My dear florist the thing is what means you to come over so sentiment with such an aristocrat as me?
“Florist he called me florist and me a woman of some wit like my grandmother telling stories and stories because of my wits about me still.”
I feel her presence her evil demoniac hellish good humour the very essence of her never being able to change her cause always being right and not minding anything that stood in her way.
Now we stay outside and make the beds warm for the likes of the countess. The count has not been home and we know he knows the countess has to be warm when he not there to think of her needs. Why what the count does to the maids is nasty and what the countess does to me does not bear thinking about.
That bad when both the count and countess was the man.
“Oh my darling that is so true.”
“To make matters worse he involved with someone new?”
“Yes and he paid the price which he said are these damn books.”
The bear hugs she can’t be a woman. She is not a woman why she has destroyed the house of the self. Why she has more flour then me in her hair. Why me in the sewer with the dragged out wanton whores. She does for me too like the countess do.
Why the countess the adored the adrift has gone back to her husband. Her back with him the whores do not make me come as much as she had. I am gone and into this and that my allergic reactions come dancing all the time. I have lost my head like some cabbage.
Oh it is the real thing the Bastile I am inside the Bastile and the gelatine is coming what has happened? Whatever happened? I was ruining the bed then had the countess then the maids went on strike then here I am.
I must have been drugged on to the gamblers sandwich that is what it meant. I was high on addictions which means adrenaline and high on the high life so did not wake to the reality of the sanity of what had become of me. Adrenaline high and now no longer high where did the things get to when the ideal society is to match and mix there is nothing to do but the things which becomes meaningless to me. Where is life without the highs?
I wasted my way the height of this disease is the disasters of meaningless relationships when the game is over.
And into making behaviourist absurdist think nothing of being the mice with the Rottweiler but as Stalin discovered and Hitler pointed out the humans are not what they seem and to make the good society work is not all about the damned good feel good things.
It is more complex than all the things which we discovered about human nature for human natures are capable of making the devil and the angel in the same body. To hide one from the other is to make that society go asunder.
To mask it behind the good masks of desires which are meaningless meanings to hide the sex war which has hidden: the doctors while he does his doctorate and the GP is run without anyone at all. The feel good doctor not yet qualified.
I remember back with the little trouble with grand dad who tried to kill his wife and me too but he hid his smile he wanted to marry the young girl his wanton self his desire to such a high extent her breasts outside popping out and her bra the things which made him desirous of her wholesome selfish hidden body behind the sofa as she made love and he stood and stood it no more as desires made them lit the flames of the fallen angels the incest made into a normal route to the betterment of designs and the marriages which did not mean the end of happiness but the end of being good and wholesome. For the hidden food is what we must have not the dear husband who is just the sauce pan.
My hand being too small not strong enough then we had to make do with the orange juice without the eggs. This shocked grandmother so much because I having no eggs meant trouble because I am made of eggs.
So she got out of her coma? Well damn it so went away and came back found grandmother well and some sort of dizzy. Grandmother being dizzy meant she hurting if her mother hurting then it must have been me? Well went wild.
I hung on the ceiling with the timbers as my hold all. The beams making such a good hold onto. Well hung on in there kid? Well just discussing what to do with this behaviour you mean twelve beams saved my life? Well in order to bring the situation into some sort of order we had to get through to auntie her phone line not working at that moment.
So edged near the other side of the door so she did not remember that side bad and so she could refresh her memory of where everything was. So I wished they would talk clearer some sort of language like dog language which did not mean sense or anything. Some sort of animal talk or something nasty not nice but absurd as if in hell as if coming from the depth of abyss? Yes the talk of the insane. Why yes the only talk that made sense to auntie was that talk so they got into the discourse and the discourse went forever.
Why she disappointed that her work not recognised pat-pat on the head would not do the tricks so we had to play the game over and over until she made it good. Grand and mother better the child good child the grandmother better the child is food? Not food better than that? Why grand better the mother well? Well so it made sense of this and added to the taste of disease which swelled round the world and made it bitterness and disasters.
We had our cousins to stay with us and we had no difficulties at all when in the house the things went like clockwork. No more messiness no more damnations no more the deeds of hell no more the fights out no more disgusting fools no more the arguments.
No more the Hades and the hell no more this is worse nightmares no more I am older and nothing makes any sense. No more you nonsensical male Chauvinistic piss artist wasting your lives on mere nothings.
No more this is the worst of times and the harsher times are to follow. No more the deeds of this hell are here in this monotony of existence. No more to waste our time in making this house and not enjoyments.
No more to think I have been had a young woman like me. No more the child births and the agonies and the desires all wasted. No more the good for nothings. No more there is this endless toil. No more the things which made me are you. No more the disgusting thing. There looking in judgements at me her mother.
“These girls are so much than you ever will be. They are sharing the same bed and they do not even quarrel with each other such good girls too.”
“It is a single bed too?”
“Well a bit bigger than that I think.”
