The Guy Who Gave Up His Jersey

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The Guy Who Gave Up His Jersey(26)

“I don’t fucking want you here anymore!” My mom screamed angrily at my father, as she threw his clothes out the door.

When we arrived back home things with our parents were rough, my mom and dad had gotten to another fight while we were away. I should’ve been used to it; I could’ve ignored it, but when my mother spat those words out my heart shattered.

“We are getting a divorce!” She yelled, slamming the door shut.

Xavier and I glared at her, what the hell was she saying? They were divorcing each other? Has she lost her damn mind, didn’t she know that a divorce would destroy Xavier and I. She gave us a quick look before storming down the hall.

“Mom!” I screamed after her.

She sucked in a deep breathe getting ready to face our raft. “What they hell are you talking about?” I demanded. “You and dad can’t get a divorce!”

She turned around sighing. “Juliana I know right now you don’t under-“

“I don’t understand? Mom you can’t do this to me!” I cried out.

“Julie you have to understand your father and I won’t work out any longer. I don’t want to be in a marriage where I feel as if I am single,” She snapped at me.

I understood that she felt alone and angry, but why was she doing this? My real father never was around and when I finally got the chance to have one she decides to take him away from me. She couldn’t see how much it would affect me if I had someone else walk out of my life.

“And I don’t want to grow up again without a dad,” I muttered.

She tried hugging me but I pushed her away from me, the last thing I wanted was to be near her. Xavier pulled me away from her, he hadn’t said anything since mom had kicked dad out of the house.

“Mom, I think maybe it’s best if Juliana and I stay at the safe house.” He told her quietly.

“What? Why?” She demanded.

“Because I don’t want to be here and she doesn’t either.” He simply told her.

Her bottom lip trembled and her eyes watered; she tried her best to fight the tears, but they managed to spill anyway. She didn’t tell us anything else; she just turned her back at us and rushed in her room.

Xavier glanced down at me, giving me a small sad smile. “Go pack some clothes.” He whispered, giving me a kiss on the forehead.

I nodded listening to his order I went upstairs and packed some clothes in my duffle bag. I had managed not to break down completely, but my chest ached. Any minute now I would fall apart completely.  Xavier knocked on my door telling me if I was ready to go. In silence we left the house not saying another word to my mom or to each other.

The ride to the safe house felt like a eternity, we hadn’t been there in so long. I couldn’t help but to wonder why all of sudden my life wanted to be turn upside down. I couldn’t help but to think this was my punishment for trying to play Alejandro. This was karma hitting me in the face with a baseball bat.

“Do you want to stop and get something to eat?” Xavier asked me, breaking the silence between us.

“No.” I muttered. “I’m not hungry,” I stared at the window getting lost in my own world again.

“Well your stomach tells a differ,” He pointed out to the growling noise my stomach was making.

“It’s just upset,” I replied solemnly.

“Too bad we are getting something to eat.” He argued back stopping in front of Burger King.

He didn’t ask me what I wanted, or if I even wanted to get out the car. He just left me inside while he grabbed our burgers. I truly wasn’t hungry; I was too upset to eat. I was exhausted from the trip and now having to deal with my parents finished exhausting me.

When I thought things were going to get better they only get worse

Xavier walked in my room holding a tray of food in his hands. It was a week since we moved in the safe house; having our parents deal with the divorce had taken a toll on me. Xavier decided that we would stay at the safe house until mom and dad solved their case, although it hadn’t been long since they split up it had felt like forever.

“Julie you have to eat.” He motioned at me placing the tray beside me.

I turned the other way facing my back towards him. I hardly ate now a days, and whenever I did my stomach would only purge it out later.

“I’m not hungry.” I mumbled closing my eyes.

“You haven’t eaten in two days Juliana!” He raised his voice at me.

“So?”

“So? You’re going to get sick and then what am I supposed to do?” He questioned me frustration pouring.

