Z had this problem too she wanted sex with the boys and then she took the rest of the shops with her. B had the jobs to do and then the boy friend they had who wanted the cafe worked for nought.
Lesbian menaces as sister stood guard against them lot. Black man at the door as I was having a bath, I saw this huge six foot four man standing to attention waiting for the bath to run and me run the bath and he moved felt the movement got outside and he near the door he lifted one foot I said it is all yours the bath I mean. You see I was not supposed to be in that house in that room because Barbara a council tenant with a child and she rented the room to me her child’s room to me. In order to make money she said for her drugs.
Another thing the Barbara saying softly I was anybody’s. Myself I did not stay long in the bath came out to find him standing there. The things girls get up to make her work feel worthless illness came became ill with their tricks. These are the things which go on in bedsits and leave it alone will not make it go away.
You see when they were little girls they had the same kind of menacing as they stood around the bath area making little shaking jokes about the menacing things they did. Because being gay meant they had a sort of masculine menaces. I could not explain would come out they stood there or sat there making nothing no noise nothing. Why who had been near? It is only us.
Then they all went to University and got universally wed and then they had to work out how to get rid of me and the evidence? Well dad went a bit mild.
Such bad deeds such bad girls such badness this is bad. They not girls they are bad they are bad can’t still make it out how they got so bad. Get away from me get away the wives they have made the madness. They have caused the sufferings they made the things gone wrong the wronged now not in the Cyprus but here this is gone bad.
The things which upset one unsettle one because they made it happen that my life became slavery because B fell for this Queen she loved she loved this queen because she had to love that way. Her meaning in that way is now clear. The queen said nothing to do but she agreed must love everyone in the family that is polygamy but that is not my way of life.
The new slaves are people who can’t mend their own fences but what is the meaning of this is whatever turns me on that is what must be had? Why is it that way? That whatever must be had must be had eaten to the last morsel? Whatever next what good is Garland now what good was she in the beginning when she looked human? What is the good of Garland now she made the films and the bosses happy she ate nothing but did she look happy pills to wake up pills to sleep and pills not to make me feel hungry pills to stay awake pills to remember to take the pills to make them all happy lies and pills not to throw up and pills to stay married.
Then off to the burger to lunch.
It is no fun being poor it is nothing to do with me being poor of course in the end look what we do in order to avoid poverty. How we run and run in order to prevent the damn beast from the East the cold the growing cold the growling ravages of this cold.
“I am cold and wet and tired out?” Someone asked me to explain myself.”What should I do to expand this explanation it is obvious nobody wants to know what it is to be poor. Look most of Europe are saying they want to support Britain but nobody has said anything about supporting America and America has had the fires and all that but nobody seems that bothered it is all about me the Britain who has been done in hardly a day goes by without them crying wolf and making giant scenes of rage when all they have done is botched the budget up and are going bankrupt because the NHS is not working it is a big huge talking failure. This is a country which does not have a system of work ethic to go to work means to talk. Everyone sitting nicely and chatting that is work and doing real work silently that is not work.
Everyone now start talking.
“My sister must be the most over worked woman ever she talks all the time.”
“To put a stop watch over how many times I wrote that word?”
“To count words means what?”
“It is inevitable that we all wear out our welcome.”
Z had done her thesis on the subject of prostitutes. She did it without much research her degree took off because of those theses. The abused women who had been the call girls now with comfortable existence and what material gains they have they must substitute for fellow feeling their feeling is all for their own pimp who holds their life in his hands and that mattered to my sister who thought in her youth these women were victims and all that but she so young and innocent about them? Well she asked the wrong questions because they neither innocent nor naive they monsters out for the blood. Every one of them out to make money out of the flesh and that flesh mine my body my limbs my soul. I curse the day that they came to me and said the words.
You have something against making money sugar?”
“We are open for business and you saying you do not like money?”
“It is dishonest business selling the flesh as ware.”
“The better to make more money in an hour than you do in a year or ten years for that matter.”
“Open for business that is what we do.”
Barbara must be Z’s friend as she into prostitutes and pimps as the wise. Z knew them all what and now she is into religion but they are mixed are not they when a whore comes through she then because Magdalene. Z’s husband just glowers at everyone and has quantities of malice in his attitude there is not even a shred of feeling for the whole lot of us.
Just glowers and says something nasty he seems to hate us forever hating us and trying to lay traps so we might become poor and depend on it we might have done if we did not keep on our toes.
He married her did he not?
Him marrying my sister has given him an offence and he has since become this man of lacking in thought or concerns for the principality of his family himself included as if he on a bender and as if he in hate. Look honey there is too much like him? Well the failings of a man and a woman are that they are hiding something and it is not nice or usual is it?
“Usual then?” asked the barmaid.
“Half a pint is best.”
But then someone called Yuri said when a whore has a daughter she has no other thought then to make that daughter a whore too. It is not any other thing she does not desire purity she has no need of it. For when a whore has a daughter that daughter too has no option but to follow her footstep? Well then Jesus did not come to earth and make it new and clean did he? We must all slaughter ourselves because the ancestors did that? Is that why there is no human being in the Arabs world?
They follow the same patterns from century to century without care or let up and that is what they mean that the one thought had been thought so they do not need to think anymore thoughts.
When the maid was destroyed because my dad was put into prison because he now a thief and everyone knows that a thief who stole from his own mother was doing time in jail and if she did say something he would be released but she would rather put her own son to prison than have him married to the maid.
He put inside to hide what? The scars that do not heal when a woman betrays her own son and the family he now owned that Ati said no to that because the maid a serving girl and she his own mother said take the necklace and place it on her throat and when he did design to sell it the police after him. Look there is nothing Biblical in this? It is a nasty tale of sorrow to be saying this but the woman was indeed mad. Evil the devil incarnate and to make matters worse she drove us mad too. She denied herself no treats and makes believe little tokens and did nothing else but to feed her own self. She a mother a woman who worked all her life to make others happy of course she deserved treats.
“We are all slaves to this?”
“We mean well.”
“What do we mean well is to mean less well?”
“I need something to think about.”
“There it is.”
“Love is our destiny.”
“Nothing about this is sensible that destiny is what we make it otherwise no free will?”
“No we are all shackled and bond.”
“Slaves with gladiators moving along creeping along making the right moves to the right cubicle numbered and numbed properly and indeed to say no difficulties getting round not enough ill health or handicap look what are you doing here been here before look there is no money for you come back when you have some real illness not just depression schizophrenia and something called anxiety and then OCD they are not real illnesses”
“Oh how are your hands?”
“Is there something wrong with my hands maybe money?”
“Going endlessly into hospitals and then to the pub to drink our last rounds.”
“How does he know it is my last round?”
So we may endear ourselves into another channel of energy? Oh yes that is right we are the Satanist who come and go and take whatever. Then we go leaving a seed behind so then it grows into our own images. We are the improvement; we make the improving lives and mend the lives we have in our storages.