I have had to face the most cruelest tragedy life can offer a mother and that is the loss of my second born child my son.
I never wanted to imagine nor did I ever think It could happen to me and my family.
...And one day , everything changed... My world turned upside down, my heart broken in pieces on the ground...My precious son was taken from me... so suddenly, so tragically just one day...
I wasn’t sure what to do, deviation and shock consumed me. I was moving but felt like I was still. I kept saying I don’t know what to do, someone tell me.
I was and still today experiencing emotional numbness, shock and disbelief the process of grief was starting. The traumatic event that now has left me who I am a grieving mother.
I remember looking at my sons 19 month old son, I didn’t know what to say and holding back the tears from my deviation news “ your son is gone “ I felt like I owed him that. Many things are such a blur from that day. Today bit by bit everything slowly comes back in my mind. So I write it down in a journal so my son’s son can read it when I am gone.
My body started reacting with physical symptoms they manifested without my control, strange sharp pains , dullness , over flow of numbness on my chest, I felt myself slowly connsumed by grief, my mind racing as a roller coaster out of control. I wanted answers, I wanted someone to tell me what was going on and why I had to lose my son. I kept google always by my side hoping for something or someone help me. My soul was screaming but no one could hear.
Grief knocks you down , it changes everything about you to the point where you don’t know who you are anymore. Everything you enjoy and everything you once did, has no meaning at all. You look in the mirror and see someone else, a shell that is just existing, you don’t see you. You try your hardest as you pick through all of who who is shattered and try to put the pieces together as they once was, they don’t go back because there is so many pieces and you find it’s just impossible to know which ones go where. So you stand there looking at someone else through the mirror knowing now you have to learn who she is because who she once was died that day she had to let go of her and accept who she is now.