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It can become tough...living can become quite the struggle.Can I ever escape this cycle...can I also live for the future thinking that there is something worth struggling for...can I wholeheartedly love something? Can I find my way out of this all by myself?I just wanted someone beside me at all times to just stay with me..or is it my problem alone. I really want to end it now..I am tired of this already..please let me end this already..please let me end this cycle of self loathing.

Other / Romance
Haber Klistrao
4.8 5 reviews
Age Rating:


He calmly wore the overcoat hanging behind the main door as if he were enacting a detective scene and opened the door to make his theatrical exit,then turned the lights off and turned them back on in a jiffy to check whether everything seemed alright with his threatening gaze.Satisfied with his room and specifically his mailbox right beside his door, he then turned them back off and quietly locked the main door and scurried downstairs,all the while trying his absolute hardest to avoid coming in contact with the two ladies living in the floor directly below Ein,who never stopped talking to him about the terrible apartment conditions when they accidentally met on the day of the apartment meeting ,were complaining about their problems or so it seemed,not that it should have mattered to him, in the corridor of the newly built 3 storied apartment.

“That guy in my job keeps hitting on me as if i were an easy woman,I wonder if I should shut him up for good?“, criticised the neighbour who lived directly below Ein.

“Hah! That’s all they do.That guy never learns does he? You better shut him for good this time.It can get quite tedious later on,Sheila.That’s why I repeatedly tell you show that you are having the upper hand.Jeez.“,replied the neighbour who lived directly beside Sheila,as if she were a dating guru.

“Stop playing the dating game if you are so bothered with it,you hags.“,mumbled Ein to himself,now hurrying downstairs with his usual empty eyes, all the while regretting the fact that he overheard them and tried his best to conceal his presence like weak prey do when in face of monsters. After successfully making his way out of the apartment without coming in contact with anyone, he took to the freshly painted wall beside the stairs as support and took a deep breath as he tried to catch his breath because he unnecessarily hopped his way down, tacitly skipping more than 3 stairs at once. The stairs were a few centimeters taller than the normal height,making it a tedious task to climb them but making it easier to come downstairs. “Your stench never ceases to irk me,what a splendid job you are doing my son.“,grumbled Ein taking his frustration out on the quiet wall which never spoke back.

It was a quite winter evening,the sun had set early because there was no major role assigned to it due to it being winter,with the wind blowing in a gentle manner at ones face as if caressing them,a day suitable for idle self-criticism by idly sitting on the bench of the old park right beside the newly evicted 3 storied apartment.Well,it is situated a few feet beside the apartment,in the middle of which stood the road which connected the back alleys to the popular Picture street. Ein had moved in to the apartment situated right behind Picture street only 4 months ago and had already grown sick of it.The street was always bustling with people,though the place was more popular among college students due to the overflowing amount of entertainment buildings,which the street was known for.Seeing the college students,the same age as him,loitering around aimlessly all the while smiling as if to show the world that they were enjoying their youth made Ein sick to his stomach,which made him name the street as,“The street of superficial smiles.“.Another major factor that added to the popularity of the street was the seaside road, The Sea strait,which always had a calming feel to it and was the go-to site for pictures.Today however,the street was surprisingly empty,maybe because of the upcoming new year party as they were busy making preparations for the inhabitants of picture street to waste themselves on rounds and such,with only a few people scattered on the right side of the generally packed Picture street,while the sea was situated on the left side.There were many benches placed along the wide footpath beside the railings where you usually find old men and young couples making cliche promises and behind the benches were the tall cedar trees healing the souls of those who took shelter under it. Now treading along the very road,Ein stopped at the sight of the moon reflecting on the gentle waters.He bent over the railings and placed his elbows on the railings and rested his chin on the palm of his left hand with the right arm tucked into the gap between his left forearm and left arm,bearing a grim expression, with his empty eyes lost in the sea but in reality his black eyeballs were fixed on the reflection of the moon on the clear,soothing water.His silky,pitch black hair rode the pleasant breeze,as if it were giving the breeze the privilege of looking at his long,worn out face with faint bags under his eyes. Ein’s 5 ft 8′ long body followed suit in a curled up manner as if striking a pose,all the while when Ein was unaware of his model like pose.He had dressed himself in rather plain fashion considering his visit to that person’s place in quite some time,with a full sleeved white shirt and some lightly baggy blue jeans and he had his favorite black crocs on which he bought in a sale owing to its ease of use.

