The Guy Who Gave Up His Jersey

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The Guy Who Gave Up His Jersey(27)

Xavier brown eyes stared down at me sadly. The day that we dreaded the most had finally showed up, our parents were officially divorce.  Last night when everything finally settled down, I broke down. I couldn’t believe everything that I thought was impossible happened; my life was torn apart.

“So I guess this is it,” I whispered, tugging my hands in my jacket pockets.

Xavier nodded. “I guess so.” He muttered, looking away from me.

I placed my hands on both sides of his cheek making him look down at me. “It’s okay.” I whispered. He had been so calm and quiet about everything, that I knew he was just waiting for me to leave to break down.

He chuckled, avoiding looking at me. “I don’t want you to go. Who am I going to watch over now?” He asked me.

“Linda, dad, and yourself.” I teased him.

He rolled his eyes. “I mean who is going to watch over you? Who is going to hold you when you need someone? Whose-“I placed my finger on top of his lip, shushing him.

“I can take care of myself now, Xavier. You don’t have to worry anymore about me.” I reassured him.

I was kind of lying to him, the fact that he wasn’t going to be around me anymore, it scared me. When I actually needed someone he wasn’t going to be there, we would be a continent far away. He is probably going to forget about me and I’m probably going to be wishing I stayed.

My mom went up to us, sighing heavily. “The plane is boarding already.” She said quietly.

“I’m coming,” I told her.

She hugged Xavier kissing him on the cheek. “I love you Xavier don’t you forget that, just because your father and I didn’t work out doesn’t mean you stopped being my son. I raised you.” She cried to him.

Xavier nodded. “I love you too mom. And I know,” He stepped back and waved goodbye to her as she walked away from us.

I took in a deep breathe wrapping my arms around Xavier torso. “I’ll miss you.” I mumbled.

“I’ll miss you too. I’ll visit as soon as I graduate.” He promised me.

“And I’ll move back when I graduate,” I promised him.

We gave each other one last hug, both of us fighting the tears. I gazed at him one last time before departing from him. My bottom lip began to tremble and every step was harder to take. I wasn’t just leaving my family, I was leaving the guy I wanted to love, and the friends that meant the world to me.

That morning when I left Control asleep in the media room, my heart shattered. I had never done something so difficult before. I thought breaking up with someone was complicated, but walking away from someone who won your heart is harder. I couldn’t help but to ask myself why I did it. Why didn’t I tell mom I was going to stay here?

I stopped walking and looked over my shoulder, my dad stood next to Xavier both of them with a sullen face. I dropped my luggage on the floor and ran back to them wrapping my arms around my dad.

“Daddy I don’t want to go!” I sobbed. “You promised you wouldn’t leave me! So why did you do this, why did you let mom win.”

“Julie, I’m sorry, I know I let you down. I let your mom down as well, but do this for me go with your mom and take care of her.” He begged me. “She’s confused and worn out and I’m to blame, but princess I’m always going to be here.”

I shook my head. “I don’t want to go! I won’t go!” I yelled angrily. “I won’t lose anyone else!”

Xavier departed me from him, dragging me towards the plane. “Let go of me Xavier! I’m staying!” I cried out, wiggling in his arms.

He held me tighter against his arms as we approached the plane. “Don’t me this harder than it is Julie. Please don’t,” He whispered, a few of his tears fell on me.

I looked up to him to see his face covered in tears. From anyone in here he was the last person that wanted me to leave. He just wished to put me in a box and hide me away, I wished he would’ve,

My mom grabbed hold of me and pulled me inside the plane, Xavier stared right at me.

“Mom, please, let me stay!” I pleaded. “This isn’t what I want.”

“Stop Juliana! Sometimes we have to do things we don’t want, it’s called growing up!” She scolded me.

Xavier waved at me and he mouthed, I love you before the shut the doors in front of us blocking us from seeing each other.

***

One Year Later:

Every morning I wake up to the same dream, to the same nightmare. I awake with tears in my eyes, and heartache in my chest. Leaving everyone behind had to be the greatest impact I could take.

But not even hours, months, or a year could take these painful memories away. Nothing could make me feel better anymore. I secretly didn’t want to feel better, I wanted this to be my punishment for all the problems I did.

My mom and I began to run again the Café store here and Spain, it the only place that feels like home. I spent most of my days here, just taking orders, and watching friends and couples be happy. I wanted that to be me again.

“Ma, I’m going for a walk!” I yelled from across the Café throwing my apron over the counter.

It was winter almost two years since I left, I was graduating in June, and I wanted to keep my promise to Xavier. He kept his, when he graduated a month later he came over. He spent the entire summer here, he catch me up on things.

Demi and Enrique had turned a year in dating, Roy had gotten out of prison with parole, but he was allowed to be near Olive. And the most shocking thing he told me was Olive and Control got together, instead of being sad, I was happy, because they both found someone that wouldn’t hurt them.

For Alejandro, he was happily in love with Arianna; Xavier said that he hadn’t seen him as happy before.  He told me that he doesn’t ask about me anymore, but he wanted Xavier to tell me one thing: Keep smiling because eventually someone else will fall in love with it.

Everyone around me deserved to get what they wanted; on the other hand I deserved just the opposite. For being the girl that helped the guys break girl’s heart, I ended breaking my own. Even here in Glen High I showed them how to play the game; the play book was the only thing that kept me going. Helping guys break hearts was my own drug, my own way to deal with the ache.

The snowflakes were dropping slowly from the sky, piling up on the side walk and cars.  It had been months that I went outside for a walk. It had been awhile since I say the real meaning of life.

