Our stores are open and we give the lives the makeover and the face lifts and then we leave the victims bitterness scars and indeed good will and ill opinions and are so surprised they dislike us? Why what did we do wrong?
What is wrong with you what did we do that is not right with us we are living with our uncles and they are shacking with us and we think they are human being strangers why we are loving ourselves and we enjoy trees adding natures to our concerns and you think of nothing but being beastly to us?
Well that is the theory is it not right? My God the seeds not going to grow without attention will it someone must look after the damn thing should it not? So if nobody wants the seed then it won’t grow will it? No I hope not.
The locked doors won’t stop it the locked hearts will seep through it the good and the devil and the bad has to fight-out. To work out across generations and across the centuries because that is what we are part devils part angels and we can’t get rid of ourselves anymore than anyone else could.
Geography so important my dears to think you without a job and to give you a job such gratitude indeed to think we made the murders in Cyprus come here and indeed to think all them hospitals run by people who knew mum. What a new born babe like me born in German hospital where mum had to give her ring in order to stay alive? The mid wife said what do you have to stop the blood from running in the bath and mum said felt the ring her hand she gave the ring and the nurse took the ring and the blood after two hours was stopped.
I am unhappy to say this but I think that legends are important to daily life we lead. It is good to know the stories of the great man and woman as well as their thinking. This is a frame to hang round my own story behind. There is not much else we did not come from nowhere we came from somewhere so the stories even if nebulous must matter mean something to the little person who is washing the dishes.
What made me is this gave me happiness that ring made me glad shown me the way out of this whirling poverty now me a rich woman with means.
I am going to give it a try I am going to the Rivera. To bless the things most dear I am transported with it. I am indeed making the painters fine and me into going it along with them had such a lovely transports of delights. The swimsuits such a thing why the female form such a new delight what an ideal world it is. Such a holiday I had why my Indian is here whatever for yes dear I forgive you. My darling we will call you now a dog.
Sisters came every week to seek us out see what made our lives well and happiness their contentious selves the things we cared to see their lives the happiest the blessed things they into such ordeals of good wives and making themselves the snobs which they breathed with. Their sibilance and distaste at us who worked all hours they had their own familiar affairs they had to get away from the poor us. Sickness what we are in such good health we do not care to be associated with sickness what we are away we do not want to come to dinner we have something else to do first.
The sister was worn out as she made them the fans she called out but they hard of hearing their lives well spent their times going well they into such good things they made their way in life. Their lives their goodness and enjoyable deeds and working in the grindstone not smiling at anything that does not give profit margins. They are into such good fucking good things making the earnings to make the world into this healthy tax haven. Why does not she look like me when I was a child?
I looked that worn out did you see my photo when I was a child I looked like that I looked just as worn out. I don’t know where the photo came from that self worn out self stood me there I stood there where she is now. Where else can I stand? I myself childhood forsaken that child now inside her and I am now the adults laughing at the child.
Her that child within has died. Look the white hair the diseased brain the fangs out and about unable to feel anything but to do what I want her to do. Now I laughing inside this hell shell this hidden self. This is what it used to be me now my sister has taken the shell which had been me. Now I am all them wives coming over to see if the child is okay?
Has the food been made has the house been cleaned has mother been waited on dad had his medicine has the shop been and swept has the curtains in the house been washed. There are no Christmas decorations but then what a waste that would be no children staying over here are they? The derelict house is it comes over to make over?
Has the decorators come have the children been and got their food?
“No sexual activities but they did not mind that why it made their lives funny.”
“Such a lot of humour why because at least they did not murder I but they tried because I was trying to be trying because I was ever so good?”
“Well they had me drugged too much so I did every work did not feel anything not even a pin.”
“Why they can now inherit too why that means the meaning of working and no paying is no longer the thing why me into this headache. You see the means the deeds the dudes this is what sisterhood means? Why of course they can now work it work it and then work it again.”
“Marriages are made like this?”
“To my mother a marriage to my mother is she mad?”
“What else I had to do the wheelchairs and then we went out and about then we went to this house then another ten to one we ended in some hotel with the same chambermaid.
The staff similar we cared not to say. Then we went to the Dead Sea where we got the honeymoon suit. Why the good courtesans cross the thing. Father is dead and now you off on this honeymoon with the mum? What an indecent thing to do make love with the mum?
Mother must have been lying when she said that men are stronger than women.
“A woman is weaker than a man. When she gives birth her whole inside just makes the weakness comes.”
“I am already weaker with having given birth” Said she.
“I already gave birth to three delightful girls who look like each other.”
“Very delighted to be with you I am sure.” I said.
What the shack the sex acts between this poor old mother and this young filly? Why we are indeed shocked by this shocking spectacle. To think what a dear old mother to be made into this deer to think the daughter is insane and wants her and wants to mate with her.
“Look darlings the jokes gone too long.”
“We are not being amusing ourselves are not we?”
“Look fucks the hell out of here.”
“Not a cross word do we want to hear.”
“Well get an hearing aid.”
“Not a cross word for all them years and now she has nothing but bad to say about us all.”
The sister’s arrangement has gone wrong when I rearrange them into some sort of citizens then maybe they will go away? No they now have taken board and lodging with their dear mum and won’t leave the house alone their mum and me in the endearing remarks their money will run out. They are in there guarding it with their time like laying an egg and hatching it. Well prisoners can do that too can’t they?
No the cars outside them waiting to get away and away they must have committed some criminal act? Well that goes without saying does not it?
Why it made me matter so much more did nothing but drink the lemonade adding to this the ice creams too what matters is they had a laugh out of it? What made me think it similar when I worked in that shitty house for five weeks and had this too? That was when I was a child that was when I had been a child now grown woman whatever next what do they mean by this?
“One must not use languages like that.”
“It is a bad language.”
“When did language get bad?”
While it is universally acknowledged that a wife must be a virgin but then there is but then? Well you see the thing is when men want it they have to get it and grand dad had wanted it that day. I crawled towards the veranda and knew the spirits would help me. That the spirits would not let me down that grandmother was not there but spirits were. Do not protect me the uncle and mother that I had only myself against the thing that he became to help me. The baby had to come otherwise I would not become enraged. She came as I called and then the male grandfather came and he tried to.
“Entertain me.” He laughed.
“Entertain me how grand dad?”
He tried to unzip his flies and it got stuck.
What happens then? Well my shadow took over. The thing is have you seen Incredible Hulk? Well that is me. I did not know that I was that. You know it is strange it is so incredibly strange thing that I am incredible Hulk? Yes well sort of.
It happened twice to me when in the toilet and as the boy tried to rape me to earn money from my body because he had to be the clever pimp and that meant tasting the wares. That is what his dad told him that is what his mates said to him too. This they did as a group his mates who cleverly were on the lookout outside waiting for the whole thing to finish. That time the toilet sort of broke water from the pipes cascaded and the sink had this spillage. The boy on the floor trying to mend his defences slipped and he fractured his wrist.
That it happened twice and took care of an innocent child well there is nothing that sort of thing can be explained with. The troublesome thing is there is no cure for bigotry there is nothing to fear from it but that the same things will happen nothing changes from one generation to the next and that is when a woman of easy reputation can expect for her children so mother should never had had me you see. To it bigotry is the harsh form of disaster which and does happen to society a maid is always a maid for eternity a maid is always a maid because that is what we all expect. That is when an untouchable is like in India that is what we are saying that there is no change that there is no second chance so some to the grindstone and some to the maid.