Someone has come to do the windows again when they leave the house it is shattered they come do the windows and then the house falls to pieces. The window’s they come and do then this smut comes in and seeps round the house.
Is such a disaster why the father said he had to buy the properties in order to enjoy the dances in private because he refused to go to a decent place like it or not entertainment very important even to them? What had made them so poor what has made me so mad? This anger is coming from me like vibes into the demoniac death like dance which has settled on to me.
Tell me what this means a mother must have an effigy and this is what I mean to give them an effigy of meaning. To make the woman’s point plain to make the meaningless mean something so that that absurd woman can become the ridiculous that my children can make the meanings inside these words. So that we can compete with Russian literatures we must suffer poverty and penury and come clean on dirty politics without any politeness. That mine own words can make them worse the words which my siblings work at might make me the more depth and meanings and then lead to discourse on the meaning of being at the bottom of the meanings?
The worst part of it was that it made me worse than ever before why that parents are such children themselves and their children do not realise do not know. That the children star in their parents world or so they think but what matters is illusionist would make me out to be someone I am not why should not a parent be the same then I went and said why everyone is not what they are they are who they are supposed to be with like some actors in a play we are working at our parts. The wives out the husband in the child in the teenager out then us shop it round?
Look everyone has a part to play. Of course Othello is me. I disdain to be here in this book. Everyone is such a prig they do not care to be seen with me.
Get the handkerchief out; the smell is noxious why it is obnoxious and quite appalling that is why we make the good Chanel 5? Won’t soap do my dear? The hot water is very trying the gas man have been trying for fifty years we still do not make hot water with our lot. No we had to boil it in Cyprus and we still have to boil it here. Why nothing ever changes ever never changes at all what makes for happiness is at least now we do get to shower because Psycho has made everyone aware of the possibilities of that.
Well it is a thought every time we get in the shower instead of smiling we might say I daresay psycho is not nearby. Well the thing is when daddy had the bath he still got seventeen stitches. So it does not make sense whatever mother was bathing him at the time. Well she not up to it? Well he did not stand still. He got seventeen stitches and she got rewarded for her labour.
He is the great unwashed sir he does not wash at all that is why he is called the great unwashed. He is common sir too common with it too. We are damned if we agree to such a thing to sign a warrant and make ourselves not pay the pittance. Why we can’t have that why we are doing things cheaply and we spend to get along.
She has joined the family and has to get away. Why she has a flat too. They are into making a mint of money out of us. Tax evasion tax fraud inheritance evasive questions and all that what is it for slave labour child labour illegal in this country? But we all do it. So is shutting someone in a mental hospital for the benefit of the criminal gang who robbed her in the first place. Look how what a lovely family we are the family good old things look how well we love each other and how well we behave. Why her father has the grandchild he is working his way towards retirements. Make her suffer she will do up her own house her part of the house she lives in makes her look stingy when poor mummy does not do up hers despite having to spend all her money on us. What poor mummy spends her money on them and they can rot in their food and all that because the poor mummy is encouraging the spitefulness the indignity when I had to cook all the years in order to make these perversions of nature some property. Now they deny me a morsel of free food no work no pay because we do not care to share anything with you at all. Oh the offensive is out the thing is when they get special food and they tell me about that food one of my vegetable pastries and the healthy eating would have gone down the drain of course being a diabetic but don’t tell it to me it is like telling a child why be so cruel? Her brother is safely insane shut inside the hostel and does not interfere with anyone as she has got his passport sorted. I’m I about to fare the same fate as him? Why me when I am the victim here?
She must have been working in passport control? No she threw it overboard. So her brother could not swim ashore. He stood to gain the hostel and into hostilities, those not making it any better them into oddness as the rights of things why she is not enjoying the nuptials as much as he said he did?
Why we are being in the bin and there is nothing else to make do when the mother in law does not mind when someone calls their daughter in law a whore well they do not mind what it matters they not into familiar good feelings well at least the property is in the right side of the town.
When love dies it dies and when love dies it dines alone.
Why it is the best thing to be there the good neighbourhood watch the new middle classes the new aristocrats. They are so bewitching such good table manners. Why we are so clever to be near the future the future is here. Why waste our times on the disease we are here to stay why we the new rich.
My years had been a waste of time with these creatures of such magnitude and evil intentions that we declare war every time they are near me.
Her sister is still thinking where did the doctor get too? And the darling girl says you can seek the surgeons out and they will cure you. As England is settled to deeds and actions which spell disaster for me that broods no good at all. That another terrible indent has happened to me while not crossed out yet out of this existence-
Luckily the dear sister had been on the housing list only had to sleep round sofas and floors to get re-housed as we had to have our house to ourselves. Father said he did not mean to see the nieces anymore had taken exception to having them indoors and wanted them out.
The toilet still not allowed it has to be drained.
This girl from Oxford said she went to Oxford and ended up as a lavatory assistant no other job open for her. Why? I like the job she insisted it is peaceful and I have plenty to read.
“Does it make me feel anymore that this Britain is a land of opportunity?”
“Do not knock it.” someone said.
My family have gone my family is no more I am wandering along in the wander land of this land London. I am no more in the rain and tell me where do I go where do I get to where I am now in this land where did my children go when they got where they got from? When did my womb become this file vile thing when did my womb become like worms when did my children get to where did when did they leave me?
