Chapter 1
Dear Whoever finds this
I really hope it isn’t my housekeeper. If it is, I’m really sorry Mrs Pou. At least I left the house clean for you.
I have decided to make it easy on everybody in my life (whether you wanted to be in my life or not) for those who didn’t want to be in my life or didn’t choose to be in my life. I’m sorry I was such a mess.
My aunt who took me in when I had no one left and who tried to give me a new start to life. I’m sorry I disappointed you and failed you. I really did try to start fresh and new but I’m too screwed up in my head. I really did try to get help. I went to my sessions, I took my meds I even went to dance class (I was looking for a class here back home but couldn’t find one)
I truly am sorry for all the effort and time you wasted on me and me not being able to succeed. I love you very much and you where the closest thing to a mother I had these last three years of my life.
Mr and Mrs Gillen I don’t know how to say sorry for what happened to the both of you because of my parents. I’m sorry the both of you lost your best friends and your loves. If I could travel back in time I would have made sure my mom and dad never had a moment alone and that they never met each other. It would have ensured so much people not getting hurt if they just never met.
I’m sorry if for what they did to the both of you caused you to make a mistake in your life that you will never be able to take back. I always looked at the pictures on your walls when I was at your house and envied your perfect family life but I realize now it is not perfect at all. I also realized that the timeline wall is a bit incorrect but I like it the way it is so don’t change it. I know you love Brandon even though he came to the both of you in a bit of a different unplanned way. Please make sure he knows that as I know it is bothering him a lot that his entire life can be lie.
Kimberly - Up until today I still don’t know what I did to you to make you hate me so much. Or maybe it was just your own insecurities you needed to reflect on someone and you chose me. Whatever the reason the only thing I will say sorry for was the fact that I punched you in the face and even for that I really shouldn’t say sorry as you tormented me from the day I walked into that school up until the day my fist connected with your face.
You called me names, embarrassed me and were just plain mean and a super bitch to me ensuring the entire school also turned against me. So thank you for contributing to my final choice in life. But please don’t take all the credit for yourself as you where only a small part of the pain in my life. I really do hope the therapy you are receiving is helping you deal with your issues, and your son Danny Jnr. He is a beautiful boy. Love him a lot and make sure he knows he is loved. A kid needs that in his life.
And now for my lovely parents. Mom, Dad I really hope you guys are proud of me. I turned out just like you guys. A crazy women like you mom who can’t control her anger and dad thanks for teaching me to be a coward who doesn’t know how to handle her issues and find the only solution is to kill herself. Although dad can I just say.
Mine is a lot less messy than yours. I even left a clean house behind. But the one thing you guys didn’t seem to have given me was the ability to cheat on someone. Or maybe you did I just never had the chance to see if you did because you guys ensured I was suck a huge freak no boy would ever look at me. But through all the hate I have in me mom and dad I still love you guys to the moon and back. And I think that’s why it hurts so much. You both never stopped to consider the consequences of your actions and it cost Aunt Merrel and Ricky their lives and me my sanity.
Brandon I am so sorry for all the pain and hurt me and my family has caused you. I am sorry you have to live with wondering if your parents really love each other or if they are regretting the live choices that were forced onto them. I am sure they love you. I saw the pictures in your house. Their eyes are full of it. So please never wonder about that. I know they wouldn’t have changed their minds if they could. Thank you for giving me the chance to get to know you and to love you.
You where the one highlight of my day even though I knew I would have never been good enough for you. I hope your life forward is amazing and that no sadness comes over it. Thank you for telling me the truth that everyone knew but never said out load.
Ricky I am so sorry Ricky. I am so sorry I couldn’t be there for you. I am so sorry I couldn’t protect you from mom and dad and keep you safe. I am so sorry I am such a disappointment of a sister. I love you with all my heart and I miss you every day. Not one day goes by that I don’t miss you. I am so sorry I never went to your grave. I was avoiding mom and dad, I couldn’t see them. I hope you forgive me Ricky. I Love You Very Much!
I hope each and every person who knew me will be at peace from this day forward, I know I will be.
This is my final peace with this world. I will be leaving it at the age of 18 hoping that the after live accepts me better than this life did.
All my love
Samantha (Sam) Preston
