Words are wings

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a terrible feat

Cassie, Erica, Zoe, Will and i.

Me, will, Zoe, Erica and Cassie.

we were infinite we were forever until we weren’t.

I loved us.

The way Cassie would braid her hair absentmindedly fingers deft and quick weaving gold. She could do the same with words, on days at the beach we would sit in the sand around the campfire she would weave her voice with the flame telling of kingdoms built in the clouds and dragons breathing flame so hot it melted skin off bone. It was incredibly sad when she cut it short but, her voice remains.

The way Erica and i waited for dark on the front porch before taking long walks falling over roots as our heads craned upwards not wanting to miss a second of the night sky. Knees scraped and eyes starry as we returned in the early hours of the morning into the waiting arms of the others.

I recall Zoe and i leaning on the kitchen counter in the late afternoon mugs of tea grasped in our hands as we held a silent conversation. the way she smiled as if nothing would ever change as if forever was indeed forever. she had the way of breaking your heart every time you looked at her a sadness that always clung to her shoulders as if she could see our fate even then.

And then there was will. He who i loved best of us all. He who stole my heart over ever summer. I could live forever in his arms, in the way we danced all night until our feet bled tears leaking from our eyes laughter leaking from our lips. The surf washing over us as we were pressed close together, the reflection of fire in his eyes. He was the most beautiful creature to ever exist. And he was mine.

They were all mine, and i was theirs we were all fully and wholly of each other.

It was all too sweet all too short. It all ended in bitter eternity.

We died our last summer together. All of us together the best way to end. We didn't want to go to leave, to say goodbye to our forever but we did. we did. we did. and i hated it. And it was what killed us in the end.

I Don't remember much about the day i died. only this.

The day was cold. The sea told of calm but it was lying. We had thought to outrace it, the turmoil beneath the waves that day; to leave the our forever as soon as dawn broke.

Cassie stood there in her cardigan, hair too short to tie back whipping around her face, tears pricked her eyes and stung her face. Zoe stood close by in a t-shirt and shorts, arms wrapped around herself freezing but stubborn. Erica in a hoodie pulled over her head obscuring her face, but you could tell it was her in the way she stood, arms by her sides; she looked as though she would float away and dissolve if the wind blew any harder. Will stood by me. his hand reaching out to grasp mine. Our fingers intertwined. Our palms a dead cold.

The ship rocked the waves picking up. the sky a deep stormy grey. the same colour as will's eyes. we stood at the prow together side by side staring out mist clouding our view of the mainland. our ship sank that day never reaching the mainland, ice flooding the lower decks pulling the ship down. down.. down...

I died that day in Wills arms.

Only i didn't and that's not how i died. They told me i was crazy that i had never been on a boat. That Will never existed that our forever was a myth. I shook all day in the white room they had put me in the ice still in my veins. the ice they said never existed. i don't believe them. I'm dead. i died. i died. i should be dead. why am i not dead where is Cassie. where is Erica. where is Zoe. where is will. where am i. and what happened the day i died.

- if you read this please leave feedback thinking of making it into a story - opinions? if you have read this far you have my heart - your dearest writer - leia

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