Little book of a forgotten lover
A thought believed itself to be light
Everything in the space in between darkness and dust and the glorious awakening - an Idea
Believed itself to be magical, conceivable of an inconceivable magic
Acquiescent no longer to impractical definition found in a dictionary of self-defining turned self-defying and grew.
I was born an island
I was born an ocean
I was born the in between of your thoughts and your tongue, insufficient
But everything to you I was
Beyond perfection, beyond the taste of water on perched lips
Beyond the touch of an exiled lover
Everything I became through your touch
Then you took it away
A mountain I become , hardship and rock, barren and empty
Mined by my own desolation
I become the night in between your dreams
The in between of your dreams, night I become
Tortured, my fulness dried the shores, burned the light of any dawn
I dreamed myself I thought, I dreamed you, I know
I want to be reborn in peace
Beyond the glimpse of you
Beyond the broken paradise
Beyond the helplessness of broken me
Born an island
I want to emerge again
My own island.
My own dream.
Never yours again.
Becoming my own in between.
You and yours I never remembered
In hurt and pain, your own despair
I my own island, your own sorrow, you harbored to another mountain to break.
I get to laugh at my own falling sometimes
When my head bumps on the wall
Ecstatic, I stop and I cry a little
Rub emphatic and keep rolling down
Flailing my wings.
I would ask you to join me
As you nodding dramatic whispering my name in a salute
As your eyes touch mine in passing
Whom will catch whom at the bottom?
Just hold me tight and we can try again to fall faster
Once upon a time in innocence, I got so lost
It took everything I had in my pockets to get back on the road
When I did, I wish I spit back the bitter bite of your lips
It didn’t do me any good, should have kept the bread crumbs instead.
Is not that sad, not bad, not terminal
Is not irreversible I am sure, you cannot take you heart and turn it into a two sides coat
More nimble spirits make it through the night and come back something else
Some sort of demon
That dripped, slipped, rushed out of paradise
There is life after death of a love you forgot you once had that is crushing your being
And turns you to mush
There is more than you think
There is a verb, there is a thing that denies you everything
And wraps around your lungs with the metallic coil of a train track that binds
Suffocates and gives you the senility of insanity for a year or two or less.
But the god thing about it, in the end you don’t feel a thing.
I used to wake up to your fear of waking up to nothing
I thought it silly and slightly problematic
How can you lose paradise?
How can you fall out of it?
Bible teach us silly little stories that magicians make magic tricks out of it
You cannot not be!
Fall into inexistence
Love doesn’t die, sometimes gets lost in the distance
Then rushes back
And rushes good
And takes your breath away
Like a musical prelude it all starts new, I was told, I believed or I hoped
The only problem when it rushed out it came back to decompose
There was no fire in the ashes
No light on the veranda
There were holes in the ceiling and the sky cried its salty tears all over to make it worse.
Some other paradise built somewhere else, warm dry clothes waited for you.
From your phone she grinned at me like a horse.
And you woke up fearless.
While I never fell asleep again.
Afraid to wake up from this dream to the real thing.
Chose the hell.
Old crows told me a secret this morning
Haven’t lost it entirely
They did told me to keep it
Laugh at will, laugh at me
Laugh at whatever you please
Speak up they said, don’t be a fool, be harsh be crude
You don’t get in paradise chased by a broom but riding it.
So ride away
Fool moon is for the weak
Sun is for the wicked.
No go ahead and scream your secret out, don’t keep it.
I used to think this was the end of it all.
When we hung up on our words without hanging up the phone
Sat there silent
We closed our hearts in the middle of the conversation
What was I going to say, stay,
Love me like you used to love me!
It mean nothing
Because when you stop feeling
You want nothing
Just to remember how to breathe because somehow you forget that too.
Helpless, useless, the smoke detector in a room with no stove and no fire.
I think I found the last true love on Earth, the kind that lasts and doesn’t vanish in the day light’s first glitter.
I took a magnifying glass and I laughed burning it with the afternoon sun
I thought it would make it brighter.
Now I shiver remembering.
Little smoky traces made it shrivel tighter and it felt to the ground
The only emotion somehow I was left with
A crude bite in my heart of a strange longing for something I once held in the light of that morning
I stopped feeling everything and anything when I stepped over you through that door
For the man on the floor, his arm on fire
A hole in the wall
My heart holding nothing anymore
I once held the love of the Earth
I am a dried river now
Pouring my need in crashes, inevitable, unfathomable years ago
Dead inside slightly
A memory caresses the inside of my heart with simply numbness.
