DIARY of a 99%-er: The Struggle Between Survival and Creative Expression

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February 1

The two most powerful warriors are patience and time.– Leo Tolstoy

In a few days, we will be making an enormous decision that will affect the next year or more of our lives – whether we re-sign a lease with our apartment complex or move out. While we have been presented with the typical options – a year lease is only a slight increase, a six-month lease is a larger increase, and month-to-month is a ginormous increase – the thought of being liberated from having to pay the rent every month, when it’s been such a struggle, is so enticing. But where do we go? And, do we stay together and continue to try to tackle our finances together, as we have been doing for the past two years? Or, do we split up and tackle them individually and then come back together? While this is a radical idea, it might be the best option for us.

So, for the past few weeks, I’ve been asking the Universe for clarity and trying to leave myself totally open to whatever unfolds. This is still really challenging! My egoic mind still wants to take action, create a plan, a spreadsheet, a to-do list. But, as a spiritual soul, I’ve learned that letting go and letting things unfold is the only way to deal with situations where the path is not immediately clear.

Simon, however, has been talking constantly: talking about the options, talking about the power of manifestation, talking, talking, talking. For him, talking is definitely a coping mechanism.

The intuitive hit I’ve received in the past few days is that we may have to split up geographically – that I may have to move in with relatives until either: a) I publish my book and see what that yields; b) I manifest a high-paying job; or c) both of the above. I’m almost done with the book and sending out query letters like crazy to see if I can get an agent. I continue to look at all the free time I’ve had to write since being laid off of as a huge gift. If I move in with a relative, I could use the unemployment money I’ll be getting until a job manifests to pay off as much debt as possible. I’ve been so inspired by a class I’ve been taking about financial prosperity to finally get my own financial house in order. I’ve tried to do this before, too many times to count, but to no avail because of the whole living paycheck-to-paycheck thing, with barely any money left over to pay off debt, save and invest.

I would love to erase as much debt as possible, including student loans that have been following me around longer than they should have and a credit card balance that ballooned after I got laid off the first time – thankfully, the only credit card bill I have. So, my main question is, which relative can I live with?

And, where will Simon live? He has debt of his own that is keeping him stuck.

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