“The only thing fools tend to engage in is trivial gatherings where they waste themselves on rounds and play pretend and I am a bigger fool for thinking about their lives.“..grumbled Ein to himself as he wore an blank expression, utterly devoid of any emotion.

“Go kill your liver and drink till you drop dead in your stupid ‘End of the year’ gathering party.Who celebrates such a stupid thing when you people just happened to go the same college and just happened to be in the same class.It was all chance, they could have been in another class and could have ended up in different colleges even,would they still be glad to celebrate such mindless parties I wonder?...that’s not quite right...they celebrate it BECAUSE they happened to meet don’t they?...or at least that’s what I want to believe, it’s probably just some singles’ mixer anyways.I wonder if there were others who didn’t receive any invitation like me ...and they just HAD to make it a letter on top of that...anyways none of it matters,I will be leaving the college in another 3 months!. Well,works for me anyways because I have some interesting movies lined up for today’s movie marathon at his place.“exclaimed Ein as he chose to forget the fact that he hadn’t been invited to it but naturally wondering what the reason may be.

After ten minutes of dejected silence, he looked at his wristwatch,a white, tough looking militray style digital watch, which said, “7:03 p.m. 28th December, Saturday.”

“Not good...I am going to be at least 30 minutes late to Miserio’s place.He is definitely going to kill me this time..the last time I was only 15 minutes late to the movie marathon and he almost broke my hand..he never gives any thought to things like restraint...that overpowered monster.“said Ein now standing with his arms crossed and leaning against the railing facing away from the sea towards the many shops on the other side,cooking up some excuses to offer to the demon for being late to their rare meeting, even though he knew full well that Miserio probably wouldn’t buy any of them.As he was walking along the road with both his hands still crossed and thinking of possible explanations to evade the beating,his phone rang, waking him up from his thoughtful stance.

“Er..Ein..just where are you?”

“Crap..no good..he is onto me already...“thought Ein to himself,with a face suited to someone facing a monster,full of fear.

“Um..I’m pretty sure you are somewhere near your home right now.Am i wrong Ein?”

“..Um....my food got burnt because i was too busy listening to new music by Twisted Criminals so I was very busy cleaning the...ah never mind I just overslept man,sorry I am on my way right now.I will be there in no time.”

“Thank god.I thought you would have a tough time going back.”

“Eh what? Are you not feeling well?”

“No.The thing is,my team mate from my business group in my college said he was holding a meeting to discuss about the new project we were assigned and we would go have a bite somewhere later, so I had no choice but to agree because of the project.So i guess today’s plan we will have to cancel today’s movie marathon.We can do it after our exams are over right?Sorry about the sudden change.”

Ein looked up at the gorgeous night sky.With a slight grin,perhaps out of disappointment, in his face ,as if he were expecting it to happen. Trying to act cheerful he replied ;

“Too bad.Tough luck.Hope you can get your work done.I will do something to kill time which i am in abundance of as usual.It doesn’t really make that big of a difference anyways.Focus on your future i guess.Later”

“Thank you.Let’s have the marathon after our exams then, you better be prepared ’coz I won’t let you sleep.Later.”

The call was over and Ein’s hand dropped.Now looking at the pavement with woeful eyes he started to make his way back to his apartment.With both his hands deeply rooted into the pockets of his overcoat,desperately searching for warmth, he then slightly tilted his head towards the sea as he walked along the railings on the footpath and thought to himself;

“Business meeting...yeah right, so suddenly at the last moment someone randomly decides to hold it exactly at the time when i’m supposed to come there, that’s some college he got into or who knows...maybe that’s exactly how it is...I can’t just decide without proof for neither I am not a psychic nor some incredibly intelligent person.I have to find out for myself later...I mean it’s my fault for being so indecisive and cowardly.” and gently smiled at the moon.

Ein made his way back to his apartment.Now standing before the main gate of his apartment he saw a nameplate to the right of the large gate,on the wall, which read “Lily Quarters”.On reading the nameplate a sense of hopelessness arose from his gut rising all the way to the top.

