If you guessed Roger, then you're right.
"Hey, look, it's Roger," Larry said.
"Hey, guys," he said to us. He walked over to where we were sitting. "What you doing?"
Before I could answer, Larry said, "Oh, just here with goofy-kid gangs."
"So, how's it going, Roge?" I said.
"Roge?" said Larry.
"Roge is the nickname for Roger, isn't it?"
After a quiet minute, he responded, "I've heard worse ones."
Roger just laughed and sat down next to Larry, and reached into his pocket. He took out $20.
And an old sourball.
"I think I'll have something too. Just a good, old-fashioned hot fudge sundae."
"Yeah, just be careful with the cherry, especially if you get a black cherry," I said.
"The cherry? Why?"
Larry started making weird noises and said, "It is poi-sou-nous. Ooooo!"
"Shut up!" Then I said to Roger, "No, but Larry will try to steal it so he can stick it into your ear and cover the wax with peanut butter."
Roger made a sour face and said, "Gross!"
"Yeah, well, that's Larry for you."
"In that case," said Larry. He yelled for the waiter.
"We want a bowl full of cherries."
"You want a bowl full of cherries?"
"Then go plant yourself a cherry tree. We serve ice cream, not cherries."
In a loud, enraged voice, Larry said, "THIS PLACE ALWAYS STINKED!"
Now, you may be thinking that it isn't wise to yell that a waiter at a restaurant, right? Well, it is a bad thing to do, but you don't know Larry. He got the waiter really mad. You could tell by his eyes. "What did you say?"
"I said this place always stinked anyway!"
"Uh, Larry…" That idiot was going to get himself into a big mess.
"Oh, really?" the waiter said.
"Yes, I always hated this place!" he said.
"Larry!" I yelled louder.
"Well, then, I have just the right thing for you. Something that will satisfy your reptilian appetite perfectly."
"LARRY!" I yelled even louder.
"Yes, I do," the waiter continued. "It is…this!" In less than a split second, he came out with a can of whipped cream. But in miracle time, Larry used the Telekinesis Power to split the whipped cream in half and banged the lights out of the waiter.
It was a living miracle that no one saw it. And it was a great coincidence that Roger had decided to get under the table to get out of the line of a fire. Or whipped cream, actually.
After a little while, the waiter got up and walked away as if nothing. How could he just be like that?! I stared at Larry, astounded. "I erased that part of his memory," he whispered.
Oh. That made sense. A little. Trouble is, nothing about Larry ever makes sense. You can't tell the difference between when he's acting crazy and when he's acting normal.
Roger came out from the bunker and went back to his sundae.
"So, Roger, how's your ice cream?"
You know what the goofball did then? He took out a straw and started drinking from Roger's sundae! "It is good!"
"Um, uh…thank you?"
I don't blame Roger.
I mean Larry can be so…forget it.
Anyways, finally, Mr. Ice Cream Crook went back to his own bowl. "Hey, where's my cherry!"
"You ate it already," I said.
"Oh. Well, it's a good thing I always bring my extra whipped cream along with me." He took out a bottle of it, and started spraying it on his half-melted, half-gooey ice cream. Roger and I just stared at each other. Then at him. And at each other. Then back at him.
Finally I said. "Look, Larry, I know this is probably a very stupid question, but why do you have your own whipped cream along with you?"
"Because I don't trust their whipped cream!"
"You never know how old it is, Spiny," said Roger. "I was reading it on the Internet the other day."
Oh. Great! "Oh, for goodness' sake! This is Amarkia! All of our food is safe. And just about everybody is very trustworthy."
Roger sighed and shook his head. "I only wish that was true, Spiny. But, sadly, I found out you can't trust anybody."
Yeah, I just found that out, Benedict Arnold! "Would you trust me?" said Larry.
"Um, yeah," said Roger. Uh-oh. That was a mistake.
"Even for keeping secrets?"