I sat up shrugging at him. “I want to go home,”

He sat beside me, giving me a tight hug. “I want to go home too, but right now it isn’t an option.” He responded.

A few tear trops escaped my eyes rolling down my cheek, before falling on the white sheets. Xavier had been going to school but I hadn’t. I didn’t want to face anyone yet, I wasn’t ready. Control has been calling me since the night we left the house but I haven’t answered, and the girls try calling me but I do the same to them. I just wanted to be alone, forever if I needed too.

“Eat a little please,” He pleaded.

I grabbed the French toast stuffing my mouth. “Happy?” I spat out with my mouth full.

He nodded. “Yeah, I have to go but I’ll be back after fifth period. If you need anything just call me,” He told me giving me a quick kiss on the cheek.

I sat on my bed waiting to hear the front door slam shut, when I did; I got up and went to shower. When Xavier was around I would just stay in bed, I found it easier to avoid arguing with him. He wouldn’t bother trying to wake me up if I pretended to be asleep.

After showering I picked up around the house, cleaning the dishes, and doing the laundry. I tried keeping my mind off of things that way I wouldn’t burst out crying again. I was sitting down on the couch watching a movie when there was a knock on the door.

Gabriela, Demi, Linda, and Olive all stared at me as I swung it open. The moment they hugged me, I broke down entirely. Linda hugged me tightly soothing me the best way she could.

“It’s going to be okay,” She said in my ear. “I promise everything will get better.”

Demi looked up at me and sighed wrapping her arms around me she gave me another tight soothing hug. “You know you don’t have to suffer alone,” She assured me.

I nodded, I knew I didn’t have to go through all of this alone, but I didn’t want anyone to see me in the state I was. Gabriela gave me a small smile.

“Breath.” She simply said, winking at me.

I chuckled, softly. “I am. I am.” I responded.

Olive walked up to me and cleared the tears that were rolling down my face. “I’m sorry girlie. I know it must be tough on you,” She said, giving me another hug.

They closed the door and made their way to the living room, we all sat down just giving each other looks. I know they had no clue how to make me feel better, but their presence was enough. Xavier was right; I couldn’t just stay here at home, all I am doing to causing more sufferment than I needed.

“How did you guys know I was here?” I questioned them, sniffling.

“Xavier told us where you were.” Demi responded smiling at me.

“We thought it would be good to see you because apparently you don’t want us near you right now.” Gabriela scolded me.

I chuckled, “I just didn’t want you all to see me like this.” I responded truthfully. “It goes against all my morals,”

“We don’t blame you if you feel weak, a divorce between parents is hard.” Linda assured me. “At least it was hard for me when my mom and dad split up.”

I gave her a surprised look, her parents were divorced? I didn’t know that. Looking at Linda I believed she didn’t have problems, she was always smiling and making everyone try to feel better, that you were never think she had problems.

“Do things get better?” I asked her.

She nodded. “You get used to it. On school days I live with my dad and on the weekends I spent them with my mom. Things get easier.” She said, giving my hand a squeeze.

“So, what has your mom told you?” Gabriela asked me quietly.

I couldn’t help but to chuckle when she asked me the question. When I talked to my mom the other day she had said we were moving back to Spain, with my grandmother. My mom had left her a huge Café that was known over there, she said it would be the best for both of us. At this moment I found no use in fighting with her anymore. I had to move with her even if I didn’t want too.

“After the divorce papers are signed my mom and I leave to Spain,” I looked down at my hands playing with my fingers.

“What!” Olive shrieked.

“Why?” Demi asked me.

“My mom wants to move back to her home town. I don’t want to argue with her anymore so I agreed,” I said, peeling the black nail polish from my nails.

“What about Control? School?” Linda questioned me worriedly.

“I have to talk to him soon, school isn’t a problem I’ll finish it over there.” I answered their questioned.

“Julie.” I heard Gabriela say.

I snapped my eyes up to her looking at her concern expression. “What about Alejandro?”

