The Guy Who Gave Up His Jersey(29)
I felt as a hot wind hit my neck causing chills to go down my spine, I twisted my body around and a pair of warm lips landed on my eye. I groan quietly opening my right eye, Ale laid next to me, legs in between mine, and arms around my waist.
Last night events flashed back in my head and a lough sigh escaped my lips. It wasn’t a bad dream, Mindy did die, and Ale was suffering. For once, I wish when I go through something bad just turns out to be a bad dream.
“I know you’re awake,” I spoke, clearing my throat when it cracked.
Ale opened one of his eye’s and looked at me, before shutting it close again. “Can you leave me here to die?” He asked me, quietly.
“Nope, because than I would have to die with you,” I responded running my fingers through his black hair.
He sighed. “Why does this feel so unreal? It doesn’t even feel like she’s gone and you’re here.” He whispered touching my cheek with his warm fingertips.
I knew how he felt, this entire thing felt fake, almost as if time had stopped and made everything go slow. I had dreamt so many nights having Ale in my arms and now that I do, it doesn’t feel real. Why did Mindy have to die for us to be with one another?
“How did you know I was here?” He questioned me.
“I didn’t. I was hoping you would be here and to my surprise you were. You passed out on her bed.” I replied.
After I had made sure he was okay and not hurt, I sat there crying. Last night was when it finally sink in that this was happening, Mindy had died, and my parents were actually divorce. The reality of my surroundings finally made sense to me, I no longer had to keep feeling the agony of pretending this wasn’t real, because it was. My life had changed and I accepted it.
I had laid down next to him, waiting for him to wake up again but I knocked out as well. You could see we had finally slept in the same bed as one another.
He turns around facing towards the ceiling. “It’s weird, how she always tried to keep us together.” I heard him say. “She always wanted me and you to be a couple, but that never happened.”
“Mindy, Mindy was crazy, she always wanted to put people together even when they didn’t belong with each other.” I whispered, closing my eyes for a second.
“Do you think we belong together?” He questioned me suddenly.
The question was bound to pop up eventually, but I didn’t think it would be this soon. I didn’t have time to actually process it well and know what I wanted. Ale, he was special, no doubt he made an impact on my life. But the question that bothered me was, did I want him because I missed someone annoying me? Was what I wanted Lust or love?
“I don’t know,” I mumbled. “I really don’t know,”
He nodded. “Good because at this point I don’t know either,” I watched him as he got up and walked out the room.
I followed him, making him stop in the hallway. “What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked him, trying to hide the concern on my face.
He gazed at me shrugging. “That I don’t know if I love you anymore.”
When he said those words, my heart cracked, this ache dominated me immediately. Wasn’t this what I always wanted, for him not to love me? Finally, I got what I wanted, but it really wasn’t what I needed to hear right now.
“Are you in love with Arianna?” I said disgustedly.
He stayed quiet not saying anything.
“You’re in love with her.” I scoffed. “You actually love her!”
“She is my girlfriend. I’m supposed to love her.” He responded.
I opened my mouth to say something, but instead I ran down the stairs. He was in love with Arianna, he actually loved her. That’s why she didn’t want me around, because she’s scared I’m going to take her away from him, but I can’t. I won’t, the way he said he loved her, and he meant it. I couldn’t expect to come here and think he would still feel the same, it doesn’t work like that.
“Juliana!” He screamed my name. “Wait!”
I looked up to him waiting for him to say something. “Don’t leave, please.” He pleaded.
“Call Arianna, she’ll be more help than I will be.” I snapped, storming out the house.
When I arrived home everyone was there, the guys and the girls. Xavier and Linda stared at me when I slammed the keys on the coffee table. Demi and Olive peeked out of the kitchen with a cup of coffee in their hand.
“You okay?” Xavier asked me, touching my shoulder.
I pushed him away from me. “Leave me alone,” I snapped at him.
Gabriela stepped in the hall, giving me a look. Why did they have to gather at my house? Right now, all I wanted was to be alone, I was hurt and angry, and I didn’t want to have people around me.
“What’s wrong?” Linda asked me.
I glared at her. “Nothing!” I screamed.
Control stepped out behind Olive, when I saw them together that made the ache even worse. He kept his eyes on me, everyone did. They were all wondering what was wrong with me.