Look I am leaving going nowhere look tomorrow you will find me somewhere. Me leaving away getting away from this filth this sin this filthy sin this bedrock of damned the damnations of the sins which do not speak wisely to anybody but speak wise to them. The children my children they gibber they speak in gibberish they speak not the words of them I know they speak nothing but sin. Their words is their words their mouths come speaking from some hell where did my children go when they got there when they made lives so hell when they looked so healthy to begin with? Brother let me in brother let me in brother don’t leave me to die brother leave not me inside this shit brother save me my mad brother has all the sense brother my brother look I am outside making you see you were right and I in the wrong I did you wrong I admit it brother I admit I made it wrong for you brother I am outside taking outside as my thing brother I made a misdeed I made the vile good thing.
Brother thrown me out as well come along self the self must get away the self must get gone the self has left this shell. The self is no more the self has disappointed the self is now more the husband that I pined for; wet tears over what was he?
Oh hell when did I become this thing? Husband that made this wet cheeks blush not the thing husband has disappointments in stone and to leave a letter written is all he knows. The husband has gone and not making a living. The man has disappeared and now the women have left their beds and mated with the children too? Husband’s we feared. Husbands made us the wives now they mate with their own children. Husbands disappointed and the doctors are making the wounds heal. They have become the doctrines of the new shagged out society. The doctrine is that if nobody knows than what is the harm? When nobody knows where is the wrong what nobody knows can’t hurt you at all it is as if the male is there the woman is there too but that society has come out not clean anymore that burying these matters have made them evil ingested to such a extent that they now rot the state itself. That the very mannerly misconducts of the society so into inbreeding that it does not stop with cousins but must do so into their own sockets as well.
Look I can’t stay here look I can’t stay around looking on when the children have left the home. The living home the living ground. When was I a ma but now no more but the Nan; when I am no more than an old odd woman called old wives tales? Some do not have children in order not to age at all.
Look away the shame of it all the shame of this hag this society which supports this? Look I am shitted on spat on the away thing the girl the daughter the darling? I am no more I have died. I have died today tomorrow will never come I have died today and this is the shame this is the thing that has brought us shame.
It is all about this feeding the constancy of it all is about to feed the animals on the path of it all then she coughs and splutters it is all about to happen to bring her happiness is what we care to do her saying that my using the gas and the electricity has made me a spender of her precious kids income has angered me to such an extent that I am half mad with the rage. I am altogether very engaging normally would not harm a fly but the thing was she did anger me it is annoying to be constantly used and ill used at that trashed and all my little children told I am bad. So I have become absurdly insane with the jealousy and the rage which the engaging Z has settled on us. Tell me why you need money when mummy spends it like water on us all? Because mummy needs a servant I am in a beastly hole right now because you toffees did not tell her it was summer time and she missed her appointment and you toffees you do so well out of this are not good to her as you might think.
“It is a not true auntie it can’t be true?”
“I am not here now leave me to get into the rains.”
Look why switch the central heating off and give me the night caps and then me missed the appointment? Loathe telling you but who cares?
“But not him nobody cares about this empty shell which gives away food and all that money?”
“It is not our fault mummy we did not think it is her duty to say this and the other we are here merely to feed.”
“Feed the world.”
“Leave me get on with your life the thing is over.”
“I am not thinking right look we want you back we can talk now come in from the rains.”
“Is it raining then?”
“Auntie gets inside.”
“Look I fear I am a bit cold.”
“Come auntie it is odd we are getting wet through and through.”
“I can’t stand this I can’t stand this I stood for everything but this I can’t stand this thing I am unclean.”
“Look auntie it is not what you are thinking.”
“I can’t stand this thing inside me.”
“Come we will talk tomorrow.”
“Yes we can talk this over?”
Look away society marriages in hell look away society it won’t mean a thing it won’t interfere with the deeds of the man what it means is deeds of the house. The shame of the house is you having a man friend. And neglecting your poor mother who had brought you up well and good and now you show no gratitude at all and you living in this house rent free. We made our beds and signed over the deeds.
We signed our soul to the devil the master has been contracted the contract is signed we give you all to this woman. Why the beautiful bride. The brides of heaven! Why she is so expensive hags no longer look like hags. Their looks like dolls as they manicure their fangs and give it a gloss lip gloss with the flossed teeth and the bewitching smell to think that hags smelt so nice before?
“It is channel 5 aunties you know it cost £5 a bottle and comes from Paris.”
“What matters is sense of proportion.”
“Look shut your smile I am having a tragic circumstances.”
“Well I am trying to serve tea to this customer.”
“I would not have allowed him in my yard.”
“Well beggars can’t be choosers.”
“Why do you have a man friend when I am the most important mother in the world?”
“Now auntie stop sneezing it has got into the tea.”
“Well it might taste better,”
“Well not it won’t you know it might get us out of here.”
“The very thing to an interesting day is when we believe and behave as nuts.”
“No way auntie”
Why she crosses her legs we give it away if only we did not have it deed away.
We deed our souls away and mean making meaningless meanings nothing to do with us the married is it? Nothing to do with anyone of us is it? The things we nod our heads over the headaches we avoid the hellish nightmares our girls become and the things they do to hide their shame hides like rhinoceros and crocodiles handbags to add to their meaningless lives.
“Our meaningless lives are the very essence of us.”