“They don’t have the money to buy anything else like a blanket or anything you know when you buy something like foldaway bed or something you pay for it.”
“She said she did not plan to stay.”
“Well she has been for some months and years?”
“Well now she is used the bed so she does not want to make any more expenditures.”
“Yes very thrifty with their money.”
“They have not made the room house proud at all not even cleaned the thing.”
“The maid did all the work.”
“The maid did it?”
“Of course she does.”
“They had no such designs they just went inside and then slept.”
“Yes they munch away all night the toilets blocked up.”
“Dad has said they can’t stay anymore because he can’t stand them.”
Some sort of evil is about is there not?
I remembered those children sleeping on the same double bed and the little child under five asleep the older sister sleep walking and talking to her just taking the other little girl. Just sleep walking taking and gibberish and this and that. I am the one who is dealing with all this and I was only twelve or eleven I felt the full responsibility of handling a little girl who was told it was madness to sleep walk and her screaming with fear when she was found out to be doing such a thing. Madness leads to madness is it that a fact?
Madness on the curriculum as a starter we have the asylum and then we move on to talking therapies with the harpies.
The older child still nine came up from sleep and tried to do the usual normal routine of bed things in the sleep walking stage. The big girl got up like the Psycho and tried to do the normal thing. Up she got and tried to do something to the other child who slept quietly too silent and her into the arms there laughing as she did not grab at her this time.
The older girl, when she found out me inside the bed she stopped and went back still asleep. The thing was so surprised; her movements as if old wife or something.
The little girl did not wet the bed that night so the sibling began to talk in her sleep. Her teeth began to chatter and she did not sleep in the same sort of sleep then another thing happened. It stopped; two nights. Then began again then said I was not the thing to have in the bed and she wanted me out.
The exams over the little girl went to school pleased and looking quite adorable. The little girl looked so cute and nice and I went looking after her. Then it did not make sense to me. People this is all nonsense it is nothing to do with reason it is pure conjecture what she is telling the world is that the world is run amok with people insane enough to sleep with their own kids? It is not here in this country in Cyprus? Happening in a respectable house in a reputable family inside this hidden hole of whatever is called?
Nonsense that is what it really is.
The little girl went sat her exams and did not say anything but that she had brains and did her tables as well. So very well indeed that she was amazing to behold that her brain the best in the school and she could become a scholar or someone good and great and a high official and be made into something even high into the government or something great dynastic a Roman empire and there the girl said she was going to be all the great things.
What manner of look was this? Why was the older girl not looking pleased but insane with jealousy? The things did not make sense they too young? Why it did not mean anything to me why their lives already mapped out?
“He is mad.”
“Yes a mad man with mental difficulties, a defective.”
“Even said his wife is not even his wife which she said she swears she is.”
“His wife even not his wife and she nothing but Abdul’s mistress?”
“I did not know she and Abdul had been seeing each other”
“We knew it before you did ha-ha.”
“But she stayed married?”
“Tax evasion if married the wife takes the large estates and can give it away to everyone and let us now sing them the good love song.”
“Oh they are the jolliest couple ever that lived.”
“It is not David Bowie is it?”
“Well never mind they are always been differences of opinions.”
“Yes she has the purse strings.”
“Yes she is more money wise. Saved her pennies she has.”
“Her motherly acts of death like courage affected them to such an extent did not go to Cyprus with due haste.”
“They are rather trying.”
“They dislike work, not worthy of them.”
“The father had to look after the little girl.”
“She to set more of an example or two because she has the best brains of the two I mean of the husband there are no possibilities that he has even read a book.”
“What about her?”
“How is everyone not upset yet?”
“Who is upset?”
“That is reading material I think about this and that.”
“What she read again?”
“Arabian Nights she read that.”
“You mean that proved she has more brains?”
“She read Sinbad from cover to cover.”
“Yes she definitely set the example she has the same store manager as the mother had she into even packing the food in the same way and but she listens more. But she into making the wedding of our little girl and she will take care of her very well?”
“Well we must take care of the little girls?”
“Pity they grow and mate.”
“Not with each other?”
“Oh no we need our husbands too.”
“But my father said he did not feel mother was his wife?”
“He got it wrong he mad was not he?”
“It was found out discovered after 40 years of health services he had been brain damaged.”
“Well at least they discovered what was wrong with him.”
“The doctor involved said families have problems and we do not know what they say or do and it is hoped for the best they mend their lives as well.”
“But we make these arrangements for the common good of all?”
“Yes but then we leave them to sort of sort it out amongst them?”
“Our teachers at the staff room or something do the lessons well we planned the education and now we in the staff room and we sort of get on with it?”
“Well that is not true?”
“Well they did get on with it. Monica had a friend from Brood moor she got into the school had a go at my neck. They made her into a teacher.”
“Well they had to make someone a teacher?”
“I know I have flair for education did not do homework after strangling me or pulling me up by the neck and leaving me flailing.”
“Well I must say that nothing doing there is anything the matter with a man having his life turned upside down.”