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When the one person in the world you trust with your whole heart crushes it, what are you supposed to do after? Jamie finally tells Tom the one thing she's been keeping from him and he goes ballistic. Where do you go after that?

Other / Drama
Age Rating:

Chapter 1

“Everything is terrible, nothing matters. The words you’re reading are nothing more than that, words. They sit here on a page just hoping that someone will one day come along and read them. Hoping that maybe if they do something or write something that people want to read, that they’ll be remembered. That just because a large amount of people like what they do that maybe, just maybe, they’ll be remembered. That they’ll be missed when they’re gone. But that’s not how this works, hell, no one knows how this works. We all flounder around doing pointless little tasks until we don’t anymore. One day everything is forgotten, nothing lasts forever.”

“Jesus Christ that’s dark.”

“Well you wanted to know why I’m always such a ‘downer’ Tom.” I quote the word with my fingers, before quickly letting my hands drop down to my sides.

“Yeah well, I thought it was because you didn’t have a boyfriend Jamie.” I sigh at his words.

“How many times do I have to tell you I don’t want a boyfriend.”

Sure you don’t. You’re just saying that because you don’t have one.” Tom laughs. He fucking laughs. Like I haven’t told him a million times that I don’t want a boyfriend. Like I haven’t explained to him that I’m not interested in that kind of thing. Every time it’s the same.

“Of course you want a boyfriend, everyone does,” He scoffs, taking another bite of his apple

“You won’t know you don’t like it until you try it.” He waves his hand in front of his face in dismissal

“It’s just a phase,” He shrugs, as he keeps walking.

“You don’t fucking get it Tom!” I yell, my hands clenched. The people around us turn to stare. I’ve had enough.

“Well, then help me get it,” He almost, almost, sounds sincere with his words.

“I’ve tried!” I yell again, throwing my arms out in frustration. I’m standing now. “You just can’t get it through that thick skull of yours!”

“Calm down, okay.” He’s standing trying to get closer to me, trying to touch me.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” I yell pulling away from him.

“Okay! Okay, I won’t touch you.” He backs up a few steps like he’s afraid of me.

“You’re supposed to be my friend. You’re supposed to be on my side.” I take a steadying breath and look at him, really look at him, and there’s hurt in his eyes.

“I am your friend.” His voice is so soft at this point I almost don’t catch his words.

“Then why aren’t you on my side?” The words come out broken, the anger draining from my clenched fists and tense frame.

“I am Jamie. God, I am on your side.”

“Not about this you aren’t.”

“What do you mean about this? If you’re into girls instead you know I’d have your back.”

“There!” I almost yell again, pointing my finger harshly. “That’s the problem! You don’t get it!”

“What do you mean? Get what?!” Tom yells. He rakes his hand through his short hair, he’s almost at the end of his rope.

“I’m not into anyone!” I yell. He sputters to a stop. His outstretched hand falls to his side. His face goes slack. Like you’ve just been told that you’ve been doing math wrong your entire life. He just stands there, as I try to breathe normally again. It’s not that hard of a concept to grasp. But then his face contorts in anger. A rage so pure, so all consuming, that I take a step back. For the first time in my life I’m scared of Tom. Of what he might do.

That’s what this is about?!” His words are laced with a venom that could eat through the floor. I stumble backwards, as he starts advancing towards me. “A stupid phase is what’s got you so worked up?!” He’s around the table now, his shoes landing hard against the ground. Like his body is trying to work through the anger anyway it can.

“It’s not a phase.”

“Like hell it isn’t!” He laughs. He fucking laughs. But this time it’s twisted, a sick parody of what it used to be. He’s only a few feet away from me now. “You need to stop acting like a fucking child and just pick one!” He jabs his finger into my chest every few words, and I bite back a whimper.

“You like one or the other, there is no neither! Everybody chooses so fucking choose, and let this stupid phase finally end!”

“The world’s not so black and white you know!” I yell back at him, my anger surging forward again. And then he hits me. The rest of the room comes back into focus; we’re no longer in our own little bubble. It’s popped, he popped it. The noise of people yelling at Tom, and the rushing water of the nearby fountain is the loudest.