Just having Control in the same room again, made me want to go up to him and hug him. I wanted to him to have that worry concern on his face, and hug me tight. But instead he just kept his eyes on me, shocked to see me again.
“Hey you need to calm down, Juliana” I heard Controls soft calm voice.
“No! I will not fucking calm down! Not anymore, I will not stand another fucking night killing myself!” I shrieked angrily at them.
“I refused to go back to my room and cry asleep once again! You were mine, he was mine!” I yelled at Olive’s face. “You had no damn right taking him away from me! He was with me, he loved me!” I cried.
Olive kept her eyes at me, staring at me crazily. “What the fuck has gotten into you?” She asked me.
Gabriela stepped up to me and hugged me, I broke down in her arms as old memories rushed back into me. I wanted to go back home, back to Spain, and I never wanted to come back. My life will never be the same, and I should’ve known that.
Mindy was gone, dead, and she was the only one who would understand me. She was the only one who knew what I needed to do, she knew how to make me feel better.
“You’re exhausted, that’s why you don’t feel like yourself.” She whispered in my ear.
“No, I’m tired; I’m tired of seeing everything I once hold dearly slip out of my fingers. I’m done,” I muttered, departing from her.
They all stared at me waiting for me to do something else. I wiped my tears away and left to the back of the house. I heard someone say my name but I didn’t bother to pay attention, I wanted to be alone.
“Hey, I’m talking to you!” Control yelled angrily at me, grabbing on to my hand.
“Leave me alone!” I responded, trying to pull my hand away from his grip.
“No, what’s going on?” He asked me picking up my chin with his thumb.
I avoid trying to make eye contact with him; I didn’t want him to see me crying like this. I rather have him angry at me, than concern. That way he would leave me alone and I could cry in peace.
“I don’t want you around me, please.” I whispered.
“Please just-“ He slammed me against his chest, hugging me tightly.
He sighed over me, I wanted to push away but I didn’t. I stood there wrapping my hands around his torso I burst into tears. I just wanted someone to hold me and tell me they know I am not okay.
“It’s okay to stop fighting.” He said suddenly. “I don’t expect you to be wonder woman, because you aren’t,”
That only made me cry even harder, al this time I tried telling myself, crying wasn’t an option anymore. I was stronger than this but truly I wasn’t. I was fragile but it wasn’t my fault, the obstacles that were thrown at me were above my superior. They were task I wasn’t prepared for.
“He doesn’t love me anymore,” I whispered to him. “He is in love with Arianna,”
He looked down at me and chuckled. “You’re hurt, is that why you’re upset?” He questioned me.
I shook my head. “My best friend just died, I have the right to be upset.” I snapped at him.
He nodded. “I don’t blame you, but what you’re feeling is hurt Julie, why?” He questioned me. “I thought you didn’t like Ale?”
“I don’t. It just everything is piled on top of me and I can’t breathe! And- and my life is a complete wreck!” I yelled hysterically.
“Why can’t things be the same! Why?”
He wiped the tears that kept streaming down my face with his sleeve. “Baby, life changes and it’s never going to be the same. But it’s okay to be broken.” He replied. “Everything happens for a reason,”
Everything happens for a reason, why was everyone saying that. Everything happens for a reason, well I don’t know that reason, and I want to know. Everyone else seems fine but every time it’s me who’s falling apart, it’s me who keep suffering.
I stepped back from Control looking up at the sky. You wanted to leave now, when I needed you the most. You just couldn’t keep fighting, Mindy. Control looks at me solemnly.
“I have to go.” I told him, fixing my hair into a messy bun.
“You can’t go anywhere; you’re not in the right mind.” He assured me, stopping me from leaving.
I pushed him away from me. “I never was in the right mind, why start giving a damn about me, go run back to Olive.” I growled
Xavier and Linda rushed out the house. Xavier glared furiously at me, he wasn’t in the mood to deal with me, but I didn’t care. I didn’t need any of them to worry about me! I didn’t need anyone.
“I don’t know what the hell has gotten into you but you have lost you need to calm down!” He screamed at my face.
“You don’t have to worry about me! No one has to bother worrying about me! I don’t need you!” I cried out. “I don’t need you, I don’t need any of you!”
I pushed him out of my way and stormed out the house, pushing Olive to the floor. Demi ran after me, she slammed my body against my car, pinning me down.
“Let me go!” I squirmed around.
