“I’m Still Fighting This”
My current girlfriend has put up with me somehow. I got caught cheating on her with several women. She is willing to look past this and I’d like to change. I could have sex and still go back and jack off to porn pics online or worse. Why is it I get bored even sometimes and just scroll through nudes? I can’t kick the habit of being curious of other girls. Ive been doing good for a while but I still feel it itching at me underneath. Even if it doesn’t involve sex I have to have female attention. I’m a dad. I have daughters. And I want to be a good example. Having a daughter really makes you consider what you’re doing to women. Or it has for me. So since my first girl was born I’ve been tossing this book idea around literally as a cry for help. I don’t know how to fix it. I can’t even stick with one girl who I have a baby with. And it’s seems the only thing I can love as much as I care about Shelby is being a dad. What an incredible feeling. My heart is whole in the moments I spend with my kids. My biological father was a piece of shit and I want to be everything he wasn’t. I want to be able to hold down a family. I want to give them unconditional love. I can barely love myself though. I am disappointed in myself. I’m so depressed I want to kill myself a lot of days. But that’s the ultimate self hate isn’t it? What’s it going to solve? Please help me to fix myself. Teach me to love the right way. Tell me what’s wrong with me. How can I avoid the many sexual desires that burn inside of me? Can a hoe be turned into a husband?
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