I made a revolution before. I tore your hairs out
Kicked you with a door
And implored you to give me my peace back
Freedom for any other name
By any other color
On the taste buds of my memory
Before you set the city on fire
Wild things run amok
Crying in jolly desperation of confused fascination with your eyes
The insanity of it al
That balancing act that crushes and rebuilds
Not under the siege of a rebellious act, however.
More like an impromptu act of defiance where I implore and you deny
Where I deny and you implore.
I should have hit you harder with that door.
And stepped over your delightful self on my way out.
You and I are very much (un)like the other ;)
So much more like a twisted spiral next to a hard-handled shovel – totally messed up-
Like a handful of grapes, dark blue, still ripe on the vine
The taste of crushed lips, on the rims with stains of dark wine....
Commonality of dark, consistent, persistent
Kind of like that feeling of chill on the bridge before catching a cold
Unwilling to move,
Like when seeing a ghost
Of the future, cause the past is kind of old (by at least twenty years- as we established-) and remembers
Much of nothing
Except that feeling on the bridge, of cold and dramatic moons falling in the river.
The Potomac, of course, where you laugh at how I pronounce the dance of the water, the sound sounds
Like a falling
The name, catch me before I fall in the cold on the bridge
Your arms can write the name of the river around my shoulders
The names of your rivers on my lips
Your fingertips, drawing the moon in the water
Your name I will it in the cold as I park on the corner with that pissed of hiss.
A limp in my hips.
The devil wore white to confuse the crowds
Mislead them slightly with the purity of her entice.
Every now and then the glittering light
Showed the red purple and black fire in those brown eyes
As yours watched mine
As you watched me
Counting my sins
Perfuming your skin
Impossible Distress when pulled away
The angels of course wanted to be bold,
Got a memo from above of the pact to be held this Sunday
So Wanted to impress
Wanted to behold.
The devil smiled coyly and on some violin deep in the winter of my heart
Sang some notes on my skin from a summer you forgot behind.
Bright eyes, desire in various hues
Exhausted hiding one’s true colors, holding to blues.
Tore them all off for the usual, naked, since is the one that suits your fingertips better.
I don’t remember how we met
I remember there was a rainy day
My socks were wet
Always around you hunger since then.
My foot slipped of the pedal both really because my shortness requires one foot pushed on top of the other
To ensure full depth to the floor, the throttle and whatever nonsense had to replace my broken broom stick for the day.
What a bother.
The freckle on the tip of my nose, cold, the tip of my nose warm, smelling fresh bread in the oven you called your heart.
I use it instead to bake mischief and more nonsense.
My cauldron (full already) stores “allll” the candy I could stash away –sneak- stole by any other name, on Halloween last Autumn
The potions have lost market value since market a inceput sa cada, so I replaced the bottles with good wine.
My kind of flying leaf, leaves no space for inebriation under the influence of circumstances
Nor inebriation under the leaves, the grapes kind.
Or the influence of your shadow of nonchalance
My freckle should have been warm instead
I would have passed your heart for a piece of stale bread and drove right through ---in the balta.
You inspire me, kind of like the French Revolution inspired master Guillotine
To redact all the shortcomings of the greedy bunch.
All the inexorable
All the terminable
The cake no longer suffices
The milk no longer provides sustenance
Substance in the dried red roads that line up all the furred princess
Convinced some, sweating bullets may conclude an empire of snow, ice and lust binges
On the roads that drive us to sunsets
And drive me to the mountains (of desolation) where the mining begins at exactly 7 pm when your texts reach other ears with a fierce cling
Disregarding the plea of poor little me.
Maestro of revolutions inspiring
Desire less these days, yet catastrophically distracting
Unimportant, riots rising in the pit of my heart.
When I first came to Earth I was given a scroll
Tiny scribbles with a rhythm, on some sort of speechless guide in a strangely shaped roll
The intent, to reduce the confusion of it all.
The result just chaos and chaos some more. (If you ask me.)
They said, wait
Love will be magic
Love will be kind
Your God will smile on you and it will all be fine.
Liar, silly little liar this map, whose legend, the one with the small script was backwards Latin and spelled the words clearly in tiny, minuscule, infrared..ish truth
It is a lie!
Do what you may
Kill what you care for and it won’t kill you first.
Make your treasures.
Dust make your pain.
The love you feel is a little lie and after a while is vain.
Yourself up and line up with the little liars of the world those mentioned in the tiny invisible backwards Latin spelled names
A lie that heals a lie that bends the truth that hurts the dust you have become.