"I guess so." Oh, no. Especially for that. Do not trust Larry to keep secrets. But Roger learned it the hard way. Larry shouted at the top of his lungs, "HEY, EVERYBODY, ROGER LIKES DARLA!" The whole restaurant erupted into laughter, pointing, whispering, teasing, oohs, and nasty smiles.
Roger was so embarrassed that not only did his face turn red, but his voice got squeaky. But, Larry, as always was unconcerned with his self-satisfaction smile. "I had to teach you a lesson."
"What kind of lesson is that?" Roger squeaked.
"The most painful yet effective," I muttered.
"Why did you say that, you idiot?!" Roger said to Larry.
I quickly got up and dragged Larry into the boys' restroom. I locked the door behind us and gave him a killer look. "What kind of social monster are you?!"
"What are you talking about?"
I rolled my eyes and sighed. "You just ruined Roger's life, that's what I'm talking about!"
"What did I do?"
"What did…ugh! Don't you have any common sense?"
"What's common about it?"
I was getting nowhere talking it out with him. And I certainly wasn't going to try to fight him in any way because he always beats me at everything. "Oh, never mind that. Let's just go home. It's almost dinner time."
"But we just ate!"
"Why don't you just shut up and do what I say for once in your life?"
Larry crossed his arms. "Spiny! When have I ever done something that you don't like?"
When has he…oh, please. I had to be dreaming what he just said. "Oh, no, NEVER! Just every single minute of every day of my dinosaurian life!"
He looked annoyed. "Well, thanks a lot."
I was about to leave before his disease known as Stupidity was passed on to me. But just then, the lights turned out. "Hey, what happened?!"
"Hey, who turned out the lights?" Larry said.
"Ha. I bet you five bucks that Arnold didn't pay the electric bill."
"Yeah, well, you better start getting the money."
Larry stepped out. "Uh-oh."
I went in behind him. "What-oh?"
"Everyone's gone and the place is closed."
"What? You mean to tell me that we're locked in a restaurant after closing hours?!"
"Well, either that or the building is alive and locked us in and locked everyone else out."
I slapped him on the back of his head. "Sit on it, Larry!"
He rubbed his head and started wandering around in the dark. He sighed. "Boy, do I feel sorry for Roger."
"For Roger? You feel sorry for him. You wouldn't be as half-sorry if he was the one locked in a restaurant."
He shrugged. "Well, there's only thing left to do."
I nodded. "Yeah, I'm going to call Kathy to see if she can get us out of here." I got out my phone and…hey! Some idiot had erased everything on it! Who would…all my games and music and apps and contacts and photos and videos and… "Larry!"
I caught him just before he ran into the kitchen. "Larry. How do you explain this?" I held up the phone up to his face, the light blue glow reflecting the clear guilt in his face.
"How do I explain that?"
"Well, it's a small portable device known as a cellular phone. It's something that which you call other people on with using electrical signals on cellular towers. They are modern-day versions of the field telephones used in World War II and the two-way radios that police use. And, also…"
"All right, smart-aleck. I'll deal with you later. Now, I have to find a way to get out of here."
"Why don't we just unlock the door and get out?"
"Because I don't have a key, you dodo!"
"Oh, that explains why we're still here. Well, then. There's only one option left."
"Oh, yeah? What's that?"
"Bust out of here."
"HUH? You mean, like, break a window or something?"
Larry smiled and patted me on the shoulder. "My dear friend, I couldn't have said it better myself." He looked around and grabbed a napkin holder. He swung his arm back and launched it. "No, wait!"
Too late. CRASH! Little pieces of solidified sand everywhere. That's what glass is, by the way. Anyways, the jerk that I was with broke one of the…well, windows, obviously. What else would he…never mind.
Larry walked over to the empty space in the wall, which used to be a window. "Careful, don't step on the glass."
"Oh, really? Gee, I never thought of that!" I said sarcastically. I mean, who did he take me as, as a fool or something?
"Let's just get out here before they start sending out the entire army to look for you."
What a way to spend an evening, don't you think? But things were about to get a whole lot more exciting.