She was my crush
It's very common for a kid to have a crush on one of the beauty in the class. But my brain was spoiled because of all my fairy tale fantasies and romantic movies that I couldn't step foot on the reality that is in the twenty first century girls in my class also expect better from a boy as a boyfriend.
I had a clean image in my class, I had better scores in my tests and exams that my parents doesn't had to tell at me after parents teachers meeting and I use to play football that I was planning to get selected for inter school competition and I stood as for the sports captain candidate. But this was not enough for me, I had a crush on one of my classmates for three years since when I enrolled in the school.
I don't know what type fantasies were inside my head that one day I intensionally told everything about my crush on that girl to my friend. Maybe because I doesn't have any courage to tell her how I felt so it was better to let her know through him.
Everything was smooth as expected but my friend told about my feelings to her when she was chatting with her friends. And slowly everyone in the class got a new topic to talk.
After that when ever I went to talk to her she gave me a weird look, felt like she wants to say 'back off! I don't like you'.
Then three whole months passed after all that rumors. Suddenly my friends forced me to say ' I love her ' and confess. But that look on her face started scaring me all of a sudden. I refused and ran away. After when the classes were over I saw her crying in shadows. I felt that she wanted me to confess to her at that time, I ignored my instincts and next day after the classes at that same time I confessed and said everything. But she said I don't like me without any hesitation and she doesn't know me.
Her words were like a bullets, I was totally broken down into pieces, I was depressed. I was a living dead at that time.
More over I spoiled the selection for football team and I had to withdraw from the sports captain candidate seat.
My image was destroyed and my class teacher told about the rumours flowing in the class to my parents. After that I really wanted to die.
On a Monday, a friend from the class said the truth. She likes someone else whom she proposed at that time and she got rejected that why she was crying. And that person was my rival as in the sports captain candidate. This hurt more than any thing.
Then a voice encouraged from the darkness and said that do you really care for a girl who doesn't made any eye contact with you? Is there anything in your life to say that you love her?
And more questions were coming up every single time. My dead eyes started a hunch for brightness. But I doesn't want to go back to the same page, I wanted to start over.
During the summer breaks I join a gym and told the instructor everything I'm my life. Then he laughed and asked what do I want here? He set me into a trial but I was still reviewing my whole mind again and again to answer that question and finally answer that I want to build stronger body and tough mind that no one could tease me or play with my feelings again.
He laughed again, but this time the real thing was on the line. He trained like hell but for a moment I started enjoining all that pain like delicious candies, felt like I was going crazy every moment. I had to change my whole outfit and closet in a month, I changed my looks and started preparing well for half yearly exams. This time I was on a completely another path where my surrounding was completely in darkness and I was chasing for a bright light ahead of me.
My class went on a shock when the summer breaks were over and another rumour started in the class that my crush changed me. But till now I understood that people will say what they want but it's upto you to listen or refuse .
For the very first time my crush texted me that night we talked a lot and during that flow I said her that I don't like her anymore so she doesn't have to give me those weird look again. She suddenly text that she was worried about me and likes me. This time I refused her, not as a revenge but this time things were different I know that it was all a lie and one day she will run away when she gets better than me. I would end up hurting myself again.
I never got the chance to grab the bright light on my path but I will never give up untill that happens and there are better thinks in life rather than having a girlfriend.
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