DIARY of a 99%-er: The Struggle Between Survival and Creative Expression

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October 15

“It is absolutely necessary, both for our advancement and the salvation of others, to follow always and in all things the beautiful light of faith.” – St. Vincent de Paul

Here’s the lowdown: Our rent is due in two weeks. We have less than half right now. Neither of us have gotten even one interview from all of the jobs we’ve applied for.

So, I keep writing like a maniac. I continue to be so grateful for this freedom and autonomy in my daytime paradigm that I’m doing whatever I can to sustain it for as long as possible. One creative project that I’ve been working on with a friend is finally done with the writing stage, and we are finishing up the editing. The book that I’m working on is 75% complete and I’m hoping to finish it by the end of the year. However, a book I’m trying to work on with Simon is nowhere near close to being done. But, luckily, none of these creative projects have deadlines. I’m just thrilled that I’ve been able to use my time being “fun-employed” so productively, engaged in something so meaningful to me, not to mention the freelance articles I’ve done for cold, hard cash. The only downside to freelancing is that it takes forever to get paid – months after the initial exertion of effort and publication of the article.

But, since I have no idea when any of my writing projects will yield substantial income, the never-ending job search continues. Also, I’m not sure if an extension for unemployment funds will be passed soon by Congress. A lot is hinging on who gets elected President in the upcoming election.

I can also reapply for food stamps once my unemployment funds run out at the end of the month, if I haven’t found any other source of substantial income yet. I continue to wonder how other writers – who aren’t trust fund babies or stay-at-home moms – do this? How can anyone possibly work a full-time job to make ends meet, be bombarded with so much digital information at work, and still have free time and energy left over to write, while still taking care of household chores and other basic necessities? When will Simon and my life be so stable that I never even have to even think about where the rent/mortgage money is coming from? When will I be able to buy myself the freedom and autonomy to not have to work for someone else and just be a writer? So many questions! As a creative soul, it is so difficult to fit into the traditional 9-5, work-until-you-retire-or-die paradigm.

So, I continue to try and just let go and let the Universe direct me, not knowing when exactly the rent will be paid, not knowing when either of us will get a steady source of income, not knowing where it will come from, etc. It’s a huge leap of faith again.

The yoga practice is helping immensely. Tonight, I work on arm-strengthening poses like side plank. Then, Simon and I do some partner yoga together. We finish it off by sharing a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Karamel Sutra ice cream. Luscious!! Then we do some positions from the Kama Sutra under the sheets.

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