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XBFF

My first story “Kidnapped back home” was a success. It had over 1500 readers on Wattpad. This surprised me as I never did consider myself a writer plus it was not a fantasy story, a love story or fanfiction. I wanted to write a new story. Once again I had things in my mind that I needed to express. I needed to put them in written words.

I should mention that I wrote about 10 stories on Wattpad, but the last story I wrote there called “Accused” was obviously too much for them. My account was shut down. Even when I begged for a chance, and offered to delete the story, they said I was not welcome there. This confused me until a friend told me that some of my stories can be sad because they are written about children, and in some ways, they can reflect on what happens in reality, which would offend some people.

I am glad I found this site.

I think it is important to discuss some things that can be hard in real life. It is important that we can see where people are not respected or understood. It is important to know how some people suffer or are abused. There should be no censorship. Some stories should make people aware and make them think.

This is one reason why I wrote “XBFF”. I advise you to look at my stories under my profile to read the story before you read my following thoughts about the story.

The story is about two teenage friends. They are very different from each other and yet best friends. This friendship is challenged when one friend admits that he is gay. This causes a lot of reflection and social pressure that questions if there should be a friendship. The boy that is not gay considers being gay wrong and a sin. He cannot accept that his friend is gay. He is afraid others will think that he is gay if he is friends with the boy.

The inspiration from the story comes from my childhood. I looked very feminine as a child and it did not help that I hated doing sports. I also spoke with a high pitched voice. I was teased and accused of being gay because of all this. Things became worse when I was seen sitting on a bench one day with a friend. Somehow this was proof that I was gay. This is something I do not understand until this day. When others teased me that I was gay, I ignored it and did not react to it.

However, under the surface, I was in turmoil and so sad. I was abused since I was 11. The short version of this was that I basically had a pimp that took pictures of me and rented me out. This meant that I did gay things. As I child, I always thought it was my fault. I could have said no. I did not know the power and the control that man had over me. This was the secret part of me. My family or friends did not know about the abuse. It was my secret. I knew that it was also wrong and a sin, but I blamed myself and did not have a lot of self-esteem.

This stage of my life was confusing. I wondered if I was gay. It was emotional torture. Why did I never say no? At times my body would even like it while my mind would be in turmoil. It was only years later that I could see that it was not my fault. I was used and abused, and vulnerable.

This was, of course, decades ago. It was more forbidden to be gay and a serious sin if you were Catholic. The confusing part for me is that I knew it was abuse, and yet at times I liked the attention and at times my body even like it. The problem was in my mind and the guilt I had.

I remember when I studied to be a priest and we had to have a shrink evaluation. One of the results was that it said I had homosexual tendencies. I was so defensive and mad when I was told this. It could not be true! What would people think?

This confusion and guilt on being gay was the inspiration for writing XBFF.

The fact that I used two teen boys makes it a “coming of age” story. The two boys are confronted with a dilemma, that is far different from the problems they had as children. They are confronted with the idea of being homosexual.

Now if you didn’t read the story, there may be spoilers now...

The thing about XBFF is that it is not original. A similar thing could have happened with so many teens. When one discovers what sexual orientation they have, there is so much confusion. This is even if the person is straight. It’s a huge step to see girls in another way. It’s so hard to know what to say to them and of course, we must look our best.

Imagine the confusion if a teen found out he was gay. It is a huge secret that he could have if he stays in the closet. He could be asking himself why has he feelings towards other boys. If he comes from a religious background, then he could have guilt and shame. The worse is that he will always be careful to hide this side of him, and hope others do not find out.

XBFF is about the gift of friendship and how important it is. It is about a boy telling his friend that he is gay. This pushes the friendship to its limits. The main thing we can see is that fear takes over. The “straight” friend judges his best friend because he revealed he is gay and is afraid that he will get the same “disease”. He is also afraid of what others will say if they found out that he is friends with a gay person.

What the gay friend needs are someone to open up with and to tell his deepest secret. He does not need to be judged or shunned away! He needs someone to understand him and accept him for who he is.

This is what is needed in society. Gay people do not hurt each other. They simply are attracted to the person of the same sex, and it is adult and consensual.

The world would be a better place if we did not judge each other.

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