My stomach tied into a knot, I hadn’t thought about him until know. My mind had been so caught up with the divorce that I forgotten all about Alejandro. If it was up to me I would’ve left without saying another word to anyone, it would’ve made things easier on me.

“What about him?” I acted stupidly.

“Are you just going to leave and not tell him anything?” She asked me.

I shrugged, would it matter if I told him anything. He did have a girlfriend and although he confessed he loved me, it didn’t change anything. I still didn’t like him and I could care less what happened in his life. Alejandro was starting his own life, and I was trying to start mine.

“No, he doesn’t need to know.” I responded firmly.

Demi rolled her eyes. “Really? I know you don’t want to see him but tell the poor guy you’re leaving the state.” She tried convincing me.

“No, because that wouldn’t help him in any way.”

Gabriela sighed. “He is going to go bonkers when he knows you left to Spain,” She stated.

Olive passed out a cup of tea to everyone before sitting down on the ground next to me. Even if I did tell him what was I supposed to say to him? “Thank you for making my life a less boring?” I barely knew what I was going to tell my boyfriend.

Control, god, of all of this mess leaving him was going to be the hardest things I was going to go through. Finally when I found someone that actually meant the world to me, I was being force to leave them behind.

“Can we just enjoy the few hours we have together?” I asked them.

They all agreed, we stayed in the living room, talking about all the years that had gone by. We even started talking about the game that was still going on, they said that more guys joined and they sure were going to miss my bossy help. We even cried, because at the end of all of this I was leaving my family behind, my girls, my backbone.

“I don’t know what I am going to do without you.” I told them, wiping the tears away.

“You know they did event webcams!” Olive laughed at me.

“True and phones!” Demi added.

“Plus, as soon as we graduate we will all go up to Spain and visit you.” Gabriela said giving me a hug. Before I knew it they had all gathered around me letting us enjoy our last group hug.

**

Xavier looked at me as I grabbed the keys and my purse from the coffee table, after the girls had left I convinced myself to go talk to Control. I would be leaving to Spain Saturday night and I didn’t want to tell him the exact day, I wanted to give him time to take in the entire situation.

“You don’t have to go tell him. I can just tell him for you,” Xavier tried convincing me.

I shook my head. “No I need to tell him on my own. He is my boyfriend.” I told him.

“Alright, if anything happens give me a call.” He shouted as I walked out the door.

The drive to his house was hectic, I kept trying to turn around back home, but I kept telling myself I needed to grow up and get it over with. I was standing in front of his door, waiting to ring the bell. How would I tell him the news? Would I just spit it out and run away? Would I ask him how school was and then tell him?

When I was going to knock on his door, his door opened. Control looked at me surprise. My cheeks flushed.

“Hey.” I whispered, waving to him.

He smiled kindly. “Hey.” He responded.

“Are you busy?” I asked him.

He extended the door asking me to come inside, and I did. I turned around looking at him straight in his blue eyes. I couldn’t help but to let my eyes feel with tears, he truly wasn’t someone I wanted to let go. I wanted to take Control with me wherever I went but I couldn’t that would be selfish of me.

“Why are you crying baby?” He asked me, wiping away my tears with his thumb.

“I missed you,” I whispered, wrapping my arms around his torso.

He sighed placing his chin on top of my head. “I missed you too. You haven’t answered my calls nor my messages I was scared something happened to you,” I heard him say.

“I know. Xavier told me that you were asking everyone where I was at.” I responded.

“Why didn’t you let me come and comfort you?” He asked me, hurt filling his voice.

I stayed quiet for a moment. “I didn’t want you to worry anymore about me, because I feel as if you already did so much for me.”

He cupped my face with his hands. “Of course I worry about you! You are my girlfriend! And no matter what you go through I will always be there,” He gave me a soft kissed.

My lips felt as if they were on fire, it had been awhile since I felt him near that my body was begging for him to stay near to me. I kissed him back, kissing him the same way he kissed me.

