Chapter 28 - Unraveling the mess
CHAPTER 28 - UNRAVELING THE MESS
I was beside Eric's car, waiting for him to come out, so that, as agreed, we could head to the café and do a little brainstorming about the fairy tale.
Uncontrollably, my fingers grazed my lips, those same lips Kyle kissed just a few hours ago ... I didn't need to look at myself in the mirror, I knew I was smiling like an idiot, reliving in my mind every single second of it.
That I moaned another name doesn't mean anything. Just that I was confused because I ended up thinking about my very first kiss, the one Eric gave me just last week.
But I'm going out with Kyle tonight and I couldn't be happier about it. Really. It's my dream come true after all, isn't it? For years I've wanted this chance and now I have it. Finally.
"What do you want?" A harsh voice interrupted my thoughts and I looked up to see a menacing Eric staring down at me. Cold drops of sweat ran down my spine as my mind uncontrollably warned me that nobody was left on the school's property and we were absolutely alone and he looked so mad for who knows what reason and ...
"I asked you a question." He remarked.
Gulping down my saliva, I replied, well, more like stammered: "I-I ... w-we n-need to ... w-work on ... on the project ..."
His icy blue eyes were digging a hole in my head and I felt uncomfortable and ... well, kind of felt like running away as well, but I stood my ground.
I don't understand him. I honestly don't understand him. One moment he's almost gentle, the other he barks against me so violently that I feel like cowering in fear.
What the heck is wrong with him? Just last week he kissed me. Then disappeared. Then saved me from a possible adduction (or worse). Then he disappears again. Now he's the usual jackass. I really don't understand him and it ... saddens me, because right when I think I can talk to him normally, without stammering, right when I think we might be somewhat friends, then he acts like that and my old fears show up again and the only impulse I have is to flee.
Sadly, my heart dropped when he spat: "I have better things to do than waste my time with you, nerd."
Goes to prove my point. We've never been anything to each other. The kiss meant nothing. Our peaceful afternoons as he helped me with Math meant nothing. His being gentle meant nothing. Nothing. I mean nothing to him. I never have. And he says he cares ... well, if he cared, he'd know it hurts to feel like he hates me. I know it shouldn't, but it does, because I thought we could build a real friendship at least, despite everything, but then he acts like that and is so mean ...
Guess I couldn't expect else from him, and yet, uncontrollably, my eyes filled with tears, which is odd, because I don't cry for so little, but I was barely able to keep them as I spoke: "O-ok, I ... then ... see you on Monday." I didn't give him time to reply, just moved away from him, that thought I'd been harping on when I got to be closer to him slowly fading, that thought about that lovely little boy who'd smiled so sweetly at me back in fourth grade still being somewhere deep down this bad boy, but I guess I was wrong. Just because he was kind for a while, doesn't mean he always is.
I sighed, walking on my way home, but I'd made just some steps that I was yanked back, a strong hand gripping my arm. When I turned around, tears in my eyes, Eric looked ... sorry. I glanced at his hand on my arm and, like he'd just realized that too, he let me go then inhaled deeply.
"I ... didn't mean to be so rude ..." He commented, grazing the back of his neck.
I simply nodded, not really knowing what to say. "It's ok. I get it." I agreed, moving away, but he grabbed my hand, making me freeze in my spot, especially as he, for a moment, just for a moment, squeezed it before releasing it.
"Natalie, I ..."
I don't know why I said it, but when I realized I had, it was too late: "If it's because of the other day that you're mad at me ... don't worry. I've forgotten already." That was a big fat lie, because I haven't forgotten his lips on mine at all, but I guess that since he kissed me without really wanting it, he was now mad at me for ... pushing him? Yeah, it doesn't make any sense, I know, but really I have no idea how could I explain it otherwise.
Eric looked baffled, though. "Mad? Why ... why should I be mad at you?"
I shrugged as he asked that. "I don't know ... I guess you didn't really mean to kiss me the other day and now you think I expect who knows what from you, but ..."
I was cut off. By his lips. On mine. Once again. Ok, what's with boys kissing me senseless today? But this time it was different. It felt just as annihilating and addicting and intoxicating as the other day, no, even more, because this time it wasn't just a peck on the lips, Eric was kissing me for real, his tongue even slid inside my mouth, starting to dance a very arousing tango with my own.
Soon enough, my hands were in his hair and his were on my hips as he growled, calling my name so sensually low ... we ended up leaning on his passenger door, lost in our kiss. Oddly enough, with Kyle it wasn't that intense.
Eventually, I had to pull back, but only because I needed to breathe, yet I was eager to just catch some breath and then unite my lips with his once more.
Eric seemed to think the same, because he smiled lightly, pulling a hair lock behind my ear, then kissed me once more, his lips soon trailing kisses from my cheek to my jaw and eventually to my neck, making me moan his name, breathlessly but pleasurably.
Something inside me was trying to warn me, telling me that kiss meant more than a just a make out session, with that kiss he was taking something that, by being his, was harmful for me, but that something inside me had a too low voice and I could barely hear it even in its screaming, therefore I let Eric blow my mind away with his nibbling on my neck.
"Natalie ..." He groaned sensually, to which I better gripped his hair, probably hurting him, but he didn't mind, I think, especially since his grip on me tightened.
"Eric ..." I moaned, feeling Goosebumps when one of his hands slipped beneath my shirt. I felt powerless. I was at his mercy and yet every time our tongues found each other again, they were dancing in perfect sync.
His lips were going to and fro from mine to my neck and every time they touched my sensitive skin, they were joined by tongue and teeth as he nipped and sucked and ... oh, my God, voluntarily or not, he was giving me a hickey! Eric was giving me a damn hickey! And I couldn't, well, didn't really want to stop him!