I want the impossible
The insurmountable and damaging all
The all of you, the entirety of the nothing inside that emptiness I fill with my love
The one you don’t seem to remember
After our lips broke apart
You are a game, a game I play as a silly dimwit whose lips still dry, draws water from the fountains of the
earth with a bottomless bucket
You are empty of it all
A game to you, the one I play, me your bottomless source of laughter
Insane, your eyes pierce the thin layer of thirst and draw in color the blue of the water, the sweet taste
of the water, its hardness as it falls empty on me, the what could have been
Not sure who is the joke anymore.
Not sure if I should just dig deeper
pour it all over the supposed, imagined, damaging heat of some created, self-imposed dream in which
the fires I fuel perch your lips
Making you spin the wheel of some old tree turned barrel drawing the nothing of me over the nothing of you.
At last I forgot you for a summer.
I forgot you for the rainy fall
I found your memories again accidental trippin on the moon in a puddle
Hard fall knocked the wind out of me
You didn’t reach to pick me up
you simply fell with me.
I don’t have time for illusions
I am dying
Nor patience anymore
You may knock at the door, and I’ll open.
Won’t have much time to spare
We can go anywhere, but we chose the couch that is broken.
You hold me at bay
I will say is ok
And you bring up your God and your conscious, I approach you so slow
I’ll indulge with a show
Which your eyes Will enjoy ’stravagantic
You caress me instead
And I pull you to bed where you fight me as demons over Atlantic ( have bitten)
Then you inch oh so close
You disrobe me of clothes
And your eyes light me up like the Christmas
When you kiss me again
Time spins inside my head
I forget all about those illusions,
I renew in your arms
No romance just a dance and I fall back in love with confusion.
Do you know me at all? What you do to my soul, how my will just melts into yours?
I don’t know you at all, but I’ll lay on the floor trembling , your touch such delusion.
I will pull you inside, in the back of my night
I will lay on your chest , as I cry.
Your face I’ll caress and let you hold me inside you when leaving.
There is a house on top of the hill
On a couple of hills as a matter of fact
One lives long ago, walls bricks filled with color and light
Surrounded by green pastures and some degree of insanity
Most of all innocence.
This other hill has memories from the other house
While rejoices in the limitless options of new memories yet to form
There is freedom here
And forced bubble gum medication for feverish moments
Two silly clouds named lightly prance around tormenting, adoring
For now you only know one house my love! Although you’ve seen the other.
Your heart beat knows them both but memories don’t bother.
May your hills always be loud with joy my son
May your houses light up the world and your laughter make those walls
Dance happy in all memories
I remember falling from paradise
It was the first time you touched me
Since, I fell many times
Rolled on hills of spikes and melted bones
My flawless skin in hives
All I could feel and crave was deeper, down below If I could go to reach again
Your lips alone
Could care at all my broken wing was bleeding
My halo melting
And behind me God herself was screaming
Free parking in my paradise suspended!
Some fat cherub that used to braid my tresses suffocating in distress from my lack of luster and lost interest
To all heavenly.
All earthly instead, renewed highly!!
You are pretty close to down below, he winked
Must not break both cause God knows devil’s wings can sing
The siren song that draws you in. You silly fool.
Do not break both.
A little righteous spittle on his fatty cheeks.
That parking spot is yours again if you can close your foolish heart and defer your kiss.
Back I hissed, is all right, I’ll park on the corner.
Love me like you used to love me lover
Hold me in your eyes and on your lips
Feel me like the sweetest youthful summer
And crave me like your thirst has craved a drip
Pull me closer so that you can touch me deeper
Let your fingers slide inside my thoughts
Feel the dark that crawls inside the midnight
That breaks you out of me out of my arms.
You never promised nothing, held back nothing
The wave of you still dances with my hips
If I forget my name
The one you call me after
I won’t forget your fingers on my skin.
I will wish you (on) a prayer
I will call you from the inside of a prayer, wishing you
The love you call lust, your lust I call love
The in between a crave by any other tongue
The prayer will hold you together so that the other one, the course, I didn’t tell you about, can break
And put it in my pocket, tiny slivers of cruelty and desire
Mine to hold through the eternity.
It will work, I know.
How? You wonder? Well..
I sold my soul for it.