I took in a deep breath feeling how the cold air burned my nostrils and throat. I gaze at the people rushing to get into a warm store, or others that were just enjoying the weather. I sat on a bench in the park letting my mind wonder around, opening bittersweet memories.

A soft sobbed escaped my lips, and eventually the tears poured down my cheeks.

“Didn’t I tell you to keep smiling?” I heard someone say.

My head snapped up and Alejandro stood in front of me. “W-what are you doing here?” I stuttered.

“I came to visit an old friend,” He responded, looking down at me.

I wiped the tears away and postured myself. “How did you find me?” I questioned him.

“I ran into you on accident. I was actually going to your mom’s café.” He said, teasing me.

He hadn’t change a bit, he was still gorgeous. The only thing different about him was his smile; it seemed more vivid, more alive. He had this vibe that he exposed that was difficult to explain.

“You shouldn’t have come,” My voice cracked.

“And why is that?” He asked me. “You left me without a word. I can come here without asking you.”

I sighed. “If you came here to get the satisfaction you want than here it is!” I semi-screamed. “I’m a complete wreck!”

Alejandro took hold of me and smashed his warm lips on mine. “The only thing I wanted was to see you.” He whispered kissing me again.

My eyes opened and he wasn’t there anymore, I placed my hand over my lips crying harder. I was missing him crazily. If he really was here in front of me I wouldn’t argue with him, I wouldn’t say anything. I would just want him to hold me and say everything would be fine.

I stood up walking again, when I felt someone grab onto my hand. I stopped frozen in place.

“Can you please stop walking away from me?” He asked me.

“Your aren’t really here. You’re just in my head,” I whispered, trying to convince myself.

He chuckled softly. “I’m truly here! I’m not your imagination,” He snapped at me.

I nodded. “You are. You’re backing home with Arianna doing who know what!” I cried. “And I’m here suffering all alone.”

He pulled me into him, and his sweet scent hit my nose. “Look at me!” He ordered me.

I did what he told me. “Why are you so damn stubborn? I’m here!” He cried out.

It wasn’t the first time my mind played tricks with me. I was missing him so much that my mind found it amusing to tease me. There would be days that all I would see was Alejandro, but he wasn’t really there. Right now my brain wanted me to think he was here, but he isn’t.

“No you are not! Just stop doing this to me! I learned my fucking lesson; I left you without actually saying the truth! I lost everything for being an idiot! Now let me am in peace.” I dropped to my knees. “Please just let me be in peace.” I cried.

“Juliana!” I heard my mom scream out for me.

She ran towards me dropping by side me. I lowered my head into her chest sobbing, I wanted everything to stop. I felt like any moment now my head would explode and I’ll turn crazy.

“Make it stop mom! Please,” I cried to her. “Make him leave me alone already,”

“You’re just tired Juliana! That’s all, babygirl” She whispered in my ear.

“I can’t bear with the heart-ache. It’s killing me” I whispered. “It’s killing me mom.”

**

I awoke back in my bed; my mom was sleeping right beside me her hand wrapped around me tightly. I took her hand off me and covered her with the blanket. She had to call my cousin Jaime to come get me after I refused to get up. He took me home and gave me a relaxant, he told my mom I was under a lot of stress, but that wasn’t it. I was losing hope in everything, especially in myself.

“Well not even relaxant help you.” He said as he finished washing the dishes.

“I thought maybe by now you would now that!” I smirked at him.

He chuckles. “How are you feeling?” He asked me, quietly.

I shrugged. “How am I supposed to feel?” I asked him.

“You’re eighteen! You’re supposed to be having fun and doing crazy stuff instead your stuck in here killing yourself!” He growled angrily at me.

I poured hot water in a cup and put a spoonful of lemon tea. “My mom tore me apart from my life. There is no way I’m ever going to be the same.” I informed him.

He sighed. “It’s been almost two years Juliana; you can at least try to start a new life here

I sipped some of my tea agreeing with him. “I’ll try.” I lied.

We both knew I wouldn’t but the thought was what mattered. Jaime wanted me to feel better and I wanted him to stop asking me questions, this way we both win. He placed a bowl of porridge in front of me, forcing me to eat.

The only thing good about moving here was I Jaime reminded me of Xavier; he was always making sure I was oaky. And when I wasn’t he would make me feel better, he was one of the few people that actually made me feel okay.

“What if I don’t eat it?” I asked him.

“You won’t get cheesecake,” He smiled evilly.

My eyes nearly popped out of my eyes. “You made cheesecake?” I asked him, impatiently.

Jaime made deliciously cheesecakes; they had to be the best. “Yeah, and I Made one for you but if you don’t eat you won’t get anything!” He said firmly.

I stuffed my mouth with porridge eating it as fast as I could. He kept laughing at me every time I had to chug down water. When I was almost done the phone began to ring. I finished the last drop of porridge before running to answer the phone.

“I got it!” I told Jaime. “Hello?”

A shaken voice spoke through the other line. I heard them say my name but the rest was just gibberish, I couldn’t tell what they were saying.

“I’m sorry I can’t understand you.” I said nicely.

“Juliana you have to come home quick!” I still couldn’t understand who it was.

“If this is a joke you are idiots!” I yelled, angrily.

I heard some noise on the background. “Juliana its Linda!”

“What happened?” I asked her.

“Julie you and your mom have to come over here!” She cried from the other line.

“Why?” I questioned her worriedly.

“Because Mindy and Greg had an accident. Greg is dead and Mindy is dying!” She spoke clearly and loudly over the phone.

Jaime stared at me as I dropped the phone on the floor.

**

And that’s how I’ll leave it!

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