DIARY of a 99%-er: The Struggle Between Survival and Creative Expression

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October 11

Happiness is a ripple of life-giving energy that does affect the mental/emotional world we all share.” – Carol Carnes

And, speaking of finances, the pendulum has swung back to a struggle for survival. All euphoria over freedom and autonomy has left the building.

Simon and I have been going at it again over money. As grateful I am that he is working again, it appears that he is in total denial about our financial situation. He still has no bank account, so I have to continue paying all the bills. He brings in, working part-time, about $600 a month. Our rent is $1200, so he contributes exactly half the rent, which leaves me, on unemployment, sans food stamps now, to pay the rest of our joint bills, plus all my expenses, plus gas for both of us, plus cigarettes for him, as he continues to struggle with breaking this addiction.

But, thankfully, I have witnessed some small shifts in the bigger picture of our abundance and prosperity lately. We are blessed to have a small deck adjoining our apartment. What started out as a mini-garden with three plants, under Simon’s loving care, has now blossomed most beautifully into something worthy of a nursery. My grandmother, who is now moving to a more suitable apartment for her situation, gave us a ton of plants and planters, and Simon has arranged them in such a way that our foliage cup has runneth over. Yea and hallelujah!

I look outside and see so much greenery that Simon has lovingly cultivated, and I know it’s a harbinger of the financial abundance and prosperity to come. In my yoga practice tonight, I focus on shoulder stand and plow, repeating the mantra “We are abundant.”

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