I moaned louder as he bit lightly harder and my fingers tugged deeper at his hair, making him growl. "Eric ... Eric, I ... I ..." I was breathing heavily and my hands fell down to grab his shirt because it was getting too hard to keep reasoning ... well, ok, I wasn't reasoning at all but ... well, understand me, I had this hot and sexy bad boy all over me and I had no idea how but neither will of pushing him away, even if deep down I knew I should have.
After all, only a few hours before I accepted to go out with Kyle and now here I was, making out with his nemesis! Yet I couldn't pull back ... I just couldn't.
It felt even more intense than my dream and, believe me, for a moment I did have the urge to pinch my arm and see if I wasn't dreaming this time too, but I let it go, because I couldn't even put together two and two, imagine act reasonably.
Eric was, with his kissing and caressing and nipping, taking something of me, something deep inside that I shouldn't have let him take, something that would give him the upper hand to break me.
And yet I was almost willing to give him that. Because, among all of that confusion, there was this glimmer of light ... this glimmer of light that finally unraveled the mess that was my mind.
When his lips left my neck, I felt it all tingly, like thousands of mosquitoes had made of me their lunch, but Eric didn't give me time to take in the slight pain because once again his lips crushed on mine, more and more passionately, to the point that now we were glued to each other and both his hands were cupping my cheeks, tightly enough to tell me he had no intention of letting me go, not soon anyway.
Eventually, he pulled back, breathing heavily, just as I was, his hands still on my cheeks, lips a mere inch from mine, forehead leaning on mine as well. He closed his eyes for a moment, swallowing, voice low and sensual as he spoke: "I'm sorry." He inhaled deeply, letting me feel his hot peppermint breath hitting my jaw. "I shouldn't have. I know I shouldn't have, but ..." He pecked my lips and I couldn't help but lean in to feel more. "Natalie, I ..." He sighed.
I closed my eyes, trying to calm down my heart. I knew what he meant. And you know what, it hurt. Yes, I said it. It hurt. Because if he had stopped in time, maybe I could have still gripped that something inside me, that something that was traveling to him and it scared me. Because, of this I am sure, he didn't want that something. He didn't want me. All of this was just instinct. No more than that.
"It's ok, Eric." I mumbled. "It's ok, if ..." It's ok if you kissed me just out of impulse, it's ok if this was nothing to you, it's ok if ... no, it's not ok, not at all.
With just one kiss he'd gripped my heart and ... and I felt like I couldn't breathe because my mind was all hazy and my heart was racing like a fool and I'm pretty sure my cheeks were enflamed and ... he pecked my lips once again and I leaned in more, lingering in that kiss, making him smile.
He grazed my neck, which should have felt a bit painful, because of that sting on my skin, but instead it felt soothing, like only his touch could relieve me and ... my God, I couldn't even grasp my own thoughts!
Eric cracked a very light smile that I could only mirror, even if absolutely unsure of why, but then his eyes landed on the marked skin on my neck, with which his fingers were playing and his smile faded. "It's ... it's gonna be gone in a couple of days." He assured me, to which I nodded lightly. He inhaled deeply. "I ... I'm sorry." He repeated, so I shook my head. He shouldn't be sorry for it, because ... I have no idea why, but he shouldn't be sorry.
This ... all of this is insane, though, because he hates me, well, had always acted like he did, and yet he ... he kisses me, repeatedly, and always so passionately, and he's even given me a hickey now and ... and, God, he was still there, holding me, keeping me glued to him like he couldn't do else!
Eric closed his eyes for a moment, inhaling deeply. Actually, I've never seen him like this, he's never this ... well, whatever this is. Yet his hands, his lips kept searching the contact with my skin and I couldn't deny it because it felt ... well, good, even if it shouldn't.
Eventually, he spoke, in a tone that to me sounded forcedly calm: "I guess I should let you go now ..." I wanted to say no, that he didn't have to, he shouldn't, because I felt good in his arms and I didn't want him to let me go because I would feel ... empty. Why? I don't know! Unconsciously, my grip on him tightened and he felt it, therefore swallowed.
"I can only hurt you." He mumbled, lips brushing mine, like he needed contact with them but didn't dare touch them fully.
I closed my eyes, conscious that at the pace my heart was keeping, I was on the verge of passing out or something of the sort. Yet I didn't want him to leave! I have no idea why but I didn't want him to let me go!
Uncontrollably, a tear streaked my cheek at the thought of him leaving and I immediately felt his lips on that same spot.
"Please, don't." Eric almost begged. "Don't ..." He sighed, closing his eyes. "Natalie, I don't deserve your tears. I ..." He pulled back, causing something to, oddly, break inside me, because I needed his touch ... for some absurd reason I needed, needed his touch so badly!
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have ..." He cursed, tormenting his hair.
I inhaled deeply, holding back the tears that were prickling behind my eyes as I crossed my arms, trying to protect myself because, suddenly, out of the blue, I felt not just powerless, but broken ... broken because he'd annihilated my every ounce of strength with those kisses and I ... no, no, no, I can't feel, no ... I've just reached my goal, Kyle kissed me and even asked me out, I can't ... had to take another deep breath before I could be able to talk without giving away my emotions.
Eventually, I nodded, slipping away as I put some more distance between us, as, something inside me warned, I should have done since the beginning.
Arms still crossed, I nodded once more, swallowing and trying desperately to hold back my tears, wanting to assure him it was all ok,that he didn't have to think I wanted more,because I didn't,I understood it was just...a pastime for him.
Yet all I managed to say before running away was: "Bye, Eric."