I bought the seashells? Well why did you pay them money? Yes? Stupid he is stupid he could have married the bloody thing? He is not interested? Why not with a fish like you what is he into? He does not figure in that way. Look abandon ship look we have a fool I will give you an example what not to do when if ever you hurry or tarry.
Fatma come over here?”
“Do you want your tea done?”
“NO just pour it out.”
“Oh it is in there.”
“Now we understood?”
The household was not nice the things were not good the wives were outside making manicures work the wife inside did not last the night. Them things matter to us and should to you. We are old and odd and we are diseases of society but we mean ourselves to make merry and marry beget more of us and to take what we can out of society and our shame we mean to be same we mean nothing but the liking we like and that is what to do with our penis and vaginas and then make most of who did what to who and write the morality plays the moral of the stores and to make the big bucks and take it round the bend and know the beds to burn our souls and make it the bitterness and the good things called the past the present and never the fortunes,
A man is the kind of thing who is the king where he lives and if he does get what he has to get then he is a fool. When the wives tell the men what to think the wives must become the man. There is nothing to say against this and the things in bed are mutes.
Dummies are the things we get for 78 pound at the discounted store and when the mail brings it twice as much. I see everyone is working today tomorrow I will bring love in and then hate the disaster. HIV we will bring it round all the doctors is at their seminars studying us and we are the doctrines of disease.
“Grandma there is someone at the door.”
“Grand ma there is someone at the door. There is knocking shop trying to get through the barrier. The zone the barrier the zone the little dots granny he is coming to get me too?”
“Look grandma I am sad because you are dying is this death is what it means to have nothing anyone. Why is he at the door and can’t come in?”
“So what is the power source who has taken the power source?”
“Why is he saying that?”
“Where did she put the power?”
“I am ashamed to think nobody is here yet the power inside me is strength.”
“Grandma where did you place me”
“What has happened to me when did the eggs come from”
“What makes me what has happened where did he come in with that look that is that thing?”
“I am your father?”
“Daddy no not my daddy that is Satan”
“Look you will say sorry for it?”
“You hurt your daddy you go to eternity of hell fires.”
“I will not hurt the good in daddy.”
“Is there good inside this man?”
“Daddy must be good otherwise can hurt daddy.”
“Daddy has not enough good so go away,”
“Look daddy can make you less strong but give you food?”
“No I already had eggs.”
“Who gives her food without my permission?”
“Daddy has taken his tail and is raging inside the tail daddy is now gone away fish and out and out and fished out by the devil. He has the evil inside and he into masking his devilry and the devil wears him out.”
“I will be your good daddy if you say the word.”
“I am not what daddy?”
“Look I am fading child I am getting gone away.”
“How smelly that is?”
“I do not smell.”
“You do smell. Indeed you smelt of butter the other day.”
“Breastfeeding I am breastfeeding.“!
“You don’t have breasts daddy.”
“Look Princess I will obey?”
“I am too small for that word.”
“When you grow big I will call you Princess?”
“The word is darkness.”
“A drop in the ocean my dear.”
“Daddy will mean something some day.”
“Will I my dear?”
“Yes daddy means to me disappointments to others it will bring the great scrounge.”
“I will be big?”
“Biggest curse in the whole world”
“That is your last world?”
“I am lost for this world.”
“Then we begin the fight over the good?”
“The good is always worth fighting over daddy.”
“How old are you?”
There is this huge bet taking place the bet is that useful there is nothing the matter with it is there this huge stakes and all that.
As old as the hills there is nothing the matter with this bet that they hold most dear and cleverly they manipulate and damage the good and make everyone into bad.
“As old as the world daddy”
“When did you get so bad?”
“How odd you are my dear?”
“As odd as this conversation daddy”
“How can this marry mate beget when I will take what she breathes.”
“Satanism will grow and beget then I will it smoother to death.”
“I will bring the pillow my dear. No one will do that to the cause which I believe in.”
“You will not even get through the door.”
“Beliefs daddy is change and to believe in that is the cause which you can believe in?”
“I shan’t change I will never change what I am because of this foolish ghoul like goal which is the good.” sad daddy said.
“I will say something daddy you are the curse and the smelling ground. The ground will ground to hell when you walk nearby. The heavens will become the torments of devils coming to Hyde the hides in this ghoul will bring out the worse in people who follow you. It will beget the cursed to walk with you along the way.
I prefer sunny weather without too much of ghouls.
To sunny tempered happiness and forgetfulness. The lotus eaters are coming. The lotus eaters are dragging their steps towards you. To bring you fires as they will it away. The lotus eaters will bring the enjoyments and then destroy you.”
Back when I was a teenager. In the good old seventies that had been. No it is me a younger version of myself.
Whatever for the coach left us outside this manager’s door and we were let inside the table was our very own? I recognised it immediately. The things like the TV was ours too or very like ours mum and I had an argument about this. She said it was not. I said probably was then father found out he had sold our mini a car.
“We had to pay the rental on the cafe the least we did we had to make the profit I left work to do this.”
“Dad does not.”
“Do not interfere with this what did you do you said you would work the thing?”
“We did a lot of shopping we got stock in there.”
“Take the stock and leave.”
“Pay us for the work we did.”
“The car is worth more than ever you paid for it?”
“That car was a write off?”
“Why you got it outside for? Why it looks the same?”
“What that is not the same car?”
“Well I do want to look at it?”
They both went out and then we had another look. The things in this room are not very familiar mummy?
“I am having another look.”
He has become a knocking shop.
“Look we can make a case against them?”
“Look you can go and stay in the flat and then we can talk about other things.”
“The tenants are away.”
“Oh you rented the rooms then?”
“We all went to the same room and indeed slept. Then we had to go down and the cafe was open the wife was cooking very nice chips and then the customers were all laughing with such glee then we went to the solicitors and then we changed the locks and then we went to the tribunal got the tenants out and about then it was sorted.
The ginger cat was different they even changed our cat it was not our own cat what did it matter the cat we had been thrown out and this ginger cat came walking in and looking very mousy like.
“He catches more mice.”
“I hate them.”
“Look I am going to train you into being a servant girl.”
“Indeed I do like to do that.”
We worked till night and then mother went mad she said I had not done a thing had not made them anything but happiness and content? Dad asked what he should do and mum said be a man and dad took the butchers knife and went after them. Well is that being a man? I do not know mum is that what men do? Look it is not being a man taking the butchers knife and running after them why what if he catches him? Well his wife is gone farther away yes where did she go to? Does she run faster than he does? Well-well if the son and heir would have come I would have quite liked it we went to primary school together and he into pimping me why I would have done him such a good lunch. He said he did desire to make easy money why he still after that sort of thing?
I am being discreet nobody knows who I am talking about and what does it concern anyone when I am boiling with rage and my traumas are here to expand and eat me up. There is nothing that matters to me but to say what I mean when for years this pussy footing psychiatry was all that did me wrong and robbed me of life and health for nothing more but this satisfy his wife’s curious nature.
“But I thought you wanted to meet him?”
“Yes to discuss how he has got on?”
“With what is this new method of taking my life from me robbing me of friends and real contacts?”
“Without money these doctors do not practise you are left friendless.”
The pimp is at the door dear Abdul how many times did you come and go and take and when we said no you took us for the rides which spark us into obvious contentious disasters. There is all this dismay in us all we did nothing which mattered to us at all because you were the only thing which made sense to mother.
“With his pimping work of course”
“Oh my God what have I done?”
“Well that is weird.”
The man was still shouting through the lawyers that: which he said he paid the last instalments on.