Thoughts about you, folded neatly in a drawer
I lit them up, smoke and ashes burning through to the floor
The other three chambers are solid of dirt, is hard to melt clay and is hard to burn hurt
Limited edition caresses go under the bed
Kisses stolen from her, that you gave me instead
A piece I bit from your lip, a smile I stole from your eyes
The fierce look you gave when you pulled me inside
The first time we dressed in the park by your car
When your heart danced with mine for a spellbound in light
How you held me together in your eyes in the door, before you walked out
With my heart in your drawers
Little things that I stole
Little memories fake
Little words I imagined that were more than you said
Impossible to guess what you thought , what you craved
All I know is that ashes mixed with clay don’t bend and don’t break.
I am turning fat and slow and round , rightfully am turning into a little Earth right on my own
My delicate clouds are confusing
bemusing to your lips
Your small Earth to draw you in and trash about
You crave me still and pull me close, or I pull you
These clouds are rather moody tempest cotton cloths
Torrential storms my tears, no gentle drops
Celestial at their best, no really ,not
When you are near, I fear, my atmosphere a pissed of crown
Saves no one from a clash with urban foul
Mouth spits no rainbows rather bites your face
Don’t think you melt away and fly too far from the nest.
You storm away, I pull you right back in
Censorial, celestial,rights to call you on a whim.
Mine, though you are not, I mark you so.
And if the spaces calls back
I’ll blind you with a storms. Oh will I will.
You failed to grasp the rift
I failed to care
Impossible desire that seems about it now, everyone cares
Has half a century in the making all around or maybe more
I was a dream and you were mighty oak that stormed the castle down but still knocks at my door.
I laugh with you, amazed how mine you are.
My fingers tracing all your laughter lines not thinking of the harm
Those years I kiss around your mouth means nothing more to me than a disguise for what I was
For what you were
For what I want , who really cares.
My lover from another time.
There are more barrels in your basement than are in mine
The grapes that you crushed not always turned to wine
Some bitter vinegar bottles still roll ajar
The crude smell of sugar and blue skies make me lick my lips from afar
Your eyes rhyme with mine when delusional poems, drop lusterless thyme crushed by soulless poets
A cup of tea fills the memories.
You had me
You chose to say your goodbye.
Where did it all go
How is it still alive and running
A film in the back of my memory
Which my eyes can see, I can taste it and smell it and move around it like I was again 11
Life was peace, somewhat
Life was good, somewhat
And innocence was all that I had, like a brand new hat
My fingers can’t catch it because the reel is dust and smoke and the picture of me has changed so impossibly forever
Helplessness makes me choke on the smoke
Of the dream, so awake yet un real
That I would return to the pain of innocence and hunger, perhaps, somewhat.
I will never say never.
I will trade my old worn hat for that.
Is more to you than meets my lips
A little drop of bliss
A little hiss
A fall from a dream of paradise
A paradise fallen from my dream
The paradise that raised from hell and broke with it and climbed the stair
To touch God’s feet
To touch God’s eyes
The limitless between you and many Is.
But all is really real or is it really me, indeed, creator I became and attributed you with all of these
You naked fool, with nothing but a kiss
You made me so.
Convinced God gave it all.
Before I was yours, I was
When I wasn’t mine anymore, I lost myself
In you, I found a strange peace that built me for war
The one you gave me, the one you made me for
The one you were the friend and enemy in
And I was a shield
Left to melt in the desert sun
The roar of dying.
The light of you brings nothing anymore
It used to light up an entire castle, make suns burn with envy
Filled me with joy
Now the ruin of it all
Broken by the light of you
With a shaky hand
A bottle filled with webs and smoke
The light of me remembers nothing anymore.
On my way to you wherever that may be
I am running
How I lose myself in between the moments of you
How I became nothing when I am everything and you are
just the shadow?
In your embrace lover
I rediscover the universe
I bring out the light for the very first time
I shiver like the first dance of the ocean
Inside the moment is desire only
Love asleep wrapped in Faith without a heart
Craving the abys on the inside
The first cup of wine dulled the sense
Second, dulled my heart and made me forget a little
The ones that followed
Brought you back as a caress over forgetfulness
Drunk I stumbled on my own cries and held your body close
The whole bottle has you slip between my fingers
A smoky memory.
In the thirst after you, I cried.
You bring me peace
In a strange troubling way
Make my castle of sand look like solid gold and steel
When you hold my face, your lips chasing mine you chain me to your soul
When you walk from me, the oceans take the beach away with all its crumbling towers.
I sink my own Armada of illusions.