I drifted away from him sighing deeply. “I came here to talk to you,” I said.

“About?”

“Us.” I whispered. “We can’t be together anymore,” My voice cracked.

“Why do you say that?” Control asked me confused.

I couldn’t look at him straight in the eyes; it was too painful for me to tell him I could no longer be with him. My heart begged me to stop before I regretted what I was about to do, but I felt like I had no other choice.

“After my parents get divorce my mom and I are going back to Spain,” I replied, waiting for him to go off on me.

He didn’t say anything. “So you have to break up with me because of that?” He asked me.

I nodded. “I don’t want to hold you back. You are a sweet, charming guy that any girl would be special to have you. I was lucky to find you,” I sobbed.

“Then keep me, we don’t have to break up!” He argued with me.

“We do. I know it’s hard to understand but  you have to see that I will never make you happy.”

He laughed softly, his blue eyes gazed into mine and I could see how they filled up with tears. “I love you Juliana the way you are and I wouldn’t change anything about you.” He walked up to me giving me hard kiss.

He loved me? Control had said he loved me and this time my heart responded immediately. I didn’t love him. My heart didn’t beat quickly like when Ale told me nor did I feel nervous. Instead a numb feeling spread throughout my body.

I pushed him away from me. “Control, please, just understand me.” I pleaded.

Loving you, Control, would be the most wonderful thing that could happen to me, but I couldn’t. Even if my heart tried to convince me as if I didn’t love you I couldn’t tell you I did, because than walking away from you would be as hard as it is.

“I wanted to fix you Julie.” I heard him say. “I wanted you to see and fall in love with me but at the end you were the one who opened my eyes, and I fell in love with you.” He cried.

I bit my bottom lip, hoping that this horrible feeling would pass. “You showed me more than you imagine,” I responded. “i would keep you forever If I could but I refuse to hold you back any longer.”

Control nodded. “My princess grew up, your finally making your own decisions and standing up to them.”

I got on my tip-toes and kissed him slowly, making my mind memorize how it felt to actually like someone. I wanted to remember how Control was the first guy that ever made me feel complete and how he spend most of his days loving me than making me cry.

Tear drops fell from his eyes wetting our lips, I placed my forehead onto his and looked at him in the eyes.

“Don’t cry please,” I begged him.

“I wish I could stop time and keep you here near me,” He whispered.

“One day we will see each other I know it,” I reassured him, smiling at him.

He wrapped his arms around my waist pulling me into his warm body. I could stay here having him hold me for the rest of my life, I wish he would. I wish he would grab me and make me run away from him, but he knew, he knew that he eventually had to let me go.

“Give me one more night to be with you,” He whispered in my ear. “Let me enjoy one last time your presence before you leave.” He pleaded.

“I’ll stay but after tonight you can’t look for me. You have to find yourself a good girl, someone who will not let you go, ever.” I made him promise me.

He hesitated to answer to my question but he gave in, he promised. He probably wouldn’t look for another girl but at least I know he would try to look for someone, because I would be in the back of his mind every day and he would remember our promise.

That night we stayed up holding each other and as bad as it hurt to be near him, I wanted to enjoy the bittersweet pain he gave me. I wanted my brain to memorize everything about Control, because I would never return back to this place.

From something bad I found something good, in Spain I could start all over and no one needed to know my story. No one would ever know what I went through while I lived here.

I stared at Control as he slept underneath me, we had gotten comfortable in the media room. I watched him as he slept, his beautiful white complexion shining in the darkness and the way his heartbeat was the only thing I could hear me, made everything much better.

“Even if I can’t feel that I love you.” I whispered to him. “I love you Control.” I kissed him on his lips before getting comfortable in his arms.

I pretended time stopped, and only him and I were the only ones alive in the world. Tomorrow would never come and forever we would have one another. At least for the last few hours we would be…

**

I have to admit this chapter is sad. Its hard to write these:/ but I had too!

Chapters remaining: 5

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