You see he is not a fool he knows perfectly well this is England and he still persists in coming and sitting down and sharing his odd views with us. There is a terrible gap in his knowledge of what it is to be a proper woman a girl a daughter a family person. He thinks he can bully and stain me and my friend he is almost as used to this as I am.
We did not make any money out of this deal so we are not honouring the whole thing rests on the means and the money and how much he can earn from me. He is a despicable male pig.
You see marriage is about settling the whole estate or something and settling the money and then one can fornicate not before. Well accordingly they can rot in hell. And so can I they seem to be saying to me all the time so I can too? Well the only person who can rot in hell is mother as she knows where the title deeds are and most of them in her name and she married and widowed so does not understand the deeds nothing to do with me at all.
“Where did love come in?”
“Do not speak nonsense.”
The settlements not been worked through the wife with someone else what not her very faithful she is you know to the codes of conduct becoming a wife. What the hell not her man in the photo is a friend of the family. Indeed he looks very friendly with her and she has her arms in disguise as she is wearing her wedding ring to protect it from harm. The thing is very masculine that is what it is because they are very friendly with the wife one is feminine or something with friends one is brutal. You see they will shortly go boxing and exercising to get over being over friendly.
The unpleasantness of it all seems not to occur to my friend Tom.
The good feelings did not matter anymore they disagreed on things like money money-money. What no need to pay that we need the money. The feeling is most obnoxious to pay for that? Whatever next we need the money. Money is money. We have chartered a plane that has paid for it? What is the meaning of this expenditure get rid of the manager he has become crooked. We are not made of money you know we have to look after our own money.
When is pay day?
We have nothing to do with this the money is the most important thing in our living rooms. We do not make less than anyone else we are so into money we must lock ourselves indoors. The wives gone off with the bank clerk whatever next she not good enough for the likes of us. Not evil enough not even into forgeries why she is too nice and spends too little on drugs and things. Her hat is old hat she wore it before. She did not give me anything at all? The boy well he is just a boy. A foolish thing to be in this state of my mind come my honey let us shop around and make the milk and the feasts and let enjoy.
I mean I think it is very nasty but they too drugged to notice. I mean that kind of spiritual development can be very odd. I mean no wonder he got shot. Well I thought of putting him into the basement but him already there. One of the kinds in partying because they say and swear it is their love and all that but there is also work and seeking to find meanings of meaning. I liked his songs and did not want to hurt his feelings but he not into such enjoyments as poor kids he only liked to molest kids who were rich.
That was okay then? I mean it must have been when the Monte Carlo was raped them poor rich kids who went to watch and were mislaid. In the smoke and all that they were hurt as well? Yeah the father had just snipped round and when he came to the children were indeed not so.
“Jane Jane my dear Jane I married you.”
He still wants me to fork out the wedding gifts. They smugly say things together how many gifts did they get and what to do with the left overs and there were so many too many. My room barren and sad there is nothing in there and that is a fact. The kitchen which is falling and the bedroom a cupboard I am not in a nice way. I had run away so had been put into this substandard place. I had disgraced disagreed with them so had no right for the things which they had.
“You whore.” had said mother and she never forgave nor forgot. Changing her mind meant never.
I had nothing now nothing there was not even mother and nobody said a good word to me because I had somehow lost my standing. I got lost somehow lost in sorrow and there was my hair going whiter and whiter as if the years had snowed on it.