How to be a good parent
Have you ever wondered how your kids think of the way you parent them? Chances are you haven’t. They probably haven’t either. Maybe you don’t want to know. You’re the parent, you know best right?
This book will (hopefully) change your mind. It will get you asking yourself questions like, “ am I a helicopter parent?” Or, “ is this really the best way of parenting?” Off quizzes and suggestions to help you understand your kids better, and how they understand you.
Chapter one, section one. Which am I?
Everyone has a different way off parenting their kid. Some parents think it’s better to help their kid out in life by never making them do things they don’t want to do and making sure they are never sad. Some think their kid needs to put their head down and get on with life, because it’s just going to get harder from here. Some are a mix of both. So, let’s find out who you are before we go any further. Please answers the questions honestly!
Your child started a dance class two weeks ago and now wants to quit, even though they always seem to enjoy it when they get there. Do you...
A) immediately take them out of the class. If they don’t want to do it, they shouldn’t have to!
B) ask them why they dislike it, and make them do it for at least a month, and then see if they want to quit.
C) tell them not to be ridiculous and to get on with it.
D) give them five pounds and let them play video games all day
to do it but make sure no one finds out
Your child is being teased at school. They are sensitive and easily upset so are taking it badly. What do you do?
A) go into the school and talk to the teacher about it, then take your kid out for ice cream and buy them a stuffed cat.
B) give them tips on how to stand up for themselves, and if the problem doesn’t stop go to a teacher about it.
C) tell them not to be sensitive and to wack the bully with the heaviest thing they can find.
D) Tell them it will be alright and it won’t last for ever. Then buy them an Alexa.
Your teenage kid’s best friend is a bad influence. She talks about taking drugs, smoke and encourages them to do the same. Worst of all, she doesn’t seem to think shoplifting is wrong and would happily steal a Kit Kat from the co op. Your kid thinks that she’s really cool. Do you...
A) oh well. I’m sure she’ll stop some day. Anyway, your just thinking of your kid here, imagine if she had no friends! That would be worse!
B) talk to your kid about it and try to prevent her doing something she’ll regret. Encourage her to make other friends and to try to help her friend to be more sensible.
C) tell her she will regret being friends with her and then stop bothering about it.
D) tell her she can’t hang out with her anymore. It’s for her own good! Besides, she has plenty of other friends, I see her texting them all the time.
Your son has a huge talent for acting, and is taking lessons. He is really enjoying it, so...
A) you continue with it, but make sure your son knows he doesn’t have to if he doesn’t want to.
B) continue with the lessons. It’s as simple as that!
D)continue, but take it to the next level. Get him an agent, and start going for auditions for plays, musicals and more! This is more than just a hobby!
Your daughter and some friends of hers and their parents (who are your friends) are going on vacation to a family hotel together. The buffet has a soda machine and the kids stay up late watching fire works and playing, or running loose on the hotel’s grounds. This is,
A) fine! Even if I wasn’t ok with it, I still wouldn’t stop her. She would feel so left out!
B) it’s fine, as it’s a holiday the kids deserve a break.
C) who cares!
D) it’s awful! My daughter is only allowed one soda a day, she will go to bed at her normal time and will be monitored by an adult at all times!… maybe I’ll give her a little gift to cheer her up. A new app on her phone maybe?
All the kids in grade three are collecting a new surprise toy. They all want the ultra rare angel tortoise limited edition in gold. Then suddenly one little kid gets it! Your kid is really upset and jealous. What do you do?
A) bribe the kid with a candy bar and ask her to give it to your kid.
B) tough luck. Tell your child gently that they won’t always get what they want and that they should accept that.
C) tell my kid to get over it.
D) tell them if they stop whining about it they can play on my phone for two hours
If you answered mostly A you are a bit of a snowplough parent. That means your will do everything in your power to make life as easy as you can for your kid. Wether that means you need to bribe someone, or constantly give your child comfort food, so long as your child is happy. This is not the best way of parenting, as one day your child will not want you constantly interfering in their private life, and although you love them very much, you will be killing them with kindness.
If you answered mostly B you are a mix. I won’t say a perfect balance, as I didn’t put every single situation in the quiz, but you are doing a very good job so far.
If you answered mostly C, you are the opposite of A! It’s difficult to see how much you actualy CARE about your kid, as you don’t have much to do with them! This may cause your kid not to be as close to you as they should be.
If you answered mostly D, you are fairly strict, ( which is fine, as your child has to follow your rules,) however, you clearly feel guilty about “depriving “ your child of what their friends have or are allowed to do, so often turn to screens for help. This is not the best way of parenting, as it may cause your child to be addicted to their phone, and then you will have bigger problems long term.
If you answered mostly E, you didn’t answer any of the questions! I don’t know what kind of parent you are!;)
Section two. Bedtime
Whether your child is three or thirteen, you probably still want them to go to bed at a reasonable time. For example: you wouldn’t encourage a four year old to go to bed at eleven o’clock would you?
What if your child isn’t happy with their bed time? What if they are constantly having nightmares and sleep in your bed all the time? What if they kick and scream whenever anyone says it’s time for bed? This chapter has all the answers for bed time.
‘ my daughter doesn’t want to go to bed at the same time as their younger sister and says all her friends go to bed after their siblings. I actually think it’s a good idea, but my younger daughter is too scared on her own so insists on her sister coming with her!’
* try finding something that your younger kid hates doing, and ask if she’d like to stay up late with her big sister for only one night to do it. Most likely, she’ll say no.
* if that doesn’t work, sit down with both your daughters at a good time, (not when they are watching tv, or drawing a picture), and talk to them about it. Ask them both to write a list about why they want to stay up late without their sister/go to bed with their sister and have them read each other’s lists. It may change one of there minds. This works best with open minded kids.
*make going to bed early fun for your younger kid. Read her a bedtime story, or set up a puppet show for her with stuffed toys. (You could even try doing a “midnight”feast with her for a few nights, but make it clear that that’s not permanent.) soon your kid will be desperate to go to bed all by herself.
‘My toddler hates bed time, and throws a tantrum whenever I take him up stairs to bed. I’m worried the neighbours will complain about the noise, (they are not really good with kids),and he is getting violent!
* what is your child’s favourite toy? Try telling him that if he behaves badly, it will be confiscated, but if he’s good, he’ll get to play with it more.
* try buying a reward chart. It’s easy and fun for your child and he will be desperate for the reward.
* another reward system is the treasure box system. All you need is a shoe box, some paper and pens and some small toys like small stuffed toys, pencils, chocolate coins and more. Just fill a painted gold shoe box with the toys and gifts and draw small circles in groups of five on a piece of paper. When your child behaves, they can colour in a circle (it works better when you call the circles treasure), when they colour in five treasures they get a reward from the box.
‘My child is sure that there are monsters hiding behind her curtains and refuses to go into her room. I tried showing her behind the curtains but she burst into tears and started having a panic attack!what can I do?
*If you can, just take away the curtains.
*if that won’t work for you, try setting up a camp bed on the other side of the room. Sleep in there with her and if she is scared, you can comfort her.