Khole and I aren't together nor do I love him. As the year went by we began to rely on each other presence and we started sleeping with each other. We don't label what we have because we don't consider it anything at all. He's never bothered asking me what we are and I don't see it as a relationship blossoming so I don't ask questions. I know he misses Zen a lot still. I've caught him crying in the shower a few times now. I don't know how to approach him about what is going on since he doesn't talk about her anymore. I guess we don't want to label us since we both still miss dearly the people we loved.
He fills the emptiness within me at night. I love when he crawls into bed and snuggles against me and pulls me into his warm embrace. After a long day, it's what I wish for the most, his hugs. Although during the day he and I argue about everything, at night it's when we put our arguments aside and we fall into each other's arms.
His hot breath hit the back of my neck causing chills to spiral down my spine. I placed my small hand on top of his, filling the gaps in between his fingers with my own. I gripped onto him tightly until he pushed himself closer to me.
"Don't you ever get tired of dealing with this life?" He sighed tiredly.
Everyday, when I wake up I wish to see my old pastel pink walls my parents had disapproved of me painting over. I wanted to wake up to the smell of my mom's homemade waffles, Zac's obnoxious knocking on the door for me to get up, my dad's morning text. I missed my old life more than anything and every morning when my alarm goes off I pray to wake up from this long nightmare. Of course, I won't confess that to Khole. He wishes more than anything to go back to his home, but if he leaves he wants all of us to go to our normal lifestyle.
"Not anymore." I simply responded.
"You're life is set out to kill Daniel but what will you do after that? Have you thought about what you will do after?"
No. Deep down, I want to be able to go home but I can't. Going back home to my parents is like opening wounds for them. They have coped with the loss of their children and they deserve to be happy. After I get my revenge I'll leave the drug trafficking and try to live a normal life. Try to do things I wanted to, maybe even go to college.
"No, but does it matter?" He makes it seem like I'll kill Daniel soon. This takes time.
"You've revolved your life around one man who probably is afraid of your existence. I don't find the purpose of hunting him down anymore. I want to be normal." He confessed.
No one was stopping him from having a normal life. I wasn't stopping any of my friends from leaving this house and making their own life. When Chloe had the baby, I told Logan to take her far away from where the baby could be safe. They could start a life and be happy with their tiny family. He refused. He said we were a family and family doesn't leave anyone behind. But my plans put everyone at risk and I don't want to be responsible for anyone else dying. I've asked them numerous times to leave but they don't budge. Khloe is no exception. I tell him once or twice a week if he doesn't like being here to leave. To find him a nice girl and move with her and be happy. Yet, no one seems to listen to me.
"And leave you behind? Never." I turned around to look at him.
"Don't stay because of me. I can take care of myself."
He rolled his eyes at me. "I know, but I can't leave you here. If I leave I want you to come with me. We can go back to United States, move to Cali. We'd have a normal life." He smiled.
"You know I can't leave without-"
"I know. You want Daniel dead. You think killing him is going to satisfy your emptiness somehow? It's not. You won't be any less of an animal then he is. Aaron, Zac, Zen, they won't come back the moment you kill Daniel."
"But he will get what he deserves." I snapped.
"Who are you to judge what he deserves? You aren't God." He was starting to argue with me.
"He has my brother's blood on his hand and I'll kill anyone who stands in my way to kill Daniel. I rather burn in hell for eternity than let him live. I am not God, but not even God himself can stop me from doing what I want the most." My eyes began to tear up.
Khloe scoffed. He pressed his lips to my forehead before hugging me tightly. "Calm down. I'll stay by your side until you get what you want. I'll stay here, even if it kills me too."
The sudden knock on my door woke me up from my slumber. Getting out of bed, I dragged my feet across the marble floor towards the door. I opened the door and Zane was standing on the other side. He was still wearing the clothes from the last night and reeked of vomit. I took a step back trying to catch fresh air.
"Sorry for waking you up, but we have a problem. She might not survive the withdrawals. Whatever Amelia is giving those girls to shoot up is some addicting stuff. She's begging me to giver her more."
"Okay." I said, not knowing what to do. I looked over to Khole who was sleeping peacefully. I walked out into the hallwahy and closed the door behind me. "What do you think we should do?"
"Not give her more drugs. I told you the withdrawls would be hell for her."
"Yeah, but you also told me she'd live." I responded quickly.
"That was before I realized she wasn't doped up with just heroin. She can't keep down any liguids and she's going through fluids quickly. We don't have enough medical supplies to help her ride through it." He sunded frustrated.
"What if we call Sam?" I suggested.
"She's out of the city for the week."
I threw my head back, groaining quietly. I had to think of something. I told Zane to follow me and I went to the room where we had her. A part of me regretting going in there. The girls was a disaster. She was curled up in a fetus posotion crying, while her body kept shaking uncomtroablly.
Our eyes meet and she took in a deep breath. "I need drugs, please, I can't take it anymore. Everything hurts." She cringed.
"I can't give you more drugs your body can't handle more. The withdrawls will get less intense, trust me."
She grabbed her stomach and cried. "My body is on fire. I can't go through this." She sobbed. "God, why are you doing this to me?"
A huge knot formed in the middle of my throat. I couldn't see her this way. my heart ached for her. I wantd to do something but I didn't have the answer.
"Let's ger her in the tub, we can try to keep her cool." I told Zane.
"We can't. I have to keep her on fluids if not she'll die of dehydration. The fluids are the only thing helping her."
"Kill me." I heard her say suddenly.
"What?" I demanded.
Her brown eyes pierced into mine. "Kill me. I'm already dead, just finish me off." She pleaded.
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