I was disgusted with myself. I don’t know what I was thinking. Heck! I wasn’t even thinking. I sighed, for the millionth time today, and got up from my soft fluffy bed. Cold chilly air immediately hit my already warm body making me groan in frustration. I made a turn and was about to jump back to bed when my alarm went off. Don’t be surprised. I always wake up before my alarm goes off. You could say that it’s just my instincts. It was partially that besides my nightmares being my other reason. This time they were much worse. Don’t ask. I don’t want to talk about it. Well, especially not on this perfect morning.
I was to join my new school. Brookway High School. It was the best school in my home area. To say I was nervous, excited, frustrated would be an understatement. I was afraid that I would meet new people. Afraid that I would make a fool out of myself. Afraid that I would lose everything once I let people into my life. I know I was being insensitive and a little bit annoying but I just could not help it.
I willed myself into my bathroom and got into the shower letting the cold water wash away my fears and worries. After about twenty minutes, I was ready. I looked at my reflection on my dressing mirror. I was slowly recovering. I no longer had dark bags under my eyes and my skin was so much healthier. I let out a small breath.
‘You can do this. Just don’t get into trouble. And do not let anyone make you feel inferior.’ I thought to myself.
“Corey!!! Get your ass out of your room or we will get late!” my brother Dylan said.
With my doubts and fear a little bit clear, I headed downstairs to where my brother was. Staircases were once and will forever be under my list of fears. They just brought bad memories. I had asked my dad to let me use the storeroom instead of my bedroom but after hours of talking (something about facing my fears), I gave in. I paid extra attention than needed when descending and ascending the staircase so as not slip. This was one of the reasons why I felt disgusted with myself. I could no longer do normal things without having to fear.
I would look like a total prick. What would people say. They would be watching my every move since I would be the new kid. I will totally embar…
That’s all it took for me to go stumbling all the way down. I held my head waiting for the impact that never came. I slowly looked up to see my dad holding me to prevent me for falling. His lips were moving but I could not register what was going on. Panic attack! I was having a panic attack from falling off the stairs. It was stupid(I know). Who just got a panic attack from falling off the stairs. Who else but me. Disg…
“…breathe Corey. Nothing happened. You are fine. See, you didn’t get hurt.”
I followed my dad’s instructions and after a while I was fine. Well not entirely fine since I began crying on my dad’s shoulder.
“It’s okay. You are fine. Sshhh”
After a few minutes, I stopped crying, my sobs being reduced to only small hiccups.
“Let’s get you some water.” My dad said.
I slowly nodded following him to the kitchen. Before I even got in, I was engulfed in a tight hug.
“I am so sorry Correy. I should not have shouted at you. I am really sorry okay. I didn’t mean f…”
“It’s okay. It’s not your fault that I am clumsy. Come on we will be late for school.” I informed my worried brother.
I drank the water dad gave me and later swallowed some tablets for my ongoing medication. After breakfast, dad took us to school. The school was huge. I was slightly nervous but kept cool for my dad and brother. I had to prove to them that I could make it even if I was just taking baby steps to recovery. We were ten minutes early which was a good thing since dad found a parking spot quickly.
Dad was the first to exit the car followed by Dylan. I, on the other hand, was trapped in my never ending negative thoughts.
‘What if I make a fool out of myself. I will be the freaky new kid. What if they do what the others did to me. What if…’
“...you just get out of the car. I promise I will be with you the entire time. I promise.” Dylan’s voice interrupts me.
I sighed getting out of the car with one thought in mind.
‘I will make the two most important men in my life proud.’