs,’ but they have unfortunately lost sight of their parental love. You have said in your satsang everything is our parents. Father has given us our soul and mother has given us our nourishing body. Nourishing body. Hmm. Is this why she is known as the nourisher? I love her a lot too. I am bad. I am lazy. I barely help her, but I will. I will change. Just remind me to wash my dishes tonight. Thank you mom. Thank you for being my nourisher. Thank you God for keeping her alive for me. I hope my parents live long and healthy too. Thank you for Royal, my brother TN, and my lover, I wish the same for all of them too.

Thank you for sweets. Cupcakes, cakes, souffles, I love them all. However, I cannot eat them all the time because of my weight and health.

Remember those moments? The moments I motivated myself to walk in the house by having Royal follow me. Him following me, motivated me to walk thirty minutes every day. Then, sadly I stopped. However, with your blessings I will return to that habit. I know I will.

Oh no, I smell veggie dogs frying on the stove. They are healthy but I just ate, and I do not want to indulge in food too much for now. That would not be good for my health.

Air. Thank you for air. You created meditation so that we all stop and take note of the miraculous process of breathing. “Pay attention,” you say God. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. That simple process keeps us alive in this beautiful life. It fills our lungs. The alveoli in our lungs, give the oxygen to the small capillaries, that gets bigger to flow to other parts of our bodies. Then once again, the vessels get smaller into capillaries again, to nourish our cells. Oh have magnificent is the way you created me. Every miniscule part has a meaning: Every size matters; Every breath matters; Every entity matters. How did you create us like this. This is why I pursued the subject of biology. I went into biology because, in every part you created, there is a meaning, there is a reason, there is love. That’s why I love biology—I love the way you created us humans.

Beaches. Oh how the thought of being at a beach urges me to relieve a sigh. Remember I wrote a story. It had two fictional characters, who were like brothers and sisters. They were swim racing in the ocean. That’s one of the biggest storyline I loved about the book. I loved it because I learned that beaches actually release more of your happy hormones. Therefore, outlining how happy my characters would be at the beach, made me feel like I was there and happy.

I spoke more. I spoke about my mother’s love for a singing competition show. She is madly in love with a woman in her sixties who sings beautifully in the competition. So, I described the scene in her eyes. I learned to love it as much as my mother. First, I took in scene: The vessel like display in the background. In the middle of the vessel were flowing beautiful and colourful hearts. Then I took note of the judges: the judges respected the singing woman as well. They respected and applauded her more, because she was a treasure for being a singer at her age. She was a cleaner at many houses, and now she is winning the hearts of many, God.

I still remember God. I still remember how one of the judges (who was a singer) in the show said, “If you dedicate your life to what you want, the universe finds someway to give it to you.” Is that true Sharavana Baba? Oh the hope you instill in people is glorious. I hope that is true, because I am hoping to become a veterinary lab technician one day. If I want to I can become a bigger scientist, but I have such veterinary love. Even if it is working behind the scenes to help animals, I would happily do it. Not for the status as I was once obsessed with. However, if I get offered a job to do advanced research for animal health I will gladly do it. However, I do not know if that big opportunity will come. So, I will keep it simple. Working at a veterinary diagnostic laboratory is something I would be grateful of.

Oh how important it is to love nature around you. How important it is to want to live. However, I used to think, “Why would I want to live with bad people?” Because good people need to show them, that good will always prevail in the end. When one is scared or disgusted of life, they should know you are everywhere. God is everywhere. He is omniscient. Thankfully, he came in your form Sharavana Baba, and eased my fear. Now, I have no fear. However, I hope you will be in everybody’s life. Is that why, in your satsang, you asked to pray for World Peace instead of a golden necklace?

Thank you. Dad did not buy the airplane tickets as he promised. I wanted the tickets because I wanted to travel so badly. Staying home unemployed took a toll on me. However, thank you, because I did not get angry at him. He said he will buy it in time, and until then I will write and enrich my character. I will cope. I will always cope. I have Royal, why wouldn’t I cope. Dog therapy is so beautiful.

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