What a lie we are, what unspeakable false truth
The kind that makes Gods awake from ashes to punish the shamelessness
I would never let go of you if I could
You would never let go either
But the chain of your promise
Takes you away every time
I wrote you a song once
I drew the lines of each note on your skin with mine
Burning, pleasing, torture for memories
Never reaching the end of the line
Returning the dance like an insane spiral
The Gods I knew don’t’ live here anymore
Forged in the brick house on the hill
They never packed their bags they stayed behind
Paying a courtesy visit here sometime
When on her knees the child in me
Prays for tomorrow at the side of dreams
Old now, they pat me on the head then walk back up the same old hill
Some old memory pulling on their ankles
-memories from years ago, eons of laughter and tears-
The winter I got back up there, they left
The Gods in the house on the hill forgot their way home
And must have found another church
Where their youth came rushing to their old bones
I am a prayer, a desire, a wish, a dream
I already was, before again I begin
The minute of me
The second of us
The flowing of time
On the memory stones
That breath you exhale on my lips, your caress
You hold me inside you
A dreamer, a mess
From a time when your prayer, your need was alive
You and I were returning to the dust to the lime
Maybe next time around, will be longer but now
The minutes of pleasure that you broke me into
Brings me peace somehow.
Is not important that I don’t remember your words
I remember what your eyes said
True, those words make a different sound in my ears in a silent kind of way
In a true way.
I remember the summers of my childhood
The heaviest hurt of then feels like a sweet pain now
I was another me before I let myself changed by the ways of the world.
Then I caught the world inside me.
I changed it entirely.
Sometimes I dream of summer
So afraid to lose it
So afraid of what comes after knowing there are no glorious auburn dreams
So I am missing out from too much fear
On the golden light of sunrise and the devilish dance of evening
I am selling myself lies and dreams and choose to cloud my judgement with all the right reasons of you
When I shouldn’t.
How you torment me, how you break me
How you leave my heart bleeding empty with disregard
You poor innocent and I the criminal
I gave you the knife when I let you close by.
Your eyes full of light by the door
The last to the many last mornings
You stayed a long moment before breaking me again
Wished you could take a picture you said with that smile of yours still tasting on my lips
You did more than that
You unraveled a movie of me of desire and laughter for the eternity to come
will you remember it when I am gone?
Will it flicker in the dusted rooms of us on a wall of shadows
witch such tenderness and pleasure as the one we held
Your eyes draped me in white
In innocence, so you can peel it all off slowly, brazen, later
In that walk of ours through time
Around the circle of pain of some distant past you pulled me close
And let me go.
Keep that look and that thought
And let me touch you again and again
At my convenience, maybe later
Maybe in a month or next lifetime, you said.
Just stay there wanting me, needing me like you do.
Then you left.
I can’t drape you in nothing else in my memory, but desire
Your lips reading loud on my skin the echo of my own pulsating temples
I cued my heart to drum most precious words so your lips can read them and make you want to stay.
It was in the name of some game, some war all men like you crave.
Yet you are not like others.
And this not just another war.
I cried the day I saw the ocean.
Salty blue droplets Many reasons for that.
I didn’t even know my tears ran down,
until I felt them burning my eyes tracing grey lines in the dust on my cheeks.
I am strong, my heart beats with the drums of those that sailed waters
they never knew existed before the day they reach them.
My heart sights with the joy of a peace I find sometimes in the middle of the night with my eyes wide open in the dark listening to my own pulsating temples.
You found me just as I have found myself
You made me lose it all, confused
I thought you were mine to keep
Such lies I fed myself until
I lost us both.
What’s in desire
That keeps me up at night
what makes my blood rush with such intensity that I forget my name?
I want myself in your arms and I want you lost inside me
At the end of the rush when my skin burns
My lips are bitten by yours and my heart can move the stars with its drumming
Senses that carries your touch in lines of fire, shaken and burning.
Hunger starts again.
I think is love or something like it
it does this to my heart
it does this to my eyes where it turns them into rivers
covering my judgement
it makes my heart laugh, insane and wild and young
then it slaps my both cheeks with my own hands
What scares me most is the loneliness beneath this dream.
So that’s how we started
the light between us dancing
your eyes stealing my soul
making my heart rush like a thousand wild horses.
I don’t believe we met your lips said unraveling
a thousand oceans of desire
dripping memories that haven’t even happened.
an open range, rain, nights of fire
And then t’was the end.
If ever your eyes will turn dull
the light in your smile softening to dust
the dirt in your bones growing trees and shores from which ships will depart
will you still remember my name
When a frost
on your brow?
Will bring shivers?
The taste of that dream that we played for a summer
somehow will retrace you to me?
will you just lick your lips and laugh at a victory over innocent foolies?
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