DIARY of a 99%-er: The Struggle Between Survival and Creative Expression

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August 4

Your fortune is not something to find but to unfold.– Eric Butterworth

Joy, oh joy – the rent is late for the first time in my life, and we get slapped with an eviction notice telling us we have 3 days to pay the rent or start packing. Simon and I try not to descend into pure fear. We try to keep our vibration as high as possible and just stay in the knowing that the rent money will manifest, somehow. We put all our attention on receiving as much money from as many different sources as possible, and lo and behold, we are able to cobble together money from five different sources to eke out enough for the rent and the $75 late fee, all in the form of a required money order. And, we vow – this will NEVER happen again.

So, this is our new game plan:

I am letting go of my predominant desire to write full-time and am applying for every full-time job in sight, whether I’m qualified or not.

Simon is going to try to get over his depression from getting no responses to all of his job applications, week-in and week-out, month-in and month-out, year-in and year-out.

And, we go see a financial counselor. We met with the counselor individually, so we can vent our frustrations separately, without it turning into a “he-said, she-said” verbal spar. What I got out of it was very insightful – a very vivid reminder that men are wired to provide and protect, and when they can’t do that for any reason, they get defensive, usually out of shame or guilt. It can be a huge blow to their psyches. And, what I’ve been doing – bugging Simon to get a job so he can contribute half of our expenses -- is not what is needed to engender peace and harmony, nor abundance and prosperity, in our relationship.

What I need to do, according to this counselor, is use feeling statements, like “I feel frustrated that we never seem to have enough to pay the rent and, as a result, we always have to scramble at the last minute.”

The counselor suggested that Simon and I take the next 30 days as a cooling-off period, where we both try to be even more supportive and understanding of each other. This counselor reminded us that there needs to be an openness and peacefulness to clear any blocks to our abundance and prosperity flowing in, which makes a lot of sense. And, hopefully my resolve to get back to a full-time job search will motivate Simon.

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