Loving the Unloved
“Don’t do this again!” I yelled at him from across the room. I hated when our mood swings clashed like this. It was hard dealing with depression, anxiety, and PTSD on your alone. Add in your lover having depression and bipolar disorder and it makes for some interesting times.
“Can you just get away from me!” he yelled. I knew he didn’t mean it, but sometimes his words would cut like knives.
“I just want to help,” I pleaded with him.
“Give me space!” he yelled and slammed the door behind him. I knew I probably shouldn’t hover, but I always felt I could help. I knew what he was feeling, right? I sat on my couch thinking about our lives and what they would soon be like once we got married and I smiled. Despite the occasional fighting and bickering, there’s really no one else in the world that is for me. I believe he is my perfect someone. We get each other. He always says he is unlovable and that everyone leaves eventually. Little does he know I don’t plan on going anywhere. He is my person.
A few hours passed by and I hadn’t heard a word from him. I checked my phone more often hoping that maybe a text from him would pop up on my phone, but it didn’t. I was starting to get a little worried when I heard a key slide into the lock and the door open. There he was, my king, standing in the doorway with a bouquet of flowers in one hand and a Dr. Pepper in the other. These were the little things. The little things that he would do to apologize for his behavior or simply to let me know how much he loves me. I’m not saying that gifts fix everything, but they certainly help. He walked through the threshold and handed me the bouquet with a smile.
“I’m sorry,” he said handing me my Dr. Pepper. “I’m having a really bad day,” he said slumping down into the couch and putting his head in his hands.
“Want to talk about it?” I asked quietly. He wasn’t much of a talker but when he did he always felt better afterward.
“You’re the only person I can talk to,” he said looking up at me silent tears glistening in his eyes.
I sat and listened as he started to tell me about how he was feeling. He was in a dark place today and was stressed about his job. I understood this. I was in a dark place as well today and had been stressing about school work all week. I wrapped my arms around him pulling him close to me. He wrapped his arms around me as well and melted into me.
“I’ll always be here for you,” I said putting my face in his hair. He smelled of sandalwood and lavender. He smelled of relaxation and contentment. He smelled like home to me.
“And I’ll always be here for you,” he said leaning back and kissing me lightly on the lips. Love is hard sometimes, but not impossible. It takes work and dedication and at the end of the day, it is completely worth it.