I refuse to get myself attach to another person, when death follows me around. The guys think I want to find someone who can replace Zendaya and the empty space in my heart from where Chloe and I aren't close anymore. They're wrong. I'm not trying to fill any hole up. I saved her because I saw the fear in her eyes. Unlike the rest of the girls in the sale, she was the only one terrified of her life, regardless of how drugged she was. She still had hope someone was going to save her. I should know who it feels to cry out for someone to save you and get no response.
She's someone daughter, a friend...a human. I don't kill innocent people. I don't know when my friends decided to kill anyone innocent. I thought we were still grounded by morals. I suppose I was wrong. I don't judge the though, this past year has been hard on all of us. We had to kill our soft-side, if not it'd get us killed. So, they were right when they said I can't release the girl back into the world. She'll bring us down and I'm not ready to spend my life behind bars. I have business to finish.
Watching her switch and cry in agony as the drugs cleared from her system, her pain brought back feelings I didn't feel anymore. I prayed to a God I no longer believed in to kill her right now, because she was too far gone to be saved. The pain she was going through, I can't explain. She was cracking me. My eyes filled with tears and I wanted to hug her. I stood up from the chair and took in a deep breathe.
Get it together Zariah. You wanted to save her, you wanted her to have her life back. Nothing is easy in this world but if she wants to live the girl will fight. She will make it through.
"You should go to bed. I'll stay up with her." I heard Zane say behind me.
"No, it's fine. I can stay here." I responded, keeping my eyes locked on her. He got up from the chair and walked behind me. He placed his hands on my shoulder and give them a squeeze.
"You did the right thing. She was destined to die in there. Here she has sometype of hope."
"Does she? Or did I save her from one hell to bring her to a another one?" I whispered. Can I really save anyone anymore? Everyone I tried helping was killed. Aaron...Zac...Zen. They all died because of me.
"I know you well enough to know you saved her because you wanted to, not because of pity. We will figure out what to do with her. Whether it's sending her back to her family or making her part of ours."He reassured me.
Throughout the year I grew closer with Zane. He seemed to be the only in the house who hadn't lost a sense of understanding. Although he tends to stay out of our problems between the guys and I, he tends to always fall on mine. Whenever my head isn't screwed on, he makes sure to screw it for me. If he believes we can take her back to her family or make her one of our own, I believe him.
I sat at the edge of the bed and took off the wet rag on her forehead and placed it back into the bowl of cold water. I can't imagine what she went through or how hard it's been for her to keep hope in a situation where you might never be safe. Whoever she is, she has strength.
"You think we can send her home?" My voice came out small as I squeezed the rag from the access water.
"Mhm, I think she just wants to be home. I don't think she'd rat us out or even come looking for us. She's suffered enough."
I placed the rag on her forehead as she groaned in pain. "I don't want to chose a life for her. They took that away from her. She's young, she can start over again."
"And if you give her the opportunity to, she will. She'll start her life over again." He smiled.
"What if she dies?" I questioned him. What if I saved her too late and her body is craved to the drug? What if her life is already ruined and the best thing for her is to die? Life has our story written our already, what if hers was to die?
"By the marks on her body they haven't been giving her drugs as much as you think. By the blowouts in her arms she might have been drugged maybe a week or less. The withdrawal is hell, but she won't die."
Zane is very smart, he spends most of his time in medical books trying to grow his knowledge in the human health. He says he wants to be prepared in case one of us get hurt and he needs to help out. I heard Khole mentioned once Zane has photogenic memory. When Sam can't come in to treat minor wounds, Zane does.
He kisses the top of my head, before asking me to go to bed again. I surrendered to his pleas and went to bed. Today had been long and I needed a hot bath, maybe even a bottle of wine if possible. As I walked towards my room, in the distance I could her the baby crying.
"God, Chloe." I whispered to myself.
I opened the door to the nursery and inside the crib Zasiah was crying his small lungs out. I picked him up and cooed him in my arms.
"It's okay, baby. It's okay." I said, moving my body from side to side to stop him from crying. I looked over at the clock on the wall and realized it was time for his bottle. He wasn't crying because he was fussy, he was hungry.
As I reached for the door knob, the door opened and Khole walked in with a baby bottle in his hand. A small smile formed on his lips.
"I probably should've picked him up first before I went downstairs to make him a bottle." He chuckled, embarrassedly.
I nodded. "He would've calmed down and not be so fussy. Right, baby." I grinned.
"Sorry. Give him to me, I can feed him." He swiftly took Zasiah from my arms and began feeding him. I'm not the only who grew extremely fond of the baby, Khloe acts like the second father. If I'm not around to take care of Zasiah, he is.
I watched him for a moment, taking in how he stared at the baby with love. We aren't bad people, I promise, deep down we have sympathy but our lifestyle can't consist of us being the kids we were a year ago. We have to put a cold shield. one that won't get us stepped on.
"I'm sorry about being all over your case about the girl..." Khole said, looking up. "I don't know why you do spontaneous things but it's not out of your character. You did the right thing and I'm proud of you for that." He smiled.
He got walked over to me and lowered his head down, pressing his lips on mine. "Go shower and relax. You are being hard on yourself again."
I kissed him back, before departing and pressing my forehead on his shoulder. I looked at Zasiah who was happily drinking away from his bottle.
"Goodnight, my little prince." I whispered.
"I'll be in bed in a little while." I heard him say as I stepped okay.