“What the fuck!” Someone yells. There is noise everywhere, I don’t know where they are.

“Is she okay?” I can hear someone nearby murmuring. I shake my head in reflex. I’m not alright. I will never be alright. My best friend, the one person I should be able to count on, is gone. In his place is some hateful, vicious thing that only sees what supports his views. So stuck in its ways that it lashes out at anything and anyone that thinks differently.

“I want to go home.” It comes out as a soft whisper from my lips. Directed… somewhere, maybe even towards myself.

“Then let’s get you home alright?” A voice to my left answers. It’s then that I notice the hands on my shoulders, and the warm presence next to me. I’m still on my feet. Somehow despite my world crumbling around me, I’m still on my feet. Part of me knows I should stay, to talk to security or the police; to yell at Tom again or to fix things between us. But a larger part of me just wants this day to end. Wants everything to just stop being so confusing and frustrating.

“Where the fuck are you going?!” Tom yells. I jerk to a stop, his voice is still a twisted parody of what it should be.

“Away from here! Away from you!” I yell, almost turning around to face him again.

“I drove you here, what are you going to do walk?”

“If I have to.” I start walking again. With a kind stranger at my side and Tom’s venomous words at my back. Pretending like I don’t hear the insults he continues to hurl at me. Pretending like the only friend I’ve had for over ten years hasn’t just ripped out my heart. Pretending that I know what to do now.

I’m not broken. I don’t need to be fixed. I’m not an a thousand piece puzzle that’s missing pieces. They didn’t look through the box and say, “Darn there’s pieces missing, guess we have to send it back.” I’m not some damaged thing that you can send off to be fixed. There’s nothing to fix. I am not broken. I can get up in the morning and know that I am accepted. I can stand to look at myself in the mirror and know that there’s nothing wrong with me. I am not broken. There’s nothing missing. I’m playing a board game and I have all the pieces. Nothing has been stolen, or forgotten. Everything is right where it should be. I am not broken...right?
I don't really remember much of the ride home. Whoever walked out of the mall with me called me a cab or an Uber or something. I thanked them... I think and climbed in the car. My cheek throbs from where Tom hit me. I can't even remember if it was a slap or a punch.

The ride back to my apartment was quiet. At least I think it was, all I really remember is my driver telling me how much I owed him. I made it to my apartment, unlocked it and collapsed on my couch. I'm sure I'm missing bits of information here and there, but it's not that important.

"I'm not broken." I mutter to myself, as I curl into a tighter ball on my couch. Fuck Tom if he doesn't accept me then I don't need him. I don't need the one person who said that they'd always be by my side. I don't need him, I don't. I pull my knees as close to my chest as I can mange, without breaking something. I just want this ache in my chest to stop. I want the snarling, gaping wound Tom used to fill to stop throbbing with every shaky breath I manage to bring in.
I want the words people throw at me to not hurt so much. I want to be able to hold my head up proudly, instead of looking at the ground when I walk. I want the tears that are falling down my face to stop. I just want the world to stop. For just one moment, so I can take a breath.
I don't need him. I don't need him. I don't need him. I don't need him. I don't need him. I don't need him.
If I think it enough it'll start to be true right? Fake it till you make it they say. That's how it works doesn't it? Eventually?
Who am I kidding, I'm pathetic. Sitting here crying over a guy, a fucking pathetic piece of shit.
"I don't need anyone." The words slip out, no louder than a whisper. They sound like a lie even to my ears. I can call myself a loner, or say I'm better off on my own and push everyone away. But...
But I want someone, just one person to understand. I just want someone to be there when my world feels like it's crumbling around me. I don't want to have to hold myself up alone anymore. Because I'm losing pieces. They are falling out of my hands faster and faster, and if I stop to pick them up then everything else will fall too.
I just need help. Please, someone anyone, don't leave me all alone. My chest heaves and my shoulders shake and I push my face further into my couch, the fabric long since damp. There's a deep ache in my body, that I doubt any amount of sleep will fix. I just need help.
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