She raises her hand and slaps me across the face.
“Snap at of it Julie!” She said. “You aren’t thinking at all.”
I slide down to the ground, digging my face in my knees. My head was spinning, as hard as I tried to fix things, I only made them worse. I should’ve never stayed with Ale, I should’ve came home and convince myself he was okay.
“I’m sorry.” I stuttered. “I’m sorry!”
Demi wrapped her arms around me soothing me. “I didn’t want to slap you but I didn’t know how to calm you down.” She said to me.
“I need to sleep,” I told her.
“I know you do, you look tired.”
Xavier hovered over us and without a word he swooped me up into his arms. I rested my head on his chest drifting to sleep.
“Xavier,” I mumbled his name.
“I’m sorry.” I apologized.
“I know you are, we all are.” He said as he placed me in my bed.
Xavier held me against his body as we all watched as they lowered Mindy’s casket. Yesterday was a blur to me, half of things I said I couldn’t even remember. Linda said I was under a lot of pressure.
This morning I woke up to everyone already dressed, a part of me begged me to stay home. I wasn’t ready to watch Mindy leave, I wanted her to stay with me forever, and watching them drop her casket only made things worse.
Cindy sobbed with her husband, and Ale stood there with Arianna, just watching the casket. His eyes showed pure sadness, he needed someone to hug him tightly, but I wasn’t that girl.
“You want to go drop your rose?” Xavier said snapping me out of my thoughts.
I glanced at him and nodded. I departed from him walking slowly to her casket, I looked down at the six-inch hole that she was now placed in. My stomach turned into a knot.
You made me promise you, I would give Ale a chance. I promised you I was going to love him somehow, but that’s too late. He loves someone else and I can’t do anything about it. I don’t break promises but I hope you know I would’ve tried, I would’ve tried loving him as much as I could. I know I’m not alone; somewhere you’re looking down at me, protecting me. And you’re probably causing trouble up there with Greg. I’ll see one day, I’ll see you when my time comes. But for now goodbye Mindy, I’ll miss you.
The white rose fell slowly from my hand, landing perfectly straight on top of her casket. I’ll really will miss you. I walked past everyone and made my way towards the car. I had seen enough, my stay here was already paid for.
“Where are you going?” Xavier asked me.
“To the car.” I lied.
He nodded and paid back attention to the ceremony. I kept walking past the cars and the graves until I made it to the gates of the cemetery. From where I was standing I could see Ale, and he was staring right at me.
He was the guy who gave up his jersey; he gave it up for me. And I gave up my heart, to finally try to love him, but that wasn’t going to happen. He no longer belonged to me, he never did. I had my chance and I blew it, he moved on and I had to the same.
Giving him one last look, I walked off. I didn’t tell mom I was leaving back to Spain, I didn’t tell anyone. I wanted to leave this time without saying goodbye, that way it won’t hurt me. Everyone here was happy and I didn’t belong here anymore. This wasn’t my home.
I placed my hands in my sweater and kept walking, by the time they realized I wasn’t there, I would be far gone. I stopped walking taking off my heels and holding them in my hand. The freezing concrete hurt my feet but I ignored it and kept walking.
A black motorcycle pulled up to me and Enrique threw a helmet at me.
“I’ll take you to the airport.” He said.
I didn’t tell him anything.
“I won’t tell them you left,” He promised me.
I sat behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist. I should’ve been scared to be on a motorcycle, but if I would die right now, I wouldn’t regret anything. I would no longer leave with regret.
“So you’re not saying anymore?” Enrique asked me quietly.
“No. I’m leaving.” I responded.
“And when are you coming back?” He questioned me.
“I don’t plan on coming back.” I whispered, handing him his helmet.
Since that day, the old me died, and a new me was born. I no longer cried for Alejandro Rodriquez, or any other guy. I started my new life and no one was in it.
So I kind of lied. This is the ending!;) Muahahahahaa the agony I know!
Just kidding! Its actually the semi-ending. I’m cutting the story short. I’ll leave it like this for now! The next chapter is the last. So it’s not the end, and many things could happen!!
I WILL NOT TELL YOU WHEN THE LAST CHAPTER WILL BE POSTED, I’LL SURPIRSE YOU ALL, BUT VOTE. I HAVE MY SURPIRSE FOR ALL OF YOU;))