The other night, woken up by a coughing fit, I tried a new cough mixture.
Big mistake. The cough mixture generated even more phlegm. I spent most of the night racing out of bed to spit in the bathroom. It ended with me ” sit sleeping” most of the night “, jolting awake like clockwork every hour.
Usually, I would read an ebook or surf the net to tire myself out. But of all nights, my phone battery was dead. So what was left to do while waiting it out?
Suddenly I was reminded of a quote I read somewhere.
‘If you have difficulty falling asleep, it may be God telling you, “We need to talk and now you have the time”’
I was like “Gee Lord, here I am. So what would you like to talk about?”
Almost immediately I zoomed in on the moment when I felt small reading a facebook post about Emma Watson.
It was a goalcast video, one of those inspirational videos on how through sheer determination, the Harry Potter star managed to score straight As and enter Ivy league college, while juggling her successful acting career.
She also happens to be young, intelligent, beautiful, successful and UN ambassador and the list goes on.
Instead of inspiring me, it actually left me feeling deflated and questioning what had I achieved in my almost 40 years journey on earth ?
So I lifted up those feelings to the Lord. Just then, another quote came to mind.
“You are fearfully and wonderfully made! ”
Yes, I m made in God’s image. My dignity comes from being His child! It is all that really matters.
Perhaps I need to trust God and allow Him to mold me to be the person He sees me.
At that point, I offered up a decade of Rosary, asking Him to help me be the person he made me to be.
It just occurred to me. I may not have a face that launches a thousand ship, an impressive CV or a wall full of accolades. But I can still be be an ambassador to Someone Very Important and so can you!
By being present every moment and allowing my ordinary life to sanctify me, I can be a walking billboard for Christ.
By living in joyful trust and acceptance, no matter the circumstances, so I can always be ready to give others a reason for my hope.
My hope is in the Lord! What greater honour is there? To be able to spread his fragrance and light, not in spite of, but precisely because of my weakness!
What better way to showcase His glory and Majesty? To allow him to use me, an utterly small instrument so that others can see His handiwork . After all, didn’t our Lord remind St Faustina and Sr Josefa repeatedly that He had chosen them because of their misery?
Eventually I fell asleep, fully expecting to be zombified the next morning. Surprisingly, I functioned quite normally and didn’t even yawn once. Talking to God is indeed refreshing!
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