“I wasn’t out for long eh.” said Ein with a pained smile as if he were talking to a family member awaiting his return.He quickly glanced around him and saw that the park was totally empty.It was as empty as it had been when he left for Miserio’s place.He looked at his watch and it showed that the time was 7:33 p.m.

“That call and its aftermath surprisingly took half and hour eh?Doesn’t matter anyways.I guess hitting the park isn’t a bad idea.I will just order something to eat...don’t wanna cook at all..I have no idea on what to do whatsoever anyways.“said Ein as he sluggishly made his way to the park bench.

The park was nothing special.It was a circular park with its fair share of tress and benches and it had one big sandpit at the heart of it.It was a fairly large park with well maintained slides and other childrens’ playthings and the trees and bushes were regularly taken care of thanks to the recent protest regarding poor maintenance of the park, which was very important to the elderly who grew up around here.The mayor of the place had to give in because who knew that some ancient park like this could turn a major chunk of his voters against him.This happened 7 months prior to today’s date and three months prior to Ein’s move into the quarters.

Thinking back on these events Ein sat in the bench which was well inside the park,almost diametrically opposite to the entry gate and sank into the bench.He was lucky that the park was always open so he didn’t have to bother himself with the entry ticket shenanigans.

“Now that I think about it... I’m pretty sure the people who fought must have been really strong willed people to be able to come in terms with the mayor. Tch...almost makes me envious although I have no interest in politics.I am pretty sure that if the mayor would not lose so many votes he would have demolished the park by now..guess I should thank the elderly warriors for making it possible for letting me whine at a place like this...I wonder what is wrong with me really...“as Ein complained to himself he rested his arms on the back of the bench and let his head rest on the bench as he sank deeper into his complaint spot.

“Am i just a coward...yeah maybe I am for not asking them to let me in..but should it not be obvious for them to invite me in since I am part of the...anyways the fact remains that I am all alone again...maybe..no defintely..if I was good at something they would talk to me too..they would willingly initiate conversations with me and i would have people to hang around with and I wouldn’t have to worry over initiating conversations...after all that is exactly why the top scorer of the class has people around her...just because she studies day and night...I wonder if there is any point in it really...she studies like a robot...to get a job perhaps..or maybe she has her own circumstances...or just to make a lot of money...and die...isn’t that just her life in a nutshell... I really wonder why people work so hard when there is no meaning to our existences...the human race just happened to develop..and it was not because we had some purpose given to us or anything..survival of the fittest, was it?If there was no real reason for our existence to begin with why do we work...perhaps we love despair.”

“Haha...I am thinking of such irrelevant things only because i don’t do anything...wonder what I am good at....I wonder what I like?Can I even be good at anything?Can I truly love doing something.I will give up or start procrastinating partway anyways....I hope someone would be right beside- if any of these were true i would never have stepped out of my house to attend some lame movie marathon in the first place..guess even I would be working for the future..like that monster...and that robotic topper...guess this is how things are...once this cycle of thought starts it seriously gets annoying...argh...to hell with it..better return and listen to some music or watch some movie to forget about it...but I really should be studying for my exams...nah don’t really feel like it...haven’t been feeling like it for what 2 years now...I truly am despicable...i’ll just eat something and try to fall asleep I guess...for that is the easiest way to get through this nightmare...”

Waking up from his self-deprecating session,with an expression that discharged the “I am tired” aura, he gets off the bench,turns around and stretches a little to wake his sore muscles up and makes way to the apartment with a frustrated look which would further prevent anyone from approaching him, although it was only directed at himself. Looks give half the impression..and first impression is the best impression...is what the general public believes anyways...can they not be wrong...in this particular case however, he would most likely give a...rather unpleasant or maybe a pained impression to some select few.

As he made his way out of the park the wind grew wilder by the moment, and as Ein made his way under the streetlights in the pitch black night,he looked up at the moon,perhaps finding comfort in its blissful and forgiving gaze,he drew a tired smile and made his way into the apartment, with which he had a bittersweet parting.The little adventure didn’t quite last LONG this time.

He could not find any answers yet again..but he must continue to struggle even if hell broke loose,like a sudden tsunami maybe...which may prove a blessing in disguise for him because he would have one clear aim...‘To survive’...

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