my most dearly detested
“Do you trust me.”
“no, not particularly” I stood on tiptoe whispering into her ear. She took a breathy sigh, almost as if she would begin crying and fall apart in my arms. we were so fragile glass animals caged by metal beasts we never stood a chance. not one.
“I missed you”
" I know” I almost broke then, almost. everything threatened to fall out, to spill my dams were failing, my walls so paper thin. I caved only slightly a small shudder, but she knew, she saw she always did. I felt the handle of her dagger dig into my back as she drew me in and I tried, I tried so hard not to cry but I was a broken creature. I think I always was. She was warm, and I stood there within her arms trembling unsure of everything tears so close to escaping eyes a watery graveyard. I looked up at her then into the eyes I loathed, they were my downfall so beautiful they hurt to look at. I let a single tear fall, watched her face as her eyes tracked the tear that fell don my face, it was the taste of salt in my mouth so unfamiliar, a foreign feeling but I felt relief as if a great barrier had been lifted, and it had, I let myself cry, let the droplets race down my face let them fall landing on the floor creating lakes and rivers, I saw her begin to cry then. a moment so pure. and we stood there encased in each other’s arms letting each other in. it Was so wrong, so against everything that it felt right. So right there we fell apart, torn to shreds so completely incomplete. I looked up to find her watching me again her tears had stopped so I stopped mine staring back at her palm reached up to brush a rouge tear from my cheeks, i flinched and she withdrew only for a second before wiping the tear away. I whispered although my voice seemed unbearably loud.
“I missed you too”
Her dagger found its way under my chin, I felt the blade press close the metal cold as she tilted the blade upwards lifting my head with it. She continued,
“why did it have to be you, anyone else, anyone, I- I can’t”
the blade remained, steel bone aching to release my blood from its mortal confinement, allowing hot sticky red to join the tears on the floor.
“why did you walk through my door” her voice cracked “why would you do that not knowing if I would kill, I should kill you, you know, I could right here all it would take - why?”
“I- I didn’t know where else to go” my voice was still astoundingly loud to my ears, yet I’m sure it hardly reached her own.
“I didn’t know where else to go, there was, I couldn’t, you were the only one” my voice came out so broken so unfix-able it horrified me. I was so undeniably lost.
“catch me, don’t leave me. please don’t go, please be here when I wake” standing was near impossible, the floor tilted and swayed like the deck of a ship.
“okay, okay” it was the last thing I heard before I felt her lips against mine.
“just- just in case I don’t get the chance again”
my eyes fluttered close as my body gave way, and I surrendered to unconsciousness